Heard Your Voice
by Fourtris Eaton
Summary: What if the memory serum went out? What if everyone forgot? Things are fixed in the city. Things are back to the way they were before Jeanine, before Allegiant, before the battles. Except Tris remembers everything. And Tobias has no idea who she is. Check back for new chapters each week!
1. Chapter 1

I wake up in dark room, on a bed that I'm not comfortable with. I'm not sure where I am. The last thing that I remember is being at the Bureau of Genetic Welfare with David aiming a gun at me. And then the overwhelming pain…and then the darkness that had settled over me. I sit up and groan, my side is sore from where I had been shot. I lift my shirt and see stitches and bruises that have just started to turn yellow. Wherever I was, I had been operated on…and I am alive. Which is also a major surprise to me. I look around the room and realized where I was. I am in the infirmary back at the Dauntless compound. I had assumed that I would wake up at the Bureau or something. Did David really hate that I tried to stop him so much that he sent me back to the city? If that isn't the case, then what am I doing back here? I bring my legs to the side of the bed to stand up, stumbling slightly. How long exactly had I been asleep? I grab the water on the table next to the bed and take a drink; maybe I'm just dehydrated.

"Oh good, you're awake."

I turn to see a woman, probably mid-thirties, come into the room and she smiles at me. She is dressed in all black with both arms covered in tattoos. The smile is a little off putting. We're not in Amity, this is Dauntless. And smiles are just given to anyone. I don't recognize her, but then again I didn't really know anyone other than the initiates when I was here. And when I did stay in the infirmary…I was unconscious, so if she had taken care of me before, I wouldn't have remembered. "If you're all set, go on and head down to the Pit."

I feel my eyebrows come together on my head, why would I need to go down to the Pit? All I want is answers, actually. "Why?" I ask.

She raises her eyebrows at me, but shrugs. Maybe I should already know the answer to this, but I'm not sure. "Four's down there. He says he's waiting on you before they get started."

I feel the familiar sensation in my chest, the same I get every time someone mentions Tobias to me. I nod anywhere and I leave the infirmary heading down the stairs toward the Pit. I wonder what exactly we need to get started on. I pass a couple of people on my way down, and it confuses me because I hadn't expected so many people to be here. Or any, for that matter. Hadn't Evelyn set up the idea that being in a faction, wearing all one color, punishable by death? Or at least a severe beating? Hadn't Dauntless been avoided since then? They all say hello as I pass, which is strange in and of itself, because I have no idea who they are. I don't understand what's going on. I shake my head and look around the pit as I see Tobias. My heart soars when I see him and I can't help but smile. Maybe he can explain things to me. As I grow closer I see that he's talking to a group of people. A group of people wearing yellow, blue and black. There is no one here in grey. No one like me…no one like Tobias. What is happening?

"Tobias," I say. He turns, and when he sees me, he glares at me and I stop in my tracks. He has never looked at me in that way and it cuts through me like nothing I've ever felt before. It's worse than the healing gunshot wound in my side. I bite my lower lip and watch as he turns around to face the group.

"All right Initiates," Tobias says. My heart drops. Initiates? What the hell? Exactly how long had I been unconscious for? There was no way that this was almost a year after I had shown up here. That much time could not have passed. What had happened to me back at the Bureau? Did David do something to me other than nearly killing me? Okay, I need to take a breath. I have to be sleeping right now. There is no possible way that this is real. It _can't_ be real. It doesn't make sense. "Welcome to Dauntless. My name is Four and this is Tris. She and I will be training those of you who were brave enough to transfer. Those of you who thought jumping off of a building was difficult; you're in for one hell of ride. Dauntless born will be going with Lauren. You'll be ranked together but trained separately. And those of you who can't make it…you'll be Factionless."

There are gasps from the group of initiates and they begin murmuring to each other, the same way that my group did. And I start to have the weirdest feeling of déjà vu, like I was in a sim, but I can't do anything about it. This is _not_ my life. This should not be happening. New initiates? New transfers? What happened to the system collapsing and the war started by Jeanine Matthews? What about the truth? I watch as the Dauntless born follow Lauren out of the room and I am left in the Pit with Tobias and the transfers. I have never felt more out of place in my life. Even in the black clothing, I feel like there is a target on me somewhere. I don't belong here. Tobias looks at me and nods at the transfers. "Show them to the dorms," he says.

His voice is rough and his eyes are hard. Either he's angry about something I've done, or he doesn't know me. Except the Tobias I know would just tell me instead of treating me this way. I don't know why I would dream of something like this. It doesn't make sense. I swallow. "Tobias…" I say, my voice soft.

He glares at me again. "Don't ever call me that," he snaps at me. "Take them to the dorms."


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry it was so short. I'll try harder. Enjoy**

I show the initiates to their dorm and showed them the bathroom, following the motions that I had watched Tobias make a year previous. I answer questions like they're a second nature to me. I don't know how this has happened. This is a punishment and I have no way of escaping the life I have been dropped into. I lead them to the dining hall and my eyes immediately look for Tobias, and I see him, and the sight of him makes me heart ache. I don't feel like I can approach him. The way he looked at me when we were in the Pit, he doesn't know me. No one knows me. I half contemplate leaving the dining hall and not eating, but not eating would just be pointless and stupid. Besides, I'm hungry and there looks to be burgers on the tables. I look around the room to see if I recognize anyone….I see Shauna and Zeke sitting together on the other side of the hall, but given my circumstances, they probably don't remember me either. And I don't want to take any chances that they do and I end up walking into a situation that I can't handle. I take a step toward a table in the corner, to eat alone, but stop when I hear Christina.

"Tris!"

I turn and see Christina coming toward me and I smile. At least _she_ knows me. However, I'm not sure if she remembers me in the same way that I do. We were friends during training, but did we remain close in the past year that I seem to be missing from my life? I follow her to a table and watch as she sits down _next_ to Tobias. I stop in my tracks and can't stop to look of horror as I see her kiss his cheek and I have to take a deep breath to keep myself from reacting; to get rid of the facial expression before they see and ask me what's wrong. I have to take a deep breathTo keep myself from crying. This is Dauntless…you don't cry here…crying makes you weak.

"Hey," he says to her with a smile. He doesn't even look at me. It's like I don't even matter to him…and thanks to David, thanks to this sim that's not a sim, I don't. I feel my heart breaking apart into a thousand pieces and I can't move. Christina looks up at me.

"Well are you going to sit or what?" she asks me.

I nod, swallowing past the lump in my throat and move to sit down across from them. I keep my eyes down on my food, trying to focus on anything but the conversation going on between them. This is masochism in its worst form. I' m not entirely sure just how long I can sit here without losing my mind and my patience. I only look up when I feel someone kick my foot and Christina's staring at me like my crazy.

"Well?" she asks.

"What?"

"How does the group look?" she asks me. "Four says that they don't look promising, but then I told him that neither did we."

She laughs and I can't help but notice it…she doesn't call him Tobias. Does she not know his real name? Did he not tell her about his past? Did he take her into his fear landscape? I glance at him, and he's looking at me, but once out eyes meet he turns away, the muscle in his temple pulsing. I sniff before turning my attention back to Christina

"Oh," I say taking a sip of the water that's in front of me. "They look alright. They might surprise us, you know."

"True…were there any of the Stiffs this year?" she asks.

I tense at the word and out of the corner of my eye I see Tobias dose as well. But I won't make anything of it. I can't get my hopes up here. It won't do me any good if I don't play along. There's nothing else I _can_ do. I'm trapped. I shake my head and take a bite of the burger that I've started to squeeze too tightly in my hands. "No," I say. "None this year."

She grins. "Good, because no offense, you were kind of boring in the beginning."

I glance up at her and realize that this isn't how our friendship was. This has been manipulated to the point where I am not supposed to be happy. I am not supposed to get what I want. What does that mean for Caleb? What does that mean for the other people that I care about? I force a laugh and set the burger down. I don't care that it's the first night the initiates are here and there's supposed to be this speech or something, I can't be around this. I finish off my water and am about to get up when someone sits next to me and I feel an arm on my waist. I jump and turn to see Peter looking at me with a grin.

What.

Is.

Happening?

"Hey babe," Peter tells me leaning in to kiss me. I am in such a state of shock that I let him.

"Hey," I say my voice quiet as I turn back to the face the others. I look up, because I feel eyes on me and I realize that it's Tobias staring at me. His eyebrows have come together on his forehead and he looks…well…a little angry. And maybe a bit confused as well. Though I don't understand why. I think I should give up trying to understand what situation I've been placed in, because this is all just ridiculous and stupid and I will never understand.

"How's the group look?" I hear Peter ask, his hand still on my waist and I feel like I'm going to be sick to my stomach. I reach across the table and pour myself some more water and sip at it before answering.

"They look good," I say, my voice shaky.

That's when the cups start hitting the table and a voice starts booming from the balcony that is just above the dining hall. Max begins go speak and I barely hear any if, my heart is beating to fast in my chest, the only thing I can hear is the blood rushing through my body. Keeping me alive. Keeping me _here_. Then the cheers start up and Peter's hand leaves me and I sip at the water again, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. Everyone's left from the table, cheering, hollering and celebrating the new initiates. Everyone but me. If I stand, I am more than likely going to pass out and end up back in the infirmary.

"Are you all right?"

I am surprised that I can hear this question, given the noise surrounding me. I open my eyes and see Tobias leaning across the table and looking at me. His hand has half reached out to touch mine, but it looks like he changed his mind at the last minute. How I wish he hadn't stopped.

I shake my head at his question. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know who I am. _I_ know who_ he_ is...and in any situation that I'm in, I know that I can always tell him anything. "No," I whisper back, my voice coming out choked and broken. A tear finds its way back my barrier and falls onto my cheek. "No, I'm not."

I set the cup down and get up from the table pushing past the crowds of people and escaping the noise. I turn a corner and stop, resting up against the wall and let the sobs come out. I can't stop them now, even if I wanted to. This isn't my life. I fall to the floor, because I can't hold myself anymore. I hear running footsteps and look up in time for Tobias to skid to a stop and look down at me. I turn my face away from him and wipe my face with the sleeve of my jacket.

"What?" I ask him, my breath still coming out shakily. He doesn't move; doesn't say anything, so I have to look up at him. "What do you want, _Four_?" I ask, my voice echoing down the hallway. Luckily, everyone is at the celebration, and no one will hear me or see me crying.

He shakes his head and he's got that same confused, angry, look on his face. "Don't call me that," he says. Despite the way his jaw is clenched, and his throbbing temple, his voice comes out soft.

"You don't want me to call you Tobias, and you don't want me to call you Four," I say, with a hard laugh. I pick myself off of the floor and shake my head as Ilook up into his eyes. "Do you just not want me to talk to you period?"

He shakes his head again. "I don't know," he says. "It doesn't feel right with you calling me Four."

"It should," I say. "It's all I've ever called you, right?"

He hesitates and I swallow. "How do you even know that name?" he asks me. "No one here knows me by that name."

I bite my lip. This couldn't possible turn out any worse it is, right? Should I maybe tell him how I know his name?' Will that just make me seem crazy? "I know…" I say slowly. "About Marcus."

His eyes narrow at me. "What?" he demands. "How?"

"You showed me," I say. "In your fear landscape."

He shakes his head. "No," he says, his voice hard now. He looks angry. "No I didn't."

I nod. "But that's fine that you don't believe me," I say. "I seem to be the only one who remembers."

"Remembers what?" he asks.

I shake my head at his question and move past him to leave the hallway. I can't do this.

"Tris!" he calls out after me.

I stop and turn back to look at him. "It never happened."


	3. Chapter 3

By some miracle, I make my way through the maze of hallways and doors and eventually end up finding my room. It's where I must have been staying before I woke up in the infirmary. I assume it's my room, because it's done up exactly the way I would have designed it. It was simple, and nothing too extravagant. There is only the one bed, which means I haven't needed to share with anyone. I remember the interaction I had with Peter in the cafeteria and I immediately go to the closet to search for clothes that don't belong to me. I don't find any hanging up and in the dresser there are just clothes of my own. I let out a breath of relief because that I wasn't completely freaked out by Peter kissing me. If I had to spend one night in the same room with Peter…being _intimate.._.I probably would have killed myself. I shudder at the thought. It makes me sick to my stomach and I have to run to the conjoining bathroom and throw up.

I lay down against the cold tile before I strip off my clothing and get into the shower. I turn on the water and let the cold water fall over my body. I hate it here. I hate what my life has become. The decisions I've made brought me here. To this path…to this place…and I don't even recognize it. I don't recognize my life anymore. I choke out a sob and bang my fist against the wall. I never wanted to be the girl who organizes her life around her boyfriend. But Tobias was more than just a boyfriend. Or at least he had been. And now he wasn't anything more to me other than a partner. We were training the initiates together and that's all that we will have between us. He's with Christina now. And I'm with…Peter. I shudder again and pour myself a cup of water. I don't care what I've been placed here for…or why. I can't do it with him. Not with Peter. Not with anyone.

I walk to the closet and change into clothes before leaving, almost tripping as I'm out of the door. I catch myself on the wall and look at the wall to see what I've tripped over. Tobias is sitting under on the floor next to my door with his legs stretched out. It's like he didn't even feel me. Typical.

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask, straightening out my jacket. He looks up at me and I shake my head. "Shouldn't you be out celebrating with Christina or something?"

I don't wait for his answer as I start to make my out of the hallway toward the stairs leading up to the tattoo shop. I don't know what I want, I just know that I want one. I just need to do something to get my mind off of this. Or maybe I should have gone to sleep so that I could wake up the next morning and throw myself into training. Training always made me feel at ease, balanced. I nearly make it away from him when I feel a tug on my arm, pulling me back into the hallway that leads to my room.

"Tris."

He's staring at me and I lift my hands up in frustration. "What?" I ask. "What do you want from me?"

Being around him makes me feel several different emotions. My heart, which knows him, knows everything about him, soars and I'm filled joy and excitement. But my brain…it knows that this Tobias doesn't know anything about me. He doesn't know the first thing about who I am or what makes me tick, or that when he touches me, my body sets fire. With him looking at me in the way that I know that he has no idea who I am, it crushes me entirely.

"I just want to talk to you," he says.

I shake my head. "We have nothing to talk about." I turn to leave but he grabs my arm and pulls me back. He opens the door to my room and pushes me inside. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought he was trying to make a move. But I did. And this wasn't Tobias.

"How do you know about Marcus?"

I sigh and take off my jacket. I have a feeling that I'm going to be here for a while. I hang it off the back of the chair before sitting down on the bed. "I told you. You let me into your fear landscape."

He shakes his head. "No I didn't!" He shouts the words at me and I flinch. I look away from him and clench my jaw.

"Believe what you want," I tell him. "I don't have any reason to lie to you." He crosses to me and I look up at him. "If that's all you came here for then you can leave. I have plans."

"Do those plans involve Peter?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "What does that even matter?"

"It doesn't," he says, turning away from me. The muscle in his temple is throbbing again and I swallow, looking away from him. He runs his fingers through his hair and I can't help but notice that they're trembling. He pulls the chair out from the desk and sits on it. "If you were in my landscape, what's in there?"

This could be a dangerous path. But he wasn't going to leave without an answer. So I sit up and nod at his question.

"You only have four fears…hence the name. Which, you know, was given to you by Amar," I tell him. He raises his eyebrows at me, obviously surprised. "Not many people know that either do they?" I can't help but ask the question with a grin. Surprising Tobias was difficult to do, but I'm sure given my currently situation and the things that I know about him, I think that I'll have my fair share of surprising him. I don't fight to keep my smile off my face lips. It feels good. "First is fear of heights," I say. "I found that out at the Ferris Wheel though."

"Ferris Wheel?" he repeats.

I shake my head, not wanting to go into that right now. "The second is fear of confinement," I continue. "Then fear of following orders….killing an innocent. And the last fear, the worst fear, is Marcus."

He stares at me. "How can you possible know that?"

He sounds completely astounded. I would be to, if I was in his position. "I know a lot about you," I say. I take a deep breath. "But you don't know the first thing about me." I get up from the bed and grab my jacket from the chair he's sitting on. "But you should stop coming around," I say, pulling the jacket on. "You might end up giving Christina the wrong idea."

"And what about Peter?" he asks, getting up from the chair.

I shake my head. "I don't care about Peter," I answer. "But that doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters."

"I don't understand you when you talk like that, Tris," he says staring at me, shaking his head.

I shrug. "I'm sorry about that," I say. I look up at him and place a hand on his cheek. I stand on my toes and press my lips to his other cheek. "I'll try better next time."

I settle back on my feet and he's looking at me, not with anger, but with confusion. I should get used to that look. "Where are you going?" he asks me.

"I don't know," I say throwing my hands up. "But I can't stay here with you." I give him a smile and head for the door. I shut it behind me and rest against it. That was it. That was the beginning of goodbye. I couldn't have him the way that I wanted. So maybe just being friends would be enough. But not yet, not now. I had to be able to handle myself around him and deal with the consequences of my actions.

All I need to do is survive.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning I change into my training clothes and head down to the Pit. I get there early so I can practice, so I can get out any lingering frustrations. The knives are all set out on the table and I go over to them before grabbing them and throwing them at the target. I pretend that it's David. I wish I could kill him. I still know where the Bureau is. But if I tried to leave, would he try to cause _more_ damage in my life? I don't know what else he could take from me. I've already lost everything that matters to me. And even if Caleb is there…in Erudite, there's no way that he would know about me…or the past. It seems to be just me. And even if there were any other divergents, I'd have no way of seeking them out without implicating myself.

I wondered if it even mattered here now. Now that things were back to normal…at least for the most part. I hadn't ventured outside of the Dauntless compound yet, but I was pretty sure that not even David could bring people back to life. What did they think back at the Bureau? Did they think that this was some funny joke or something? I wish I could go back and finish the job…I wish I could ruin him in the way that he ruined me. But then again, he was ruined the moment my mother told him that she wasn't coming back. And maybe he was taking it out on me. Maybe because I reminded him so much of my mother…and that she got happiness where he did not find it, he was taking mine away from me. If he wanted to make me suffer, he's done a pretty good job so ar.

I throw the knife in my hand at the center of the target and it sinks in deep, and I take a breath. I throw another one and it lands nearly on top of the other knife, digging into the gel. I hear clapping behind me and I turn quickly, out of reflex almost throwing the knife at them. I stop myself in time, however, and the knife doesn't hit Peter. I stiffen when he approaches me, because I don't know what relationship David put us into…and I really don't want to find out. He kisses my cheek before walking back to the table and grabbing five of his own blades. He comes to stand next to me and flips a blade in his hand before flinging it at a target. It hits dead center. I forget that I was not the only one who could hit my targets.

He turns to look at me with a grin and I can't help but smile back at him. This is strange, being alone with him and not being scared. The last time we were in the Pit together he had beaten me to a concussion. I wondered if he remembered that reality of if everything that I remembered had been altered. Everything that I know about these people…are they still the same or have they been changed to fit the situation so that I feel as out of place as possible.

"You wanna go stand in front of the target?" Peter asks me with a grin.

I shake my head. "No way."

"Why not?" he asks. "You did it when Four was throwing the knives."

I swallow. So that part was still true. I wonder if he had done it for the same reasons though. "That was a different time," I say, turning from him and throwing another knife.

I can feel him watching me. "Are you okay, Tris?" he asks. "You don't seem like yourself."

I can't help but smile at that. Luckily he can't see me. "Well that's because I don't."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't feel like myself. I feel different…out of place. I don't want certain things in my life anymore."

I lift my arm to throw another knife, but he crosses to me and grabs my arm, pulling me around to him. Did the Tris that David make me like it when she was pushed around like this? Because I certainly didn't. I stare up at him.

"What things?" Peter asks, his hand wrapped around my wrist, and he wasn't letting go.

I tug on my arm to try and pull from him, but his grip is tight. "Certain things," I tell him.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Tell me what you don't want, Tris." His voice is hard and the smile has vanished from his lips. I swallow.

"Let go of me, Peter," I say, trying to keep the pain out of my voice.

"_Tell me_," he demands. He pulls my arm forward and the knives drop from my hands. He lifts his free hand and presses a knife to my throat. "Is it me? You don't want me in your life anymore?"

I am shaking now. I don't remember being this scared before. "Peter, _please._" My voice cracks and the sound brings a smile to his face. He's turned on by this. I hear footsteps heading into the Pit.

"Hey!"

Peter turns his head and I use the distraction to lift my other arm and hit Peter across the face and knee him in the groin. He falls to the floor and I grab the knife from him, holding it to his neck.

"Don't you _ever_ come near me again!" I yell at him. "If you come near me, I _will_ _kill you."_

Arms come around me and pull me away from him and I watch as Peter gets to his feet nursing a broken nose. The arms let me go and Tobias walks toward Peter.

"Do you think that makes you strong? Do you think that attacking a woman makes you _brave_?" Tobias' voice is hard and shaking with rage. I haven't seen him like this often. If I was Peter, I would be terrified. Peter shakes his head and _I'm_ a little turned on watching Tobias in action. "Get the hell out of here. Take the train to the fence. You're on guard duty until I tell you otherwise."

Peter hesitates and looks back at me, like I'm going to protect him or something. I'm pretty sure the look on my face is one of disgust, because I've never been more disgusted with anyone in my life.

"Did you not hear me?!" Tobias' voice booms against the concrete and Peter flinches.

He runs from the room and I turn away from him running my hand over my neck and pull it away to find blood. "Great," I murmur. I go the table where the knives are and grab a towel and dab it against my neck. I run my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. I hear Tobias behind me, picking up the knives that I had dropped to the floor. I have to take a deep breath to keep myself from crying. I have to keep myself together. The initiates will be here any moment and I can't come off as weak to them. Weakness will make it seem like they can walk all over me. I jump when I hear the blades clatter on the table.

"Sorry," he says before straightening them out. He looks at me and sees the towel. He reaches out to assess the damage, but I pull away from him. I 'm not sure if I can handle him touching me right now. He looks like I've offended him or something. "Let me see."

I look away from him before I put the towel down. "It's probably not even that bad," I say.

"May I?" he asks. I nod and he places one hand on my neck and one on my chin, titling my head back and the touch sends fire through my entire body. I jerk away at the sensation and he drops his hands. "Tris." His voice is quiet and I feel him staring at me. I look up at him and the look on his face surprises me. It's not the look of confusion that he had stared at me with yesterday, but he'd looking at me like he used to look at me.

I feel a lump in my throat and I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. His hands are on my face again and he takes a step toward me. My breath hitches in my throat. "Tobias?" I whisper.

He smiles at me and leans in to kiss me. My eyes close and I wait the arrival of his lips on mine, but before they can, I hear the chatter and footsteps of the initiates coming our way. I pulled away from him and put the towel back up to my neck. I look down at the table and arrange the knives in order before turning to face the group. I move far enough away from Tobias so that I can have a second to collect myself again. "How many of you have held a blade?" I ask them. I see a few hands. "How many of you have used that blade as a weapon?" The hands fall. I nod, setting the towel down before picking up a blade and twirling it between my hands. "When you use a blade, you have to be precise and you have to have the driving force behind the throw or else it's not going to do you much good. Like so."

I turn and from my spot on the floor, I throw the blade at the target and it hits dead center. I turn back to look at the group and I see Tobias standing behind them, grinning at me. It makes my heart skip a beat in my chest because I hadn't thought he'd ever look at me like this again. But I don't know what it means or if it means anything. I smile back at him before heading to the target to grab my blade. "Line up!"


	5. Chapter 5

After we finish training, we let the group to down to the cafeteria, but I stick around to put the knives away. I think that I'm alone but I see Tobias pulling blades out of the targets that's next to me. I don't know what happened back there, before everyone came in, and I don't want to push matters because given memory serum, I don't know if anyone can come back from that. Even with divergence, people with perfect genes hadn't been able to fight it. Then again, no one should have been able to fight the death serum, and I did that. I swallow and, trying my hardest not to look at him as I pull the knife from the gel and drop it into the box I'm carrying. He had almost kissed me. And though I wanted it, I couldn't do that to Christina…as messed up as that relationship was. As different as she was treating me, I couldn't do that to her. She was still my friend, even if it wasn't in the same way I remembered. I couldn't sweep in and expect things to go back to the way they were. Especially since I knew the way the serums worked. She would hate me and I would lose her. Maybe I've already lost her though. The Christina I knew…she wouldn't have said the things she did back in the cafeteria.

He steps toward me and drops the knives into the box before moving onto the next target. I bite my lower lip and take a breath. "Can I ask you something?" I ask.

He looks at me and nods, looking a little surprised by the question. "Yeah of course," he says. "What's up?"

I lick my lips. "How did..." I pause because I'm not entirely sure how to word it. "How _exactly _did Peter and I happen?"

His hand pauses on the knife and his eyebrows come together, confused by the question. "What do you mean?'

I make a face and shrug. "I don't understand how we started dating."

He opens his mouth to speak, but stops, shaking his head. "I…uh…I don't remember," he says. "You guys both transferred over last year…"

I shake my head. "No, _that_ part I remember," I say. "But what I remember doesn't seem to be the same as what everyone else remembers."

"What do _you_ remember?"

"I remember Peter hating me and beating me senseless on that mat," I say pointing behind Tobias to the mat where he had taught us how to fight. "I remember things being different with everyone. Especially with you."

"What was different?"

I look at him and contemplate answering, but shake my head and drop the last knife into the box before walking away from him. I set the box on the table and I hear him let out an annoyed laugh. I don't turn around to look at him.

"Why do you do that?" he asks me.

"Do what?" I ask, resting my hands on the table and biting my lip.

He walks around the table so that my back isn't to him. If I turn around now it'll be too obvious that I'm trying to avoid his gaze. So I look up at him. "You say things that don't make any sense and then when I ask for an explanation, you completely ignore the topic."

I shrug. "What do you want from me, Tobias?"

He sighs. "I want you to give me a straight answer," he says. "Why is that so hard?"

I scoff. "Becausethisisn't my life," I snap at him.

"I don't know what that means!"

"And you wouldn't," I say. "Did you know that Abnegation has a memory serum?" I ask. "Like Candor has the truth serum and we have the Fear serum?"

He nods. "Everyone knows that."

"And you wouldn't remember ever taking it," I say. "You wouldn't know what's real and what's not. You take the information they give you and that's it. That's all you've got to go off of. Because _that's_ the truth you've been forced to accept."

I shake my head and turn away from him, running my shaking fingers through my hair. This is frustration and it's starting to get annoying.

"So you're saying is that we've all been given a memory serum?" he asks. He doesn't sound like he thinks I'm crazy. But he doesn't sound like he believes me either. "What about you? What's the life that you remember?"

I think about running away, hiding out from him until it's time for the next training session, but I know that it's not the best idea. He knows where to find me. "You loved me," I say, my voice no more than a whisper. I turn my head, but don't look back at him. .I lick my lips. "And I loved you."

He is quiet at that and neither of us moves. I close my eyes and shake my head. "What happened?" he finally asks.

I shrug. "I don't know," I answer. "I pissed the wrong person off and now he's taken everything from me. I don't have anything anymore."

I hear his footsteps and I take a deep breath as his hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me to face him. He can see the tears that are sliding down my face and I don't care. He lifts a hand to brush his thumb across my cheek. "That's not true," he says.

"It is though," I tell him. "You don't know me. You only know _this_ version of me and it's not the girl I am."

"Who are you then?" he asks, his voice soft, his hand still on my cheek. He doesn't move, and I don't want him to.

I want to tell him; I want to kiss him. I want things to go back to the way they were before. Because that was the life that I knew. That is the life that I understand. And that's where I want to be. I want Tobias to be holding me like this because he loves me, and not just because he's confused. But I can't tell him. I can't make him remember.

"I'm your girlfriend's friend," I say, shaking my head. "I think,…I'm not actually sure what our relationship," I sigh. "And that…the two of you together…don't get me wrong, but I don't understand at all. It just…doesn't make sense to me. None of this does." He doesn't drop his hands, even at my mention of Christina. He just stares at me, with those dark blue eyes that I love. "Do you love her?"

The corner of his mouth twitches up and he shakes his head. "No," he says. "To be honest with you…I don't remember how or why it happened. It just did. She and I don't have anything in common."

I want to fight to smile on my lips because the idea that him not being in love with her, it shouldn't make me happy. She's my best friend and I shouldn't want this for her. But if it's not real…like I know it's not real, then why should it matter? But the smile comes and I let out a quiet chuckle.

"Do you know anything about me?" My voice comes out as a whisper and he looks down into my eyes. He shakes his head and I sigh. He drops his hands from my face.

"But I want to," he says. "There's something…_here_. I don't know if you feel it, but it's here. And It's strong."

I bring my hands to my face to wipe my cheeks dry. I nod. "Yeah, I feel it," I say. Because I do…but not for the same reasons as him. He doesn't know me…but maybe it's in there somewhere. Maybe if given enough time, he'll remember something.

"So…what now?" I ask. "You're with Christina and—"

He shakes his head. "Don't worry about Christina," he says. "I'll take care of it. But what you and I _need_ to worry about is making sure that Peter doesn't try this again." He gestures to my neck and I lift a hand, it's already starting to scar. At least it's not bleeding anymore. I nod.

"I probably won't be sleeping for a while," I say shaking my head.

"No, you will," Tobias tells me. "You'll sleep in my room and I'll sleep on the floor."

"No, I can't…"

He narrows his eyes at me. "I'm not arguing about this. If Peter wants to continue to be a coward and try to come after you, I'm _going_ to take care of him."

I nod. "We can share the bed," I say. "You don't need to sleep on the floor."

He looks up at me and the corner of his mouth twitches up again. He nods. "Okay," he says.

I can't help but smile at him. "I gotta go get this cleaned up," I say. "But I'll meet you back down here?"

He nods. "Yeah, we're going to start with some hand to hand combat when they get back. You up to fighting me?" he asks me with a grin.

I smirk. "I think I can handle myself."

"I thought that's what you'd say."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I had to repost this because I had to fix some things. Sorry!**

By the time I make it back down to the Pit, the initiates are all circled around the mat and Tobias is demonstrating with Zeke. The sight of him makes my heart hurt as I think about Uriah and losing him. I was the only one who knows about Uriah. He is part of the past that never existed within the walls of this compound. I slow down as I approach them so that I can admire the way the two of them fight together. Zeke is talented, fast, and strong, but Tobias is like a machine. A very strong, very fast machine. He knows when to move, when the pause and when to strike. I might have told him that I could handle myself, but watching him in action makes me rethink my words. Watching them makes me think back to the first time I saw him fight, he went after Peter, Al and Drew the night they tried to throw me into the chasm.

I approach the group and stand next to the transfer from Erudite who is looking at the two men fight in pure awe, and I don't blame her. "He's amazing," she whispers and then she looks up at me, a little bit embarrsased that I had heard her.

I shake my head and smile at her. "No, I totally understand," I say as Tobias flips Zeke over his shoulder and down onto the mat. They're both laughing as Tobias helps Zeke to his feet. "He's pretty amazing."

"Thanks for the demonstration," he says nodding at Zeke

Zeke grins. "I had fun," he answers. "Even though you kicked my ass."

"I always do," he says before turning to the group. Zeke grins at me and I nod at him before he leaves. Maybe our relationship isn't as broken as I think it is. I'll have to get more information from Tobias first. "All right…so that was hand to hand combat. Tris, you want to come up here?"

I look up at him and nod, making my way up slowly to the mat. He steps aside and I turn to look at the group. "When you're fighting someone, you can't let your hands fall. You always have to make sure that you're quick on your feet, but if you're not paying attention, even for just a moment…" I can't continue speaking as Tobias comes behind me and I am flipped onto my back. I groan as I lay there, shaking my head.

"You'll be flipped on your ass," Tobias says. He offers me a hand I take it, standing up. "Pair up and work on the hand movements I showed you earlier. Then we'll start with the fighting."

He turns to look at me as the initiates turn to each other and began practicing. I feel like they're going to be okay. They're going to do better than I did. They were obedient. "You okay?" he asks.

I nod, stretching my arms over my head. "I'm good," I tell him. "It's not the first time I've been thrown on my ass."

He grins and moves to stand next to me. "I went easy on you."

I narrow my eyes and look at him. "Don't ever go easy on me," I say. "I can handle myself."

"I know you—"

"No you don't," I interrupt him. I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "And I'm fine with that because I love you." It comes out in a whisper. "And I know that somewhere deep down you love me."

He stares at me and reaches his hand over, brushing his hand against my own. He pulls his hand away and I bite down on my lower lip to keep myself from smiling. "We'll get there," he says.

"I look forward to it."

When we finished for the day, I left the Pit and headed up to my room to go shower. Even if I was to be leaving this room, this room that I didn't remember, I was a little disappointed to leave it. I hadn't had a room that felt so much like mine since back at Abnegation. And even then, the room didn't really feel like my own. I shut the door behind me and stripped from the clothes and headed to the bathroom to shower. I let the water wash away the dirt from the day, and ran my fingers through my hair and felt a stinging sensation on my side. I look down and run my fingers over the developing scars. How long ago had this happened really? If this was supposed to be nearly a year later, then where had these scars come from it not from being shot at?

I grab the soap and run it over the stiches, making sure that I keep them clean before I get finish up turn the shower off. Once the water stops, I hear the door close. This makes me nervous. I hadn't expected anyone to come in uninvited, and partially think that it's Peter coming to finish what he started back in the Pit. I get out of the shower and wrap my towel around me.

"Hello?" I make my way back into the room and stop when I see Christina. I swallow and force a smile. I was still a little guilty about what was happening with Tobias. Did it mean I could feel any _less_ guilty when I was the one who was with him first? "Oh. Hey. What's up?"

"I heard something earlier," she said not smiling at me and turning away. She goes over to the bookshelf and begins going through my things. I don't stop her.

"What is it?"

Her hand pauses before she turns to look at me. "You're kidding, right?"

I run my fingers through my wet hair and out of my face. I pull the towel closer to me. "I don't know what you're talking about, Chris."

She shakes her head at me. "What's going on with you, Tris?" she asked. "Why are you keeping secrets from me?"

I let out a sigh. So she must have found out about Tobias. I don't know what Tobias had said to her. He told me that he was going to take care of it. And he had and now she was pissed. I couldn't blame her, really. "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out like this…I wanted to tell you but…"

"Why didn't you tell me that Peter attacked you today?"

Oh. So she didn't know about Tobias. That was good. I sigh. "Because it wasn't a big deal," I lie before turning from her and heading to the closet to grab my clothes. I stepped into the closet and let the door cover be before pulling my clothes on.

"Not a big deal?" she asks me, surprise hinted in her voice. "Are you kidding? He almost killed you! If Four hadn't…"

I peek out from behind the door. "I could have taken care of it," I say. "I'm strong enough not to let some guy push me around."

"I know," Christina says. "But if Four hadn't come around you could have been seriously injured."

I sigh and go back out into the room and sit down on the bed. "Chris, I promise, I'm okay," I tell her. "I'm just a little tired."

"Tired?" she asks." But we were going to go get tattoos!"

I make a face. "I don't know what I want yet," I say. "I'll go another day."

"I'll go next time," I say. "I promise."

She smiles at me and heads for the door. "Okay, but make sure you keep a look out because I hear that Peter's pissed about what went down." I scoff. "Yeah I know, he doesn't have a right to be pissed. He's a dick, always has been."

I nod and she turns to open the door and Tobias is standing behind it, about to knock. My eyes widen as his do too, I am worried about her reaction, but she doesn't say anything about him being there. "Hey," she says. "Are you going to come with us to get tattoos?" she asks.

He smiles and shakes his head. "No I think I'm just going to get some rest tonight. First day training kind of wipes me out."

She groans. "You two are perfect together," she says. "Staying in all night when there's fun to be had."

I try not to react as she talks about us, so I just smile. She's right though. We _are_ perfect together.

"Next time," Tobias tells Christina.

She smiles at him and stands on her toes pressing her lips to his. I turn my head from them with a pang of jealousy in my gut. I sigh as I hear her say, "I'll see you later."

I take a breath and can't help but feel angry. Even though I know there's nothing I can do about it. Tobias doesn't know what I know…and he doesn't feel what I feel. The door closes and I sigh, closing my eyes.

"Tris." His voice is soft and full of apology and I turn back to look at him.

"Hey."

He comes toward me and sits next to me on the bed. "I obviously haven't spoken to her yet."

I laugh and shake my head. "Obviously."

"But that doesn't mean I don't care about you."

"You don't even know me."

"Stop saying that," he says.

"What?" I ask. "It's true."

"It doesn't matter if I know you or not," Tobias says. "I may not really know _you_, this person that you are, but I do _care_ about you. I told you. There's something here and I'm not fighting it, so neither should you."

I sigh, but nod. "Fine," I say. "I'll try to stop being such a pessimist."

He grins at me. "Good." He pulls me in and presses a kiss to my cheek and I can't help but smile. "Now pack a bag so that we can get going."

I nod and I get up heading back to the closet and packing up some of my clothes. "What do you think will happen if Christina shows up randomly to your room and catches me?"

I hear him chuckle and I turn around in time to see him shake his head. "She won't."

"How can you be sure?" I ask as I turn back around to pack more clothes into the bag.

"Because I never showed Christina my room."

I finish and close the bag before turning to look at him. "Seriously?" I ask.

"Seriously."

I smile. "Can I ask why?"

"Because I didn't think we were serious enough for her to know where I sleep."

I pull the bag over my shoulder. "Then let's go."


	7. Chapter 7

I follow Tobias up the stairs to his room and even though I've been here before, many times, _this_ version of him has never taken me here. I wonder if it makes him nervous…bringing me up here. I keep telling him that he doesn't know me and maybe that's one of the reasons that he won't remember me. I keep pushing the idea that he has no idea who I am. Will it help if I let my guard down and let him actually get to know me? Because maybe if he gets to know me then maybe I can let myself go. Is it possible that he's a different person than I know he is? Is it possible that I'm the one in the wrong here and that maybe none of this has actually happened for me?

That can't be. Because I remember everything so vividly. Everything that has happened to me…to us…it's so clear in my mind. And if the memories that I have were implanted in me, what would be the reason for it? What would be the reason for me to suffer? To not be happy? There's no way. This is David's fault, I'm sure of it. I can't give up now. I can't just sit back and let things play out this way. I want my life back. I want Tobias back. I need him here with me because I can't do this on my own.

He turns back to look at me offers me a smile as he opens the door. "I don't ever have people over," he tells me. "So I apologize if it's kind of a mess."

I shake my head as I walk past him into the room and I set my bag down on the floor. Everything was just like I remembered. He was the same, which meant that I didn't have that to worry about. I turn to look at him, a smile on my lips. "No, it's great," I tell him. "Just like I remember."

"You've been here before?" There is a hint of surprise in his voice.

I nod. "There's not a lot that I don't know about you, Tobias."

He watches me for a moment and the muscle in his lip twitches up. I walk through the room to the bed and sit down on it, brushing my hair out of my face. I take a breath. "The group is looking pretty good," I say. "Don't you think?"

He nods at my question and walks over to his lockers before shrugging off his jacket and hanging it up. I can't keep my eyes off of him. I watch as he pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it into the basket that's meant for laundry. I bite my lower lip as I get up and cross to him, running my fingers down his back, looking at his tattoos, rememorizing the way they spread out across his back. He stiffens at the touch and I pull my hand away. He shakes his head. "Don't," he says. I look up to meet his eyes.

I nod and return my hand to him, letting my fingers run over the different faction tattoos. "How did you know?" I ask.

"How did I know what?"

"That you could show me these?"

His shoulders lift in a shrug and I watch his face. He turns around and looks down at me. My heart beats a little bit faster in my chest and I swallow, suddenly nervous. But this is Tobias. I shouldn't be nervous. He lifts his hand and brushes it across my cheek. "Because I trust you."

I nod, even though what he said wasn't really a question. He smiles at me and I smile back before going to grab my bag from over by the door and I pull my night shirt out. I go into his bathroom to change, pulling the shirt over my figure before heading back out. I put my clothes back in the bag and turn to find Tobias staring at me. I blush because I realize how little I'm wearing, and I didn't even think about it. "Sorry," I say, my voice quiet as I move to the bed and get under the blanket. I lay down and take a breath, nervous. At least now the blanket is covering me so I don't have that to worry about.

After a few moments, he comes to join me on the bed and the only thing that I can think about is the space between us and the heat radiating from both our bodies. I can't stop myself from the sensation running through my body, the heat, the tingling. I feel his hand move and he takes mine in his, lacing our fingers together under the blanket. I turn to look at him and he's watching me, with that half smile on his face.

"I don't want you to feel like I'm ever pushing you," I say, my voice quiet.

He squeezes my hand. "I don't," he tells me.

"Good," I tell him as I bite my lip. His hand on mine is comforting and it makes me smile. I let out a breath. "I may not have been away too long, in my reality, but I really missed you."

He smiles back at me. "I'm right here, Tris," he says. "And I'm not going anywhere."

I nod and close my eyes, just wanting to enjoy the moment. I feel his hand on my cheek so I open my eyes. He's moved closer to me my breath hitches in my throat and he stares into my eyes. I can't breathe, I can't move, I can't do anything but stare into those dark blue eyes of his. I swallow past the lump in my throat and take a breath. "You promise?"

He nods and I let the breath go. "I promise."

I don't care about space or anything. I move in and rest my head against his chest. I take in his scent and feel a sense of calm run through me. His arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me against him. I hold onto his arms and I don't ever want to let go. He rests his head against mine and I close my eyes, feeling better than I had in the last twenty-four hours. His lips press to my forehead and I let out a sigh, a smile on my lips, though he can't see it.

"I think maybe tomorrow we should play capture the flag," Tobias says. "But I don't know if we should trust them with guns yet, even if they're just sim darts."

I bite my lip, thinking. "I think we should give them a little more training," I say. "The hand to hand we just started and from what I saw, it looked a little sloppy."

"Agreed," he said. "I kind of just wanted to see what you meant by Ferris Wheel."

I pull away so that I can look up at him. "What?"

"You said something about the Ferris Wheel yesterday, so I assumed that maybe if we went back, something might click. I might remember something."

I shake my head. "You would _willingly_ climb the Ferris Wheel?" I ask him.

"For you? Yeah of course."

I smile at him and resist the urge to kiss him. Instead I move in and press my lips to his cheek. Safe. Easy. Simple.

"Is that so surprising?" he asks me.

"No, actually it's not."

"Then don't act surprised," he tells me as he squeezes my sides gently. I move against him, a soft laugh slipping through my lips and he grins at me. "How didn't I notice you before? How didn't I notice you?" he asks, brushing my hair behind my ear. "In this life; in this time?"

I shrug because I don't have the answer to that. I don't know why…I don't know anything about what's going on here, except that I want to try to get things back to normal. I want to get things back to the way they were when it was me and Tobias. "it doesn't matter," I tell him. "Because you notice me now."

Tobias nods leans in, his forehead pressing against mine. "I see you."


	8. Chapter 8

I don't know what time is it when I wake up, but Tobias' arm is wrapped fully around me and I couldn't move even if I wanted to. And I don't. Because right now, in this moment, it doesn't feel any different than it was before. I don't have to worry about Tobias not knowing who I am or what we have together. But then reality sets in and I know where I am, and I know he doesn't remember. I pick his arm up so that I can climb out of the bed. I grab my clothes from the bag near the door and take them into the bathroom so that I can change. When I am done, I take some of the toothpaste that is on the sink and put it on my finger, using it to brush my teeth. I make a mental note to grab my toothbrush when I come back later. _If_ I come back. I probably shouldn't, given the circumstances. Sure, Peter probably wants to kill me, and he definitely can if he puts enough effort into the act, but does that give me the right to sleep with someone else's boyfriend? Granted, we _had _only been sleeping, and their entire relationship was a sham, but to Christina, who doesn't know any better, it's real. All of it is real. She doesn't know. She has no idea. And that makes me a bad friend.

I rinse my mouth out and dry my hands on the towel by door before leaving. Tobias is still sleeping. That's a good sign. I stop and watch him for a moment and comtemplate not leaving, but my better judgment wins out. I pack my night shirt in the bag before picking it up along with my shoes before leaving the room. I drop the bag off in my own room, which surprisingly looks untouched, as I had expected Peter to come looking. I shut the door before heading down to the Pit. I catch the clock as I leave, noting that I have about an hour before the group will start to show up. Which means I have about an hour to just deal with myself. And I have a lot of shit that I have to deal with.

When I get back to the pit, I set up the speakers to that the music is blasting, but not loud enough to send it up to the rooms. I stretch before I take off and run the entire length of the Pit two and a half times before I have to stop, my side starts to hurt and I walk over to the water station to fill a cup. I down it before refilling it and i move to go sit down next against the wall so that I can relax for a few moments at least before people start filing in. I close my eyes and take the time to try to catch my breath when I hear footsteps come . My eyes shoot open, ever since yesterday, I'm now terrified of Peter more than ever. If I am alone and I can't handle myself, then I'll most likely die. But instead I see…no…that's not even possible. This has to be a dream.

"Uriah?" I ask. I can't keep the shock out of my voice. Because coming toward me is real life, healthy, Uriah, with a grin on his face and I feel my chest begin to tighten. This can't be real. I look around to see if anyone else sees him, but I am by myself down here.

"Hey," he says with a grin. "Sorry I missed you at dinner last night, I woke up in the infirmary with a killer headache." He chuckles as he moves to sit next to me. "And on my way down I heard about Peter." He gives me a look like I should have known better. And he'd be right. I _should_ have known better. I _would_ have known better…but given the circumstances, I didn't really have much of a choice.

I don't even know what to say at this point. I'm not even sure if I'm going crazy and this is a hallucination or if I'm dreaming. Because it _cannot_ be real. David can't bring people back to life, right? _Right? _I swallow past the lump in my throat and I force a smile onto my lips. "Hey," I say. My voice comes out a bit shaky and I try to keep it even, I will not be able to give an explanation for my behavior. "Yeah…he's crazy."

"Didn't we figure that out last year?"

I nod. "Yeah," I say.

"I don't know what you see in him," Uriah tells me.

I shake my head and lift my shoulders. "Neither do I," I answer with a laugh.

He grins at me. "Though you and Tobias…"

"What?" I ask, maybe a little too quickly.

"You guys had a chemistry last year…I don't know what happened."

I look at him, shaking my head slowly because as far as I'm concerened, last year didn't go the way I remember. Everyone remembers different things. I wasn't the same person I was last year, and the fact that Uriah is here…it makes sense that he remembers. Because he can't really be here. This conversation isn't real. Maybe I'm in pain or something. I don't know. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on," he says. "You know you kind of blew everyone's mind when you kissed him after initiation. But I don't know how things fell apart so quickly for you."

Uriah's reality…is _my_ reality. I take a breath and turn toward him. "Uriah, what's the last thing that you remember…before waking up, I mean."

He narrows his eyes in concentration, in thought and then he makes a face. "An explosion of some sort…at the…where were we? We weren't here, were we?" He looks around the Pit and sighs. "Nah, we weren't here."

I stare at him, my mouth slightly open as I try to process what's going on. I thought I was alone. I thought I was…wait. No. Like I said. This could still all be a dream. This could be all pretend. This could be…

"Uriah!" Tobias' voice calls from the other side of the room. I feel dizzy now. It's a good thing I'm sitting. "Hey man," he says when he gets close enough to us. He looks down at me curiously, probably upset that I left without him or something, I don't know what goes on inside of his head. Not anymore. "Looks like you finally made it out of the infirmary," he says, looking back at Uriah. "How do you feel?"

"I've got a headache, but that's what the pills are for, right?" he grins at me before getting up.

Tobias can see Uriah. Tobias can _see_ Uriah. I'm not crazy. I'm not dreaming. But if it's neither of those things, then what the hell could it be? As far as I knew, there was no bringing people back to life. If there had been, David probably would have used the technology to bring my mother back to life. Not that she would have stayed with him. That, I'm sure of. I swallow and get to my feet and stretch out. I finish off the water and I toss the cup in the trash.

"I'm gonna let you guys get to training," Uriah says, nodding his head as the group of initiates file in. I look up at the clock. Two minutes before they're supposed to be here. To a Dauntless, that's just not good enough."See you later?" he asks, looking at me and I nod. Because he and I need to talk. I wonder if it's him. I wonder if there's anyone else that's coming back. I don't know why they're here, but I'm going to try to figure it out. Because if they're back and they remember…then does that mean that there's a chance of getting Tobias to remember?

After Uriah leaves, Tobias turns to me and we start walking toward the group. "Why'd you leave so early?" He asks me, his voice low.

"It was only an hour," I say, dodging the question.

"Okay then let me rephrase. "Why didn't you wake me and why is your bag gone?"

I swallow, taking my time before answering. I knew he wouldn't' have missed that. "Because it's better this way."

"What way? You keeping secrets from me?"

"Everything about me is a secret to you," I hiss back at him.

He lets out a breath and I know he's mad. "You really gotta stop doing that, "he says. "You gotta trust me, Tris. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hard you push me away."

"And why is that?"

"I told you. There's something here. And you…you've infected me and I can't get rid of you even If I wanted do, which I don't. I can't _not_ be involved with you."

I clench my jaw. He's right. I try to run and he'll find me. I try to keep my distance and I keep getting pulled back in. There's no escaping the way that he makes me feel. As much as I try to do the right thing here, I _can't_ not be with him. "Okay."

"Okay?" he asks. "Okay, you're going to stop trying to push me away?"

I nod. "Okay," I tell him. "But you're going to have to tell Christina. I can't do this to her."

Tobias nods. "it'll be done today," he tells me. "And your bag better be back in our room."

_Our_ room. I can't stop the smile and I nod before turning to ace the group. "You guys are late."

"Late?" an Candor boy asks. "We're right on time."

"Sure," Tobias says, following my lead. "But on time is late. You need to be here five minutes early. Because if something goes now and you were taking your time, because you thought you had a few extra minutes, that's on you. You lose half your team in those few minutes."

They stare at us. I don't have a doubt that they'll be early tomorrow. Which means I'll have to show up earlier if I want to get some training of my own done. "Laps," I yell out. "Go!"


	9. Chapter 9

After morning training, we leave the pit and head into the cafeteria for lunch. It's busy and crowded and my eyes look for Christina. She's already sitting down and eating. I feel a little bad that I don't even know what her job is. Everyone has a job…so what is it that she does with her time? I'll have to ask her later…unless she's too angry with me later. Tobias is behind me and he places a hand on my back ushering me forward, to the table Christina is at and I swallow, nervous. I sit down next to her. "Hey Chris," I say offering a smile before turning to my food. Tobias sits on the other side of us and I wish desperately that this situation isn't what it is, but there's nothing I can do about it. She doesn't know, and she thinks that everything is okay. The friendship that is between us, even though I'm not sure how to describe it, is going to be shaky. And right now I need as many allies as I can get. I don't know how far this is all going to escalate so I need people on my side.

"Hey," Christina says. "Exciting news about Uriah waking up, huh?"

I feel my jaw clench at the mention of Uriah. I still don't know why he's here…or how. But I'm going to try to figure it out later, if I have an opportunity. Tobias notices the muscle spasm and his eyes narrow, but I shake my head, not wanting to get into it. I'm not even sure how to explain it to him. And if I tell that he was the cause of Uriah's death, it would probably affect him that it did the first time. Things were different now, I knew that before, but now it's even worse considering Uriah was back. Back and alive, that is. It's strange, and even though I've only been here for two days, I still don't understand anything that's going on.

"Definitely," Tobias answers, because obviously the lull in silence was overwhelming. I had been too wrapped up in my thoughts of conspiracy that I hadn't even noticed that I hadn't answered Christina's question. I need to work on that….the whole not paying attention thing. It would prove to be very dangerous here…for me…for everyone.

"You okay?" she asks me as she chews on a piece of chicken.

I nod. "Oh yeah," I say. "Everything's fine."

She stares at me. "You've been acting super weird lately," she tells me.

I shrug as I cut a piece of chicken before taking a bite. "I don't have an explanation," I tell her. I feel Tobias looking between the two of us and I'm sure to not look at him, not to make what's coming any harder than it has to be.

"Is it because of Peter?" she asks me, resting a hand on my arm.

I look at her surprised. "What?" Peter hadn't even crossed my mind. Well he had, but not to the point where he would even warrant this kind of reaction from me. The old Tris, the one that I didn't know, probably would have. But this is me now. I am in control of this life. I am a completely different person. "No, no of course not."

"Are you sure? Because if it was me, I would totally be the same way."

"It's not!" I snap at her. She pulls away from me like I've burned her and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. The cafeteria has gone quiet and I feel people staring at us. I set my fork down and shake my head. "I'm sorry," I tell her before getting up and leaving the room. I need to get ahold of myself. I need to relax and keep things going as best I can. I have to keep it together.

I make it down the hallway and instead of going back to the room like I have originally planned in my escape I go down to the pit. I put some chalk on my firsts before I walk over to the punching bags and I honestly can't tell you how long I was there before my knuckles started bleeding and I couldn't see anymore because I had also started crying. It wasn't Dauntless of me to cry. But maybe this was me letting my Abnegation through. I grab onto the bag and it's the only thing that keeps me up.

After a few moments, someone comes and unhooks my arms from the bag and I collapse against them and we go to the floor. At this point, I don't even care who it is. I haven't stopped crying, but I'd know his scent anywhere. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't have to, or maybe he just doesn't know what to say. But his arms are around me and I'm crying into his sweater and we don't speak.

I'm not sure how long we sit like that, but I run out of tears and I'm worried that he'll ask me why I was trying because I don't really have a logical explanation for it. At least I don't have one that's going to make any sense to anyone but me…and maybe Uriah. Even then, it's still kind of bare. I pull away and he wipes my cheeks with the sleeve of his sweater.

"You good?" he asks me. "You okay?"

I nod and smile at him. "Thank you," I tell him.

He looks at me like it's ludicrous that I'm thanking him. "Of course," He says pulling me to him and pressing his lips to my forehead. He wraps his arms around me and I breathe him, his scent relaxing me. He helps me to my feet and I look around the empty pit.

"Where's the group?" I ask.

"I sent them with Lauren for a bit," Tobias answers. "She didn't mind."

"I feel so bad about what happened," I say. "Christina must hate me."

"She kind of hates us both right now."

I look at him, surprised. "You told her?"

He nods. "I had to. I couldn't just leave it like that," he says. "I saw that you weren't okay with it…my attention until I broke things off," he sighs. "I was going to go after you, like I did the other night, and I would have been here sooner if she hadn't stopped me., and she asked me why it was _me_ that was going after you. She kept asking questions and wouldn't stop, so I told her. She was angry of course, but I think she'll get over it…in time."

I nod. "Thank you."

He smiles at me. "Are you okay though? _Really_ okay?"

"Honestly?" I ask. He nods. "I have no idea yet. But I'm working on it. And when I'm okay, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

He grins. "Good."

"So Lauren's got them on the roof shooting guns…so I'm thinking that we should probably go and get them before one of them shoots an appendage," Tobias says with a grin.

I laugh. I actually wouldn't be surprised."

"A laugh," he says brushing his hand across my cheek. "I'm glad."

I look up at him. I want to tell him that I love him, but I can't. It's too early. It's too soon. So instead I smile and I kiss his cheek. "Thank you," I tell him again. "Really."

"I'd do anything for you, Tris."

He looks down at me and smiles at me, his eyes searching my face for what, I have no idea. So I nod in response. "I know."


	10. Chapter 10

After, I go to the bathroom to wash my face to erase the remnants of my tears. I don't want the group to see me like that. It was hard enough to let _this_ Tobias see me like that. And even though he didn't know me, he didn't judge me. After I dry my face, I look at myself in the mirror and I make sure that I look okay enough to go back out. And that's when I notice Christina. She's standing by the door and I feel my heart start to beat a little faster in my chest. She's scowling at me and I know that this is not a social call. And then I realize it. I'm now scared of Christina and what she could do to me. I may be taller than her, and quite a bit stronger, but I'm scared. Ever since coming back here, to Dauntless, to this life, because of everything that I'm so unsure of, I don't know what to expect…and it terrifies me. The people that I thought I could trust…they're gone. They're all gone now.

"How could you?"

I let out a breath and close my eyes shaking my head. I don't know what to say…I don't know how to explain myself. She won't believe me if I try. It sounds crazy even to me, and I'm lucky that Tobias even trusts me enough to believe it. I turn to look at her. "You don't understand, Christina…'

"You're right," she snaps at me. "I _don't_ understand. I thought we were friends."

"We are friends," I tell her. "I wouldn't do this to you if I didn't have a good reason. It's just really complicated."

"I can keep up," she says.

"You're not going to believe me."

"Try me," she says, narrowing her eyes at me.

I lick my lips and look away from her. "When I woke up in the infirmary the other day, that isn't the last thing I remember."

"What do you mean?"

"I was…_we_ had left the city. You, me, Tobias, Caleb, Peter-"

"_Peter_?"

I nod. "Yeah, Peter," I say. "And we found this place…or rather they found us. It's way too complicated to try to explain to you right now, but something's happened…something's messed with our memories and I partially feel like I'm in a sim right now because this isn't my life."

She's staring at me like I'm crazy, and I don't blame her. "Okay…" she says slowly.

"And Tobias and I are together. We're _supposed_ to be together. Ever since last year. He and I…we…we just _connected_ and I hate that I'm doing this to you, but it's just not real."

The scowl is back on her face. "How do you know that _your_ reality isn't real? That _your_ memories are the sim? Because as far as I know, you hit your head when you went into the infirmary and you've created some alternate universe where you get what you want. You've always been jealous of me anyway, so why not come up with a story to steal my boyfriend?"

I gape at her. "Are you serious right now?" I ask her. "What about me says that I'm jealous of you? Or of anyone for that matter?"

"Please," she says rolling her eyes. "You're a Stiff. Who _aren't_ you jealous of?"

I scoff and I nod slowly, surprised that this is the person that memory serum has turned her into. Memory serum takes what makes a person themselves, and wipes it clean. The Christina that I once knew is gone. I have no idea who this is standing in front of me, looking like she's disgusted with me; by my choices. "All right then," I say. "Fine. You can think whatever you want of me and whatever you want of my actions, but if this is who you are, then you can stay the hell away from me."

She just stares at me, glaring. I want to give her a chance to speak, a chance to let the information sink it, and I know that it's hard, it's so farfetched, but I want it. I want my best friend back. I look at her for a second, to see if there's a glimpse of her somewhere deep inside and all I see staring back at me is an empty girl who has no idea who I really am. So I go. I push past her, half expecting her to grab me or come after me, but she doesn't. And that makes me think something worse will come later. I know that I have to try to not let it get to me, but lately, everything has been working its way it and I'm slowly unraveling…slowly reaching my breaking point.

I must look flushed or aggravated or something because when I make it back because when Tobias sees me, his eyebrows furrow in confusion and I can see the question on his lips, but I shake my head. I'll tell him later…or I won't tell him at all. Because I don't want him worrying about me more than he already does. It just isn't fair to him. I turn to the group and I bite my lip.

"I know Lauren was teaching you guys on the roof with the guns and everything, but I think we should focus a little more on hand to hand combat," I say. "From what I saw yesterday, you guys have a long way to go."

They look at me, with their eyes narrowed in offense, like they can't believe what I've said to them. At the moment, I am too annoyed to care.

"Did I hurt your feelings?" I ask, shaking my head. "Toughen up you guys. This is Dauntless and you have to be strong." I hop down from the platform and head to the fighting mat. "A year ago, I was where you are now. I was ranked in last place and I didn't think that I would make it. I wasn't strong. I was the weakest one. But then I got stronger…I trained, relentlessly, and I got my ass kicked on this very mat. I had a concussion and I was out for nearly an entire day." I take a break to look over at Tobias who is smiling. I don't know how it went down for him, but I'm telling it my way. I can't help but smile as I think back and turn my attention back to the group. "But I got up and I got better. And Four, he's the best there is. I'm just the lucky girl who got chosen to train with him."

I see Tobias move out of the corner of my eye and he comes up next to me on the mat. I look at him as he speaks. Watching him speak is kind of dazzling…and amazing. It's hard not to pay attention to him. "Now you're all here because you chose to be here," Tobias says. "And when you're done with initiation, you'll be given jobs. And some of you will be given the job to protect the gates to the city, to protect us from what's outside them."

"Is there really anything outside the gates?" A Candor boy asks.

"Not that we know of," Tobias says. "But just in case there is something out there, we'll need to be ready."

I swallow my response and I take a breath, before nodding. "Pair up, you guys," I say clearing my throat. "And then in about half an hour we'll pair you guys up and you'll have to fight. It doesn't matter that you guys are friends, you'll need to fight and you'll need to make it good."

"Good?'

"You need to fight like you mean it," Tobias said. "Like your life depends on it."

"When do we stop?"

"Until we can't go on?"

"Until one of you concedes," Tobias says. "That used to be how it was before, but now it's if one of you concedes."

I look at Tobias and smile. "Try not to kill each other."


	11. Chapter 11

After we're finished for the day, we start cleaning up the Pit and Tobias comes over to me. I know that I'm not in the clear after the way he looked at me when I came back from the bathrooms earlier. He still remembers like I still remember and so I know he's going to ask me about it. So I do what I've done the past couple of days, and avoid his gaze as I pull the knives from the box. I don't want to leave quite yet, and I figure throwing blades will help distract me a little bit from the conversation that's about to happen. He steps toward me and I move away and head toward the targets. He chuckles and I hear him grabbing his own set of blades before following me. I throw the first blade and it hits the heart.

"So you want to tell me what happened or are we going to have to play twenty questions?" He looks at me before throwing his own blade.

I take a breath before answering. "Christina came to see me," I say throwing another knife.

"She did?" he sounds surprised. I wonder why, because with this Christina, I'm not surprised she reacted that way. "What did she say?"

"Mostly that I was crazy."

"Why would she—" Tobias stops. "Did you tell her?"

I bite my lip and then lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I thought that she would understand!"

He sighs. "Tris, what you know…it's hard to believe. I believe it because I trust you, but Christina…and anyone else, it's complicated."

"I know," I say shaking my head as I walk toward the target to pull out my blades. I flip one in my hand as I walk back toward him. "I was desperate, I guess. For her to know who I am. To remember something…anything. I thought we were closer than that," I look up at him. "It's weird being here…like this; this situation. Where I'm the only one who knows what's happened." Well, the only one besides Uriah, but it seems to me that no one else knows that Uriah had died, except for Uriah…and me of course, but still. I make a mental note to talk to him later because if I don't, and I let it stew any longer than it already is, I'll drive myself crazy. I don't know what Uriah is doing here, but I do know that if I get things back to the way they were, then he's not going to be here. And I can't lose him again; I can't let Tobias go through that guilt more than he already has. It wouldn't be fair.

He nods at me and walks toward me, brushing a hand down my cheek. "I know," he says. "But you'll get through it."

"How can you know that?" I ask him.

"Because you've got me."

I glance at him and he's wearing that half smile on his lips and I can't help but match it. That smile has always been a weakness of mine and I feel like a part of him knows this. Or he's caught on to it…which shouldn't be hard considering the way that he's probably seen the way that I look at him. I think everyone has seen the way that I look at him. I don't attempt to hide it…there's not really a reason to…not anymore.

"Well that's a relief," I say, my voice half teasing, half serious. I am not afraid of him not being there for me. I am afraid of not being enough for him. Not being enough for this game, this life, this _choice_. Everything is different…even the way that I love Tobias is different. I don't take it for granted now. There's too much at stake and there's too much that I'd be risking if I didn't love him the way that he deserves. This is Tobias Eaton…this is the man who has saved my life more times than I can count. I owe everything to him and he deserves to know that…if at least for a little while. However long this sim lasts, I need to be there for him. I need to be his.

He tugs my arm and pulls me against him. My heartbeat picks up speed in my chest and my eyes look up into his. I swallow, licking my lips nervously. I can feel his heart beating against my chest; our bodies are so closely pressed together. I can't find the words to say…I wouldn't even know what to say anyway, I'm so nervous. He grins at me and I hear the knives clatter to the floor. I couldn't tell you if they were mine or if they were his. He puts one hand on my waist as his other hand moves to lift my chin up to look down at me.

"Are you nervous?" he asks looking at me.

The feeling of his fingers on my skin sends shivers and heat simultaneously though my body. I shake my head at his question and I take in a breath, inhaling his scent, everything that makes him who he is. _This_ is who he is to me. He's everything to me and I love him. "No," I tell him. "I'm not."

"Good," he smiles before leaning down to kiss me.

I am not prepared for the way this feels. It spreads through my entire body and it's like an electric shock straight to my toes. It is like the first time I kissed him. I pull my hand from his as I wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him back eagerly. His hands move to my waist and he pulls me against him. I sigh as I part my lips against his and he pulls away. I am breathless as he rests his head against my own. I am hanging onto him because I'm afraid to let him go. I am partially afraid that this may be a dream.

I open my eyes and looks up at him and see that he's looking down at him. The look is one that I recognize. He's looking into me, looking into my soul. This would be a perfect time to tell him that I love him, but I can't bring myself to say it. Not yet…not now. I don't want to move too fast with him, I don't want to scare him away. I kiss him again before I pull away from him to pick up the knives.

"What do you say we go and get tattoos tonight?" Tobias says bending down to pick up his fallen blades. I walk over to the table to put the blades in their containers. He comes up behind me and I hand him the box.

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I wouldn't even know what to get," I tell him.

He looks at me and brushes his fingertips over the birds on my collarbone. "I'm sure you'll find something," he says.

I watch his hand as it brushes over my skin and I lick my lips before looking back up at him. "Yeah, okay," I say putting the lid on the container of knives and setting it back down on the table.

He holds out a hand I take it, lacing my fingers with his as we making our way out of the Pit and up the steps toward the tattoo shop. The feel of his hand in mind is comforting and I'm glad that I have him here with him…someone to lean on. It makes this easier than it would have been if I had to go it alone. We reach the top and we walk into the red lit room with the music blasting and it feels like home to me. We walk over to the wall that holds the tattoo designs and I let go of Tobias' hand so that I can walk around the wall to look at them all. I pull one out that is a series of vines that I want to get wrapped around my ankle and I turn to find the Dauntless worker and I stop in my tracks when I see them.

She comes toward me, her dark hair up in a half ponytail and I feel my heart stop in my chest. I stare at her with shock on my face and she smiles at me, that knowing smile on her lips.

"Hello, Tris," Tori says.


	12. Chapter 12

I don't understand what's going on. First I wake up back in the Dauntless compound and no one but me has any ideas what's gone on in the last year and then it was Uriah coming back to life. And now Tori? This doesn't make any sense to me. I don't understand anything. I feel like I'm slowly losing my mind or something. This is real right? She's standing in front of me and there's explanation for it. So what the hell is going on?

"Tori," I say. My voice comes out like a squeak because now there's a giant lump in my throat and trying to speak past it is like trying to speak when you've lost your voice: nearly impossible. I lick my lips and try to swallow and I feel Tobias' hand squeeze my own and I look over at him.

"You okay?" he asks me.

I nod. I still haven't brought up Uriah having died with him, so I don't even know how to bring up Tori. I think that it's mostly because I don't have an explanation. "I'm good," I say taking a breath. I look back at Tori, holding up the design for the tattoo that I want. "I'd like this one, please."

She smiles at me and holds out an arm t lead me to the chair and I pull my hand from Tobias'. I kiss his cheek. "See you soon," I tell him before following Tori to her workspace.

I sit down on the chair and play with my fingers before speaking, partially because I have no idea where to start or what to say. She doesn't speak either, but with Tori, I had to ask the questions for her to answer them. I bite my lip.

"How…"

"I don't know," she tells me, wrapping the tattoo around my ankle. "I woke up her a couple days ago, bandages wrapped around my torso and that was it. No explanation of how I got here. I just figured I'd go with the flow. Whatever is happening, is happening for a reason."

I feel my shoulders slump. So Tori doesn't know either. The one person that I thought would know everything doesn't know. People were coming back to life with no logical explanation. This was insane. There's nothing we can do. Or nothing that I can think of.

"Uriah came back too," I tell her.

She looks surprised. "He died too?" she asks me. "How?"

I shake my head. "It's a long story," I tell her. "But your brother…"

"What about my brother?" she asks me.

"He's alive," I say. "He faked his death."

She stares at me, her eyes wide. "Then where is he?"

"That's also a long story," I say, glancing behind me over at Tobias who is already done with his tattoo. I didn't pay attention to what he wanted to get done as I had been too preoccupied with Tori, but I'll probably see it later. "And we don't really have a lot of time right now to go over it."

"You'll come back though?" Tori says as she takes the wrap off of my ankle. I nod. "Good because we have a lot to discuss. And when you come, you'll need to bring Uriah."

"Of course," I tell her. I'm sure that Uriah will want answers too.

"Does he know?" she asks me nodding her head at Tobias.

I shake my head. "No. He's been infected as well."

"Why is it just you?"

"I have a theory about that," I tell her. "I just need more time."

"If people start coming back from the dead, you're not going to have a lot of it, Tris," Tori tells me. "You need to figure it out."

"I'm working on it. Or I'm trying." I swing my legs over the side of the chair and look at her. "I'll pick a time and we'll meet. You, me, and Uriah. Also I'm going to bring Tobias. I can't keep secrets from him."

"Even if he doesn't know who you are?"

"He doesn't care about that," I say.

"He must really love you."

I smile, because even after everything that's happened over the last couple of days, and even with Tobias not knowing who I am…he loves me. At least a small part of him does, anyway, otherwise I'm sure he wouldn't be putting up with me like this. If I was in his position, not knowing anything, I don't know if I could trust him blindly. Trust was a hard thing for me. I look back at him again and take a breath before turning back to Tori. "I'll see you soon," I tell her.

She smiles at me. "Be safe, Tris."

I hop off of the chair and walk toward Tobias who is grinning at me. I look at him curiously. "What'd you get?" I ask.

He doesn't say anything, instead just holds out his left arm. I look down and am surprised to see the raven that has been tattooed on his wrist. I look up at him, my eyes wide. "Is this..?"

He reaches out and touches the birds on my collarbone. "It signifies you," he says, taking his hand and brushing some loose stands of hair behind my ear.

Tori was right. He must really love me. I shake my head at him, not being able to wipe the smile from my lips, before grabbing his shirt and standing up on my toes to kiss him softly. I wonder if he knows how much that small bird means to me. I pull away and he's got that half smile on his lips and he takes my hand as we leave.

We make it back down to his room without incident, and I am still surprised that Peter or Christina haven't tried to start something with us. I wonder if I'll ever be able to relax and not keep a look out around every corner we pass. Maybe eventually enough time will pass and I won't be scared to walk these dark halls by myself. We're about to go in when I remember that I haven't grabbed my bag yet. "Oh shit," I say.

Tobias looks at me, worry on his face. "What's wrong?'

"I just forgot my bag is all," I tell him. "I don't have anything to sleep in."

He smiles at me and shrugs. "I've got a shirt you can borrow," he says opening the door.

I follow him into the room and nod. "Thanks," I tell him.

He shuts the door and unzip my jacket before moving to hang it up in one of the lockers. Tobias walks over to the dresser and pulls out a shirt before handing it to me. I bite my lower lip as I take it from him, I can feel my heart racing in my chest and I have no idea why. I don't know why I'm nervous. Maybe it's because he and I just had our first kiss earlier today. Well the first kiss that he remembers. I still have the memory of ours. I look out toward the doors leading outside and I feel a little nostalgic. I walk toward it, tossing the shirt onto the bed before opening the doors and stepping outside. I take a deep breath as I lean against the railing. I close my eyes and I can feel the way his arms felt wrapped around me. Not the way they felt this morning, but the way they felt then. I hear him follow me out and I open my eyes to look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asks me.

I offer him a half shrug; because I'm not. At least I'm not in the way that I would like to be…the way that I would be if things were back to normal. And I don't know who would blame me given the situation I'm in. "It's still strange," I tell him. "Being back here…like this."

"What was it like?" he asks, moving to stand next to me, his arms next to mine on the railing. "Your reality?"

"It was dangerous," I admit. "Things changed, people died, people chose the wrong side," I say thinking of myself in the case of Marcus and the decision I made that I thought were the right ones at the time. At the thought of him I wonder I I will see him here. I pray that we don't…I don't need the drama of Marcus Eaton added onto the bullshit that I'm already dealing with.

"Is that what happened to Tori and Uriah?"

I'm surprised at the question, so I look up at him. I didn't want to have this talk with him yet. I didn't have the answers and I don't like sounding like I don't know what I'm talking about. "What do you mean?'

The corner of his mouth twitches up. "Did they die?"

"Where is this coming from?"

"You know that I watch you right?" Tobias asks. I nod. "I see the way you look at them. "The way you looked at Tori earlier tonight, like you were surprised that she was even here. You looked at Uriah the same way today when he left the pit."

I swallow and turn away from him to look back out over the city. I don't know what to say. I chew on my lower lip to run my fingers through my hair nervously. His hand takes mine and he turns me around to face him. "Don't hide from me," he tells me. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Not even if I sound completely insane?"

He shakes his head. "No, not even then."

I sigh and nod before walking back into the room, his hand still in mind. I sit down on the bed and he sits across from me.

"In the life that I remember…people died. Uriah and Tori were some of them," I tell him.

"How did they die?"

"A group of us were trying to escape the city…to find whatever it was outside of the gates," I say. He looks confused. I shake my head. "I'll explain that later. But anyway, things happened and they died in the process." I didn't want to tell Tobias that he was the cause of Uriah's death because I had seen what it had done to him before.

"How are they here?"

"That's what I don't know," I say shaking my head. "What I remember is different from what everyone else remembers. And I partially believe that it has to have something to do with the memory serum, but other than that, I have no idea. I keep thinking that it's still a dream and I'll wake up with things back to normal, but part of me just wants to stay here."

Tobias smiles at me and brings a hand up to my cheek. "Even if we're not the same people as you remember?"

I nod and look up at him. "Yeah," I say. "I don't know why but you trust me. And I know that I can't do this without you."

He smiles at me. "You don't have to worry about that," he says before he pulls me in to kiss me again. I sigh against his lips and my hands move to his shirt to hold onto him. "Ever."

I look up at him and smile and he wraps his arms around me. I rest my head against his chest as he lays back down on the bed. This feeling of safety and peace, I haven't felt it in a while. The way his arms feel around me make me feel warm. I close my eyes as his lips brush against my head.

"We're going to meet with them tomorrow night," I say. "With Tori and Uriah, to see if we can figure things out."

I feel him nod. "Do you think any more people will be coming back?"

I shrug against him. "I'm not sure." If everyone starts to come back, I don't know how I would begin to explain it. "But if they do, we'll figure it out." I say before turning my head to look at him. "Together."

"Together." He tells me before kissing me again.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up wrapped up in Tobias' arms and I wish that we could stay like this forever. If I keep my eyes closed long enough I can flash back to a time where everything is back to normal. Where this is real…where he knows me…like the way he did before. But I can't keep up the fake dream in my mind for much longer. The longer that I keep my eyes closed, the longer that I know that this isn't real and everything is _not _okay. Nothing is the same and I know better. I may not know why or how or who is behind this, but at least I'm alive. I have to open my eyes because I have a life to live. We have things to do and a training session to plan. I let out a deep sigh before tossing the covers from me. I try to move from the bed, but Tobias' arm tightens around me, pulling me against him.

"Where are you going?" he murmurs against the back of my neck.

"We have to get up," I answer.

He shakes his head and moves his lips down to my shoulder, kissing me softly. "No we don't," he says. "Five minutes."

I raise my eyebrows and move in his arms to pin them to his sides. "Five minutes?" I ask teasingly. "Someone's confident."

He looks up at me in surprise and then in the next few seconds he flips our bodies and is hovering above me. My breath catches in my throat and I feel my body shake against his. I don't think that I'm ready for this. I've done this before, but with a different Tobias, in a different time.

"I can go longer than five minutes," Tobias tells me leaning down so that our faces are inches apart.

"Oh, I know," I tell him, my voice comes out like a squeak.

He pulls back, blushing slightly. It had been a game earlier, but now this was serious. "We've…?" he trails off, not wanting to say the words. I wonder if he's embarrassed or something.

I don't know what to say…I sure as hell don't want to tell him the truth. Not yet. Not now. I swallow, licking my lips before shaking my head and fighting my way out of his arms and off of the bed. I grab a jacket and pull it over my head as I head toward the lockers. I hear him get off of the bed and his arm wraps around my wrist, pulling my around to look at him.

"Tris, stop!" He says. I'm facing him, but I don't meet his gaze. I take a breath. "Tris, look at me." I bite my lip and do as he says, my eyes meeting his. He lifts a hand and brushes against my cheek. "What's going on, baby?"

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "Everything is the same for me," I tell him. "I know everything, I know you…I remember our life together, but you…you don't."

He shakes his head. "But I want to," he says, his voice soft as he looks at me. I can't stop the tears, I don't want to cry, but I don't remember hurting this much…ever. Not even when Peter beat me into a concussion. "It kills me seeing you like this, Tris," he says. "You're miserable and it's my fault."

"It's not…"

"It is," he says. "Even if it's not directly my fault, I'm associated with it. I may not be the same guy that you know…but I'm here…and I want to be with you. I hope that I can remember you one day, the life that we had together…but for now, this is all we have. And I'm okay with that. But I don't want you to suffer because it's not what you want. I am _here_, Tris. And I'm not going anywhere."

I blink away the tears and I lick my lips before pulling my hands from his so that I can wrap them around him. I rest my head against his chest and my heartbeat slows to its normal speed as I feel him breathe out a sigh of relief. He strokes my hair and we stand there together for a few moments before I finally pull away. He lets me move, but keeps his hands on my waist.

"Can I trust you not to run?" he asks me.

"Can I trust you to stay?" I counter.

He narrows his eyes at me and lifts his hand and shows me the raven that he got last night. "In case you don't remember," he says. "This is you. And you're always going to be a part of me. Whether you like it or not, I'm sticking around. For good. You can't push me away. Understand?"

I nod and stand on my toes to kiss him. It's soft and gentle and I don't want it to end. But the life that we're living, it's happening around us. I pull away and smile up at him. "I love you," I tell him.

And there it is. It slips past my lips before I even have a chance to brace myself for it. It's out there in the open and three words have never seemed quite as big as those do, hanging in the air between us. He looks confused for a second, like he's not quite sure that I've said it, but after a moment, he realizes what it was, and a grin takes the place of the puzzling expression on his face. "I love you."

He pulls me in for another kiss. This time it isn't sweet, or gentle…it's just passion. Pure and unadulterated passion. This is a side of Tobias that I know. He lifts me up into his arms, and moves us across the room. My back hits the wall and I let out a soft moan against his lips. I wrap my legs around him to hold on; not that I'm afraid of him dropping me, I just need something to grab onto and Tobias is the best thing for that. My fingers move up to tangle in his hair and I let out a gasp as his lips brush against my neck and he steps in against me pressing his entire body against mine. I can feel how much he wants me and it matches the way I feel about him.

I move my hands to run down his bare back and he pulls away from me, setting me down on the floor. "What's wrong?" I ask him, my breath uneven as my lungs hurry to refill.

He shakes his head and takes a step away from me running his fingers through his hair. "Nothing," he says. "Everything's perfect. _You're_ perfect."

I can't help but smile at that. "Then why'd you stop?" I ask leaning back against the wall as I look at him.

He smiles. "Because you may remember this," he says gesturing between the two of us. "But I don't. And I don't want it to be rushed. I want it to matter."

I tilt my head to the side and smile before crossing to him and kissing his cheek. "You're amazing, you know that?"

"I'm starting to figure that out," he tells me with a grin.

I nod at him. "Okay…you should probably take a cold shower?" I ask glancing down at him and all he does is grin. "And then we can go down to the Pit."

"Deal," He kisses me again before he walks away toward the bathroom.

I wait until he is gone from view before I slide down to the floor. It's him…it's always been him. It doesn't matter what he remembers or what he doesn't. This is Tobias Eaton…and he's the love of my life.

4


	14. Chapter 14

I don't know what I'm expecting when I get down to the Pit, but it's definitely not this. I do not know who else is coming back, or if this is just a dream within a dream. There had been so many things to happen in the past couple of days. Uriah, Tori, for god sakes, even _me_. And there is still no explanation. There is no reason, there is no knowing who is behind this. I can't leave this place because I'm under surveillance. I know that they're watching me. Whatever is on David's mind, whatever his plan is, he is going to break me apart. He is going to take everything away from me...more than he's already taken, and there's nothing I can do about it. He's onto me and that's why he sent me back. Punishing me, yes, that's fine, that's something I understand. But I don't know what he's doing with all of the people who have already died. They have already suffered, so what is the point for making them go through this again? Is it just to punish me? Is it to remind me who is really in charge? Because I know who's in charge now...and if I'm good at anything it's disrupting the status quo. But I have to do this quietly and I have to do things _my_ way.

So Tobias and I enter the Pit, and our initiation class is surrounding the sparring mat where I can easily see Uriah fighting with someone. Not like a real fight, but something the group could learn from. Uriah was one of out best fighters from my initiation class. I can't tell from our distance if it's someone from the class or an active member of Dauntless. The closer we get I can tell that it's a female with a shaved head. And my heart stops beating in my chest. My feet are frozen to the floor and I can't move. I can't force myself to move. Tobias attempts to keep walking, but his hand is attached to mine and I yank him back with me. He looks at me and his eyebrows are furrowed in confusion. He's worried, nervous, and I don't blame him, I've been a bit crazy over the past couple of days. But that's not without reason.

"You okay?" he asks me.

I'm staring at the two fighting on the mat and I can't breathe. This doesn't make any sense to me. If they're all coming back...what's the point. What's the meaning to all of this. Why is this happening? Why are they back? I swallow and my grip tightens on Tobias' arm because I feel dizzy now. I feel like I'm going to collapse. My knees are weak because I don't actually understand what's happening. Part of me believes that this is really all just a simulation and I'm still locked up at the Bureau. This could all just be some sick experiment that David is placing on me because I have pure genes. Not only that but the fact that I tried to defy him. Everything that was happening was my fault. Things has snowballed after my decision to choose Dauntless. I feel like I've lost vision, it's blurred, dark, I can't make out faces, I can't make out voices. This is too much.

"Tris?"

I take a few moments to gather my thoughts, take a few breaths. I open my eyes and Tobias is hovering over me, his eyes hooded with worry. I swallow and nod. "I'm fine," I say, offering him a smile. "I'm sorry."

"Don't dot hat," he tells me, pulling me into a hug. "You had me worried."

I breathe in his scent and it calms me like it always has. "I'm sorry," I repeat. I pull away from him and look back toward the mat where the fight has ended and Uriah and Lynn are now walking toward us. I smile at her and throw my arms around her neck. Sure, we weren't _that_ close before she died, but we were close enough that a hug was justified. A short one, though. She chuckles and looks me over when I pull away.

"You look good," she tells me.

I laugh. "Wow thank you," I say. "You too...considering I guess."

"Considering?" Tobias asks.

I look at him and shake my head, in a "not now" sort of way. I hope he understands, but this is definitely not something I want to talk about here. Too many innocent hears. Too many things that could be talked about and overheard. I couldn't take the chance that David would figure it out and do something to cause for trouble for me. He nods and I turn back to Lynn and Uriah.

"I don't know if Tori told you," I say to Uriah. "But we're meeting up tonight. To talk about things. If anyone else pops up...just bring them along."

"You think anyone else will come back?" Lynn sounds eager, excited and I know that she's talking about Marlene.

To be honest, I have no idea how far this is going to go back. how many people are going to start popping up. when it's going to stop. There's just too much to think about. And I can't let myself focus on it right now. Getting this class through their initiation is the most important thing right now. I remember what it felt like a year ago. I felt like I was in danger every day, and sure that was in most part due to Peter and his threats on my life. But this group of transfers...I wasn't going to let anything happen to them. this is supposed to be a better life for them.

I shake my head. "I'm not sure," I tell her. "It's been kind of intense the past couple of days. But we'll talk it out later. You two need to find something to do while we're training. Stay safe, busy. Have fun. You don't get to come back to life everyday."

They both give me a look and I shrug, smiling at them. "You're a nutcase, Tris," Lynn tells me.

"Oh yeah, she definitely knows that," Tobias says, with a grin.

I smack his arm and roll my eyes. "I'll see you guys tonight, okay?" I give another hug to Lynn and Uriah before stepping away and heading toward the group.

"Is she doing okay?" I hear Uriah ask Tobias, so I slow my pace so I can hear what they are saying about me.

I stop close enough away so that I can hear without being obvious that I'm listening. I glance back to see Tobias rubbing the back of his neck and turn just in time to see him stare at me, raising a brow. I turn away and bite my lower lip, pretending I'm paying attention to whatever the initiate is saying to me. Rude, I know, but when it's Tobias talking about me, I kind of have to know what he's saying.

"She's okay," he says. "Confused, but if I were in her shoes I'd be confused too."

At least it's the truth. I'm confused. I don't understand what's going on. But hopefully we can come to at least some type of understanding tonight. I trust Tori and if anyone can figure this out, I'm thinking it's her. I take a breath and look at the Candor transfer in front of me.

"Sorry, one more time," I tell him.

"What are we doing today?" he asks.

I purse my lips in thought and lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I'm thinking we'll work on your shooting. How's that sound?"

He grins. "Sounds great."

"Okay, good. Go wait with the others." I say before turning back around to Tobias.

He glances at me with a smirk. "Eavesdropping, we you?"

I shrug. "Can you blame me?"

He shakes his head. "No, not really."

"That's what I thought." I say, standing on my toes to press my lips to his cheek. "So...gun training sound good for today?"

He thinks about it for a second before nodding. "Sounds perfect."


	15. Chapter 15

After dinner is when we're supposed to meet up. When everyone is still working on dinner or working off dinner and training in the Pit or even just relaxing before bed. I'm sitting next to Tobias in the cafeteria, his hand is holding mine under the table...I wonder if he can feel how fast my heart is racing. I'm pretty sure every part of my body is pulsing with nerves right about now. Since the time all of us spoke in the Pit, there hadn't been any surprises. At least, none that I had heard about. Granted, I had been a little more than preoccupied with training today than I had been since we started. I mean, they were handling guns now and I didn't really feel like getting shot again. We barely had any time to stop for lunch before we started up again. I thought they looked promising, but Tobias thinks that they definitely need more work before capture the flag. I wished that we could go sooner rather than later, because I was anxious to get him back on the Ferris Wheel. But I can wait until the group is ready to go. We don't need anyone falling so far behind in training because they got injured at the fairground. I wonder if anyone has shown up. I wonder if anyone will realize the significance of Lynn and Uriah being here. No one knows but those of us who have come back. It's strange, being one of the few that knows what's going on. Just because I know what's going on, doesn't mean I have all the answers. I wish I did though. I wish I had a way to explain things to everyone. To explain things to myself.

I jump in my seat when Tobias squeezes my hand, and I feel embarrassed when I look at him. "Yeah?" I say, knowing there's red on my cheeks.

He smiles at me. "You kind of spaced out there for a bit," he tells me. "What's on your mind?"

"Sorry," I answer, biting my lower lip. "I was just thinking about tonight and also capture the flag."

"That game seems to have meaning..." he says. "Are you going to tell me what it is?"

I shake my head. "No," I grin. "It's not really something I can explain. It has to be experienced."

"Oh yeah?" he asks me raising his eyebrows teasingly as he leans in to kiss me.

I kiss him back and when I pull away I see Peter and Christina staring at us. I would originally be surprised seeing them sitting together, but I'm not now. Especially not after they've both been "spurned" in the last few days. I don't know what they could be planning together in terms of revenge, but I'm not looking forward to having to deal with it. I shake my head and look at Tobias who turns his head to see what I was looking at before scoffing and looking back at me.

"Don't mind them," he says. "If they give you any trouble, I'm always going to be around."

I nod. "I know," I say. "You're kind of perfect that way."

"I'm far from perfect," He says, wrinkling his nose at me

"Whatever you say," I say shaking my head at him. "But I know the truth."

He smirks at me and looks up at the clock and clears his throat. "Should we go?" he asks me, his voice quiet. I follow his gaze to the clock and feel my heart pick up speed again. I barely ate anything due to the fact that I was so nervous about the meeting. What if they all expect me to have all the answers? I mean...I am the last person to have died. If that's even what happened. I nod at his question before we get up and leave the cafeteria. Uriah and Lynn follow shortly after, as to not draw any attention. The last thing we needed was people showing up at the meeting and figuring out things that they just didn't need to know.

We meet up at the top of the stairs before heading down the hall toward the Tattoo Parlor and I feel the butterflies start up again. I take a breath and lick my lips and Tobias squeezes my hand, reassuring me. "It's gonna be fine," he whispers to me.

He opens the door and the first thing I see if Tori standing talking to a familiar girl and my heart picks up speed again.

"Marlene?"

Lynn is the one who speaks and before any of us have time to react, she is sprinting toward her and enveloping her in a hug. Things are beginning to make sense now. First it was me. I woke up in the infirmary with wounds from my last encounter. From when David shot me. And then it was Uriah with the pounding headache. And then Tori. We're coming back in the opposite order we fell. I can't feel my legs so my grip on Tobias tightens because I feel like I'm going to fall over.

"Tris?" Tobias turns and his grips both of my arms and holds me against him. "Baby, are you okay?"

I hold onto his arms and rest against his chest, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Tris?" Tori asks.

I nod against his chest. "I'm fine," I say. I take a few more seconds before letting go of him and moving over to one of the chairs. Everyone is already sitting down so Tobias takes the chair next to me. He's not letting go of my hand, and I'm grateful about it.

"Are you okay?" Uriah asks, from my other side.

I look up around the circle of chairs and nod. "Yeah," I say. "I think I figured something out."

"Please share it," Tori says.

Her voice is soft and her eyes are on mine. Tobias squeezes my hand and I take a breath.

"I don't know how right I am about this...it's just a theory," I say. I take a breath and lick my lips. "But we're coming back in the opposite order that we died."

"So who's next?" Lynn asks from her spot next to Marlene on the other side of Uriah.

I look at her, though I'm not really seeing her. I close my eyes to try to remember back to when I lost everyone. It hurt. The way that it felt watching all of my friends die. Watching the way that they hurt losing the people that they love. Remembering back to how everything went down, especially after the simulation that cost so many people their lives. I replay everything that's happened, every moment, every fight, every word. And I gasp as my eyes snap open. They find Tori and everyone is staring at her. Everyone except Tobias, who has no idea...he doesn't remember.

Tori takes a breath and nods. "It's Jeanine," she says, her voice quiet, but full of strength. She had killed Jeanine because she blamed her for the death of her brother. And now that she knows that George is alive? What will happen now? "And I'm the one who killed her."


	16. Chapter 16

Ever since the announcement…ever since we have an idea of what's going on, we're all nervous. We know what Jeanine can do and we don't want to see her do it. I am nervous. We're all nervous. I explained things the best that I could to Tobias after the meeting, because he was the only one out of us who had no idea what had really happened before. And I didn't want him to feel as out of loop as he already did. Plus, he's Tobias, and as much as I kept from him before, I don't want that to be our relationship. So much had gone wrong when we kept things from each other, and I don't want to repeat that part of our history. We've been trying to keep an eye out for any signs of distress from the city. Making sure that we're watching what's going on when we go for our runs, when we're picking up supplies for the compound. But it's been three days and I haven't heard anything. Then again, Tobias doesn't really want me going out on my own. And I don't blame him. The last time he and I tried to do things separately, I almost died.

It's right after training and Tobias and I are heading back to his room. I wanted to change clothes before dinner, today we had demonstrated fighting and I might have been a little more hands on than I normally am, but I had a lot of frustration to work out. We had four people come back…five, including me, in less than a week. And yet…the one person that we're scared out, the person that we're waiting to come back…she's nowhere to the found, nothing to be heard from. What is she planning? What is she going to do to us? I run my fingers through my hair and it's only when I pull then away that I realize that they had been shaking. I groan and push open the door, unzipping my jacket and tossing it to the floor.

"Tris?"

I don't answer him, I just move to the lockers to pull out a new shirt. I let out a shaky breath and close my eyes shaking my head, willing myself not to cry. I hold the shirt in my hands, but I make no move to switch it with the one I'm currently wearing. I jump when Tobias places a hand on my arm.

"You okay?"

I turn around to look at him and then just shake my head. "Not really, no."

Instead of speaking, he just pulls me into a hug and I bury my face in his shoulder, taking a deep breath for his scent and I feel calm automatically. I feel safe in his arms and it's moments like these that I wish that everything else could fall away from us and that we could be the only people in the world. Things would be better this way. At least part of me believes that. The other part knows better. With everything that has been going on, I know that that's not the smartest decision. We have jobs…we have decisions that need to be made and battles to be fought. Though I don't know what to expect for the future.

He pulls away from me and takes my hand, leading me to the bed and has me sit down next to him. "What's going on?" he asks me, squeezing my hand.

I pull my feet up onto the bed and turn to face him, meeting his dark blue eyes that are focused on my face. It's that intense gaze of his that makes me feel safe…that I can tell him anything, because I can. And now that he knows…well, mostly knows about what had happened here in the past, I know that I can count on him for more than just moral support. He's been the guy to always look after me. No matter what.

"I'm scared," I tell him, my voice cracking. My eyes sting with the promise of tears and I know that I can't stop myself this time. I'm not strong enough "I don't know that to expect. I don't know what's coming. I don't know how to do this." I close my eyes and feel the tears roll down my cheeks. I lick my lips and try to choke back a sob, but fail. My breath comes out in gasps.

"Hey, look at me," Tobias whispers, and I feel his hands on my cheeks, wiping away my tears. I open my eyes and meet his eyes. "It's gonna be okay, Tris. I promise."

"How can you know that?" I ask. "You don't remember what Jeanine was like. What she did…who she hurt. She didn't care. She's a sociopath."

"And from what you've told me, we take care of it, and we stop her. We can stop her again."

I lift a hand and wipe at my cheek. "It's scary, you know?" I say. "Reliving the past."

"But you're not," he tells me. "This is the future. This is _our_ future. We have a chance to do things differently this time. And I know that I'm not the same person you're in love with, but—"

I don't even let him finish. There's no point. I close the gap between us and kiss him, short, sweet, but full of everything that I can't say to him. I pull away and rest my head against his. "You _are_ the same person I'm in love with," I say, my voice quiet. "I love you, Tobias. Always."

He chuckles softly and I look up at him. He's smiling at me and kisses me again. After a moment, I pull away. "Wait, what is that funny?"

He smiles. "Because I've been feeling that I've been competing with this other…_me_. And I don't know if you realize how difficult it is to live up to someone that I don't remember."

I shake my head. "There's nothing to live up to," I tell him. "You're him. You're you, and you're the one that I want to be with."

"Yeah?" he asks me, his arms wrapping around my waist and pulling me toward him. My heart is beating fast in my chest and I feel like I can't breathe properly. Not with the way that his eyes are penetrating mine.

"Yeah," I answer, my voice quiet.

I look down at his lips before back up at his eyes and it's like we share the same thought. We move together in perfect unison and our lips crash together, hungrily and my hands move around to find the hem of his shirt tugging it up over his head. He does the same with my shirt before laying me down on the bed. Our lips collide again and his hands are on my pants tugging them down and my fingers work on his, wanting to feel all of him. He pulls away and our breath mingles as he stares down at me, for permission and I nod, and he pushes my legs apart and I feel my heartbeat quicken. I let out a shake breath as he looks down at me again before pushing into me.

We move together and we don't miss a single beat. I don't care that this isn't the life that I remember. This is the life that I have, and Tobias…he makes everything better.


	17. Chapter 17

I wake to the sound of pounding on the door. It pulls me from the dream, of the reality that was once my life. Though it wasn't a dream...it was a reality. My parents are still alive and it is before the Choosing Ceremony. The night before. We are eating dinner together and talking about our choices and I am reprimanded for speaking out of turn. I could not help myself, I was just curious about it...hungry for the answers, and in that moment truly believed that I belonged in Erudite. I had three options, and only one choice to make. It weighed on my all night long, I had barely gotten any sleep. But as I stood before the bowls, I didn't know which choice to make. Part of me already knew what would happen if I chose Dauntless, but part of my wanted to choose another path. If I had chosen another path, my parents wouldn't be gone. Or maybe they would. Any choice I would have made, Jeanine would have still taken over Dauntless and slaughtered hundreds of people. My heart jumps in my chest and I scramble out of the bed to find whatever clothing is near me and pull a shirt of over my head. Tobias is already out of the bed and he's walking toward the door.

He opens the door and I look up at who enters. It's Tori, followed by Uriah, Lynn and Marlene. I narrow my eyes and look at them. The shirt is long enough so that I don't need pants, but the sudden intrusion makes me realize that I should put them on. I head to the lockers and pull out a pair of my pants and pull them on before turning back to look at them.

"What is it?" I ask pulling my hair back into a ponytail. "What's wrong?"

Tori looks at me and she looks worried. So I know what it is. I swallow and lick my lips. I shake my head and rub my face.

"She's back isn't she?"

Tori nods and I sit down on the bed. We knew she was coming back, but we didn't know when. And I didn't realize how it would affect me knowing that she was around again. She was dangerous, and who knew what kind of hold she would have on the leadership of the city. In Erudite she was probably already brainwashing more and more people. Who knew what she could do next? Who knew what she was planning. I look up when Tori sits down next to me. The others grab chairs and circle us.

"We're going to be okay," she says. "We can handle her. We've done this before."

"But we're the only ones," I answer. "We're not much of an army."

She shakes her head. "We don't need an army. We just need a strong enough following."

"What do you mean?" I ask her.

"The last time she took control was with the trackers," Tori says. "She had every single one of us injected. We know better now. We can stop it from happening again."

"How can we do that without telling everyone else the truth?" Marlene ask. "Not everyone is as understanding as Tobias."

Tobias looks surprised that Marlene used his real name. I guess he's just used to people calling him Four. Especially in this life. He looks at me and I lift my shoulders, smiling at him. I look at Tori.

"What Marlene said," I tell her. "How do we do that?"

Tori smiles. "You leave that to me," she says. "I'm still part of leadership here at Dauntless. I can work something out with Max."

"Wait," Lynn says. "Max? Didn't I shoot that guy?"

We look at her. And then I remember. Max was shot in the chest. By Lynn. He died. Timeline wise, he shouldn't have been there that night we introduced the initiates. He gave the same speech that he gave my first night here. I look at Tori.

"What is Max doing here?" I ask.

"What is going on?" Tobias asks.

I shake my head. "We were coming back in the order that we died," I say. "But Max…he was here when I showed up. He shouldn't be here. I don't know why he's here. Or how."

He sits back in his chair. "Well, shit."

I stand up and take a breath. "I don't even know to do with this information. I don't even know what to do."

Tori stands with me and touches my arm. "We'll take of it," she tells me. "I don't want you to worry."

"I don't know how _not_ to worry about this," I answer.

"Easy," Uriah says. "Go train your initiates."

"But what about—"

"Nope," Marlene says getting up and tugging on my arms. "Go to work. Worry about something else."

I bite my lower lip.

"I'm serious…" Tori says. "Go."

I nod. "Fine, fine," I say. "Let me get changed. And please…don't keep me out of the loop."

They nod and Uriah comes over to give me a hug and kisses my cheek. "It'll be fine," he says. "Well see you soon."

I smile and when they leave and turned to look at Tobias. He comes over to me and pulls me into a hug. He presses his lips to my head. "It's going to be okay," he says.

"I don't know what to do," I speak into his shoulder.

"Like they said," he says. "They're taking care of it. You don't need to worry."

"You know me though," I say. "I always worry about everything."

"Yeah I do," he grins.

I smile and press my lips to his. "I love you," I say.

"Love you, more."

I pull away from him and go to pull my training clothes on. After we're done we head downstairs.

"I think we should play capture the flag tonight," he says.

I look at him. "What are you talking about?"

"We need to get our minds off of the whole coming back to life thing," Tobias tells me. "I think that capture the flag will be fun for the initiates as well as fun for us."

I smile. "You know what, you're right."

"Besides, you mentioned something about the Ferris Wheel," he says. "Maybe we can relive some of your old memories."

I bite my lip. 'You'd climb the Ferris Wheel for me?"

"There's not a lot that I wouldn't do for you, Tris."

I stop walking and he stops with me. I stand on my toes and kiss him again. When I pull away from him he grins at me and we enter the Pit with a smile on my lips. The initiates are all standing together.

"Okay guys," I call out. "We've got pairs up on the screen."

"Everybody line up," Tobias shouts.


	18. Chapter 18

Once we get everyone onto the train, Tobias is in the center of the main car and everyone is circling him. I stand back a little of the side, partially because I don't really want to intrude, and partially because I love to watch Tobias in action. He moves with ease, so flawlessly that no matter what he's doing, it never ceases to amaze me. I try not to let him realize the effect that he's had on me, more now than ever, considering everything that's transpired between the two fo us. War, Fighting, death...every part of it has helped out relationship grow. Helped us both grow. But _this_ Tobias...he doesn't know that. He hasn't been through the same things as I have. He's different and although I've changed for the better _because_ of our shared history, I feel as if this is giving me another chance. Giving us another chance. The me that I was before...in my other life, I had made some bad decisions. There's no denying that fact. It's just the truth. I went behind Tobias' back countless times and lied to him, and now this was...this was a chance to start over. Dying...or almost dying, it kind of puts a prospective on things. Things you wish you could have said, things you wish you could have done differently. It's all wishful thinking, and empty dreams. This was my reset button with big red letters telling me now to push it, but I can't stop myself. I can't look away and I can't look back. This is my life now.

"Tris?"

Tobias' voice pulls me from my reverie and I look up at him to see that amused smirk, pulling his lips up into that crooked smile of his that I love so much. I make a face at him and stand up straight, pretending that I had been paying attention to him. After all, I had done all this before, haven't I? I chew on the inside of my cheek before answering. "Yes, Four?" I ask.

He narrows his eyes at me, maybe more than a little annoyed that I called him by his nickname. But I don't want anyone else to call him Tobias. I don't want anyone else to know about what ties him to me, what times us together. I feel like it's _our_ secret and to let anyone in on that would make it seem less important. It's probably crazy to think that, but sometimes I can't help myself. "You're team captain," he says.

"Who's the other captain?" I ask, confused. If we're meant to play against each other, then how are we to escape and have our moment at the top of the Ferris Wheel? And it's not like there's anyone else to pit me against. Unless for some unknown reason Christina and Peter have decided to come along and try to make my life more difficult than it already is. Not that they know any better. They don't...it's not possible. Despite my theory about my reset button, if I had a way to get things back to the way they were, I would probably take it. But if that meant losing everyone that has started to come back, people that I care deeply about, then I would keep living my life like this. I can't help myself if I'm greedy, I lost them once, I don't want to lose them again. I don't want to lose _anyone_ again.

"I am."

I recognize the voice and I my heart starts pounding in my chest. This can't be happening. Today was supposed to be an easy day, a fun day and I wasn't supposed to worry about people like Jeanine or the drama about everything that comes with them coming back. Tori told me not to worry. Uriah told me to take the day off. In theory, it was a good idea. It was a good plan. But this…it wasn't working out.

I turn to the voice and I feel him staring at me. I take a breath and try to swallow past the lump in my throat. "Eric."

The piercings in his face are more prominent than ever in the dull lighting of the train and he's smiling that smile at me. The smile that makes me stomach turn. My entire body is tense and I can feel Tobias staring at me from his spot among the initiates, but I don't move. Because he doesn't know the extent of what Eric has done. I can't explain this right now.

"Hello, Stiff," he says coming toward me. "Miss me?"

I meet his gaze, my eyes hard on his and I shake my head. I put a fake smile on, because to the initiates it all about who looks the strongest and who can handle the most. I'm training them now, no matter what Eric wants or says or why he's back. This is all different. But I'll be damned if he tries to take anything away from me. Not again and not anymore. "Of course," I say instead. "Where have you been the last couple of days?"

"Oh you know…" he says, glancing over at Tobias. "Recuperating from a gunshot wound."

I bite my lip and shake my head. "Okay, let's choose teams."

Eric just smirks at me. "You first."

"T-Four," I say, almost automatically. I don't even care at this point if I'm being judged about it. I can't do this without him. I need desperately for him to remember, even if it's just a tiny memory.

"Of course," he says, eyeing the both of us. I try not to pay attention to him. If I give into Eric, then everything that happened before could happen again and I can't let it. I take a breath and he calls of names of the initiates. I don't know how he knows who they are…their names. I don't question it.

When we are finish calling out names we pass out the guns. The train starts so slow and Eric jumps out first and his group of initiates follow. After a moment we follow after him. I lead our group down the path my group took the first time and again, I let Tobias take the lead again. Being back here, with the group, playing capture the flag gets me to a point where everything is slowly falling back into place, but it's not. Not really.

I fade away as they start speaking and I turn around to find my bearings. I spot the Ferris Wheel and grin. I make way up and toss my gun up before climbing up the ladder.

"What are you doing?"

I smile when I hear his voice and I pause on the rails before turning back to look at him. "You promised me a Ferris Wheel date," I tell him.

He looks up at the height of the wheel and then lets out a groan, shaking his head.

"Come on!" I say before continuing on up the ladder. "You did it once before."

"See that's not fair," he says following me. "You may remember, but I don't. This is still my first time."

"You're lucky that I'm not taking you zip-lining after this."

"You zip-lined?" He sounds surprised and a little closer behind me.

"I did," I answer. I look up and make sure that I notice the missing rail and remember what it felt like when we were together the last time. The first time that he really caught me. The second time that I knew that I was falling for him. "Watch out when you come up," I tell him. "There's a missing rung."

"Thanks," he says.

We climb in silence for the next few moments, both of us concentrating I guess, and I hear him talking to himself, trying to motivate himself to keep climbing higher. And I swear that I heard my name pass from his lips and I can't stop myself from smiling. When we reach the top, I look over at Tobias and I can see the look on his face. I reach a hand over and place it on top of his and I can hear his heartbeat through his skin. Height was the first fear. It was by no means the worst fear, but it was still powerful and enough that it scares him to death.

"Hey," I say, my voice soft. He looks at me, panting a bit and I lean in to press my lips against his. He sighs when I pull away and I smile at him. "I love you for this."

"Just for this?" he asks, in a shaky laugh.

I laugh with him and kiss him again. "No," I tell him. "It plays a major factor though. That'd you deal with one of your fears just to make me happy." I shrug. "You're the only one who's ever done that for me. The only one that I'd want to do this for me. I can't even imagine losing you, you know?"

He doesn't say anything for a few moments, he's just staring at me and I bite my lip. "Tris," he says. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"Always," he says, grabbing me by my waist and pulling me against him to kiss me. I keep one hand on the railing and the other wraps around his neck. I forget where we are in the moment, and I forget that we're supposed to be leading a team exercise here. But I don't care. I've needed this.


	19. Chapter 19

When we get off of the train, Tobias takes my hand and laces his fingers with mine. The other initiates start running toward the edge of the building eager to head into the Pit to join the rest of the Dauntless members for the party. There are cheers and whistles as each member jumps after the other down onto the net that is the member's entrance to Dauntless headquarters. Tobias and I stand by the other edge of the building, letting the initiates get into the building before we do. We want this time alone and the time alone, it's something that I tend to want more and more of. Sometimes I feel like I only get a few moments with him before we're bombarded by some tragedy or error that takes us away from our conversation.

I can hear the music from the Pit all the way up here, it's blasting through the open windows and on the glass ceiling of the Pit I can see the dancing flames of fire that give light to the members below. I am not sure if Tobias will want to go later tonight…but given how things have gone the past few days, alone and stressed out, I think maybe a party would be good for us. Tobias has spent so much time looking after me the past few days, and in addition to news that I just laid down on him, I might need to keep away from parties and large crowds. Who knew who we had to worry about that were members of Dauntless? They always threw parties on random nights and tonight wasn't any different. At least not for everyone here. They didn't know the truth, of what had been going on. It was just like an entire year had disappeared without anyone knowing the difference. How was is that I had lost a year and everyone was none the wiser? I must have been lost in thought because I feel Tobias squeeze my hand and I'm pulled out of my reverie and I look at him.

"Are you okay?" he asks me, his eyebrows coming together questioningly.

I let out a breath that I didn't even realize that I had been holding in and nod. "Yeah, of course," I answer, forcing a smile onto my lips.

He raises a brow at me. "Tris."

"Tobias."

He cracks a smile and stops walking, pulling me into a quick kiss. "Do you want to go to the party?" he asks.

"Do you?"

"It doesn't matter what I want," he says. "I asked you what you wanted to do."

I bite my lip. "Is it wise?" I ask him. "Given everything…"

"Everything is the exact reason why we _should_ be doing this."

"I know, but…"

"Tris, Tori said she was going to take care of things, didn't she?" I nod. "She's taking care of things…and you and I, we have tonight."

I stare up at him. With everything that I've gone through with him, with everyone since the day that I let my blood fall into the coal fire of Dauntless, things have been a never ending whirlwind. Training, running, fighting for my life to try to and fit in to a place where I had struggled to make a name for myself. I belong here. This is my home and these are my people and anyone who tries to take that away from me…I don't want to have to deal with it. But there are people who want to see me fall and who want to see me struggle. And that's what I've been going through since day one. But through it all, Tobias has been a constant for me. Sure, we had our issues where he lies or I lie, but despite it all, I know who he is and he knows who I am. Even now, where he's still not one hundred percent sure, he's jumping in with me. No questions asked, no looking back, he's with me. And I know that I have these doubts, and that I wake up in the middle of the night, thinking that I'm going to lose everything. And it scares the hell out me. Because lying on the floor, after David shot me, thinking that that was it? That my life was over, and the last thing that I had said to Tobias was that I loved him would _have_ to be enough. Because that was all I got. Time had officially run out on me.

But this? Now? Was this a punishment? Or was this some miraculous gift given to me by some unknown force? Trying to figure out who's behind it, or trying to figure out the why? It seems impossible and to be honest, thinking about it, makes me realize just how lucky I am to be here. No matter what the circumstances are, no matter who doesn't remember or who hates me now because of choices that I made, I'm here. I am alive and I am with Tobias. And being with him…it makes me feel alive.

Knowing that I have him, I feel safe. I feel calm and at ease because I know that nothing can hurt me as bad as I've already been hurt. My soul has endured so much pain and heartache that it's close to being immune to the suffering that people want me to face. But I know better now.

"I can't…" I start, but the emotion in my throat stops me, so I cough to clear it before starting again. "I can't do this without you."

Tobias' blue eyes soften as he looks down at me. He cups my cheeks in his hands and leans down to kiss me. "You never have to," he whispers against my lips.

I close my eyes and sigh against his lips as I pull back. I look up at him and hug him tightly. He kisses my head and leads me over to the ledge. "I'll go first…I'll catch you."

I shake my head at him. "That was bad."

He laughs. "I know," he says kissing my cheek before jumping off of the ledge and disappearing from view.

I stare after him, completely shocked. I had never thought that I would see him do that. Ever. Sure, he had climbed the Ferris wheel with me earlier tonight, but this was jumping off of the side of a building. I stand there for longer than I should have, because I hear Tobias' voice calling up to me from down below. I grin. "Coming!" I call out before climbing up onto the ledge and jumping off. My breath leaves my throat as the net shoots me back up into the air. I'm laughing when I finally calm down and Tobias pulls the net and pulls me up off of the net.

"I can't believe that you jumped," I tell him. "How many times have you done that?"

Tobias grins at me and he shrugs. "A few times," he said. "But not in over a year."

"What changed?" I ask him.

He looks down at me and kisses me again. "I don't know," he says. "I just figure that it was something I had to do."

"Are you okay?" I ask. "You didn't even hesitate."

"Oh I did," he says chuckling. "I just pretended otherwise."

I shake my head and smile up at him. "You're crazy, you know that?"

He shrugs. "I will take that as a compliment."

He jumps down from the platform and he reaches up to grab my hand and helps me down.

"Oh yeah, you do that."

He takes my hand and guides me toward the stairs leading into the Pit. "I will."


	20. Chapter 20

There is alcohol and given the celebratory state of things and of everyone in the Pit, I help myself to a cup. Tobias keeps his hand on my lower back as we walk through the crowds of people. I look at him. "Hold off on drinking that," I tell him. he looks at me, his eyebrows coming together on his forehead and I can't help but smile. I take his hand and lead him up the steps toward the spot over the Chasm where he had taken me the first time we kissed. I can hear him mumbling to himself a little bit from behind me and I wonder if it's because he knows where we're going. I think that if he had any doubts of whether or not I was telling the truth, this little adventure of ours was convincing enough. I'm careful to place my feet on the rocks that lead into the small cave before jumping onto the flat surface. I turn to look ta him to make sure he's right behind me before I sit down. He joins me and I take a sip from my cup and smile as he stares at me with that incredulous expression.

"What?" I ask him, biting my lower lip.

"You're just..." he pauses. "You never cease to amaze me."

"Am I supposed to stop amazing you?" I ask him.

He shakes his head at me. "No," he says. "Don't stop."

I smile at him before closing the distance between us and gently brushing my lips against his. His hand rests on my hip, his fingertips brushing against my skin under my jacket and I shiver at his touch. I let out a sigh before pulling away and resting back against the wall, taking another drink. He looks at me, studying my face.

"Are you okay?" he asks me, moving over to sit next to me. he takes my hand and runs a finger down my palm and I feel him everywhere as I rest my head on his shoulder. I nod. "You sure?"

I look up at him. "Yeah," I tell him. "I'm definitely good."

He smirks and kisses my head. "So this place..."

I hold my breath, waiting for him to continue. I love him, this Tobias, but I also love the one that I lost when I woke up in the hospital a few days ago. It's ridiculous, they should be the same people, but they're just...not. There are subtle differences. And I know that it's not fair of me to feel that way, but I fear there will always be this part of me that is hoping for him to come back to me.

"I brought you here?" he asks me.

I feel him looking at me, so I nod, and meet his eyes. "You did."

His eyes hold mine for a few moments and then he smiles at me. "Good."

I let the breath go and finish off what's in my cup, and the liquid warms my body. I nestle in closer to him and his wraps his arm around me, his hand resting on my waist. We sit together for a few moments without speaking with just the music from the Pit below blasting around us. He takes a breath and I feel my body tense because I know what that breath means.

"I'm sorry," he tells me.

"Why?" I ask.

"I wasn't there for you."

My body pulses and I look up at him. "What are you talking about?"

He sighs, licking his lips. "I wasn't around for you," he tells me. "I could have prevented this."

I pull away from him and stare up at him, shaking my head. "What?" I ask. "When?"

He lets out a sigh and closes his eyes, shaking his head not looking at me. His eyebrows come together on his head like he's confused or thinking too hard about something. My heart is pounding in my chest because I don't know what's going on and I don't know what he's saying. He's being the cryptic one now. I tug on his shirt. "Tobias."

He opens his eyes and looks at me, the expression gone from his face. "What's wrong?" he asks me.

I search his face for something, anything, but the moment is gone now. I shake my head. "Nothing," I say. My heart is still beating fast in my chest and I take a breath to try to calm it. "Should we head back to the room?" I ask, not waiting for an answer as I begin to leave the cave. I place my hand on the stone and look down to make sure I'm stepping on the correct foothold. I don't wait for him to follow me because I can't stop my heart from racing and I'm afraid that if he hears it, he'll ask questions...questions that I can't answer and questions that I don't wan to answer. I hear him call my name over the rushing water of the Chasm, and if he's yelling after me, then I should stop. So I do.

I rest my back against the wall and run my hands over my face to wipe away any trace of tension and hesitation. I look up when I hear his footsteps and he's staring at me, worried and I don't have anything to say. No explanation for running away. How can I tell him that I got my hopes up that I was getting Tobias back when he's standing in front of me now? How do I find the words to express myself when I know that saying anything will cause more tension between us than necessary. I don't want to make things worse for us. But that moment, above the Chasm...it was so close. He was there. I felt him.

"What's going on?" He asks me, his voice is low, so he steps in close to make sure that I hear him. My back is already against the wall so I have nowhere to go.

I swallow. "I'm fine," I say.

"That's not what I asked you," he says. I keep my eyes trained on the stop between his eyebrows, because I know that if I look at him, I won't be able to lie to him. "Tris."

His voice is soft and has that hint of yearning and it pulls my focus that I look into those dark blue eyes that are staring into mine, searching. "What is it?" I ask, my voice quiet.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments. The only thing that I can hear is my heart beating, it's made its way up into my ears and I've tuned out the music from the Pit. I swallow because the way he's staring at me causes my entire body to come alive and I don't know what to do. "Tris," he whispers my name again and then pulls me against him, burying his face in my neck. It isn't until I feel his shoulders begin to shake that I realize that he's crying. And that sends a pang to my chest. I don't know what's going on, but I throw my arms around him and close my eyes. He keeps murmuring my name and I don't know what to say or do. We stand like that in the hallway for a few minutes. His shoulders have stopped shaking, but he's still breathing heavily. He lifts his head and when he looks at me, my breath catches in my throat. Because the look on his face is so distraught that my entire body is in pain. Because I don't know what to do.

"Come with me," he says, taking my hand and leading my down the hallway. He doesn't speak until we get to his room...our room...and once we're inside, I slowly take off my jacket and move to hang it up in the locker. Tobias is sitting on the couch, not moving, not saying anything. So I go to him and unzip his jacket, pushing it off his shoulders. Once I move to go hang it up, he grabs my wrist and his thumb brushes against my skin. I have never seen him like this. And it scares me because I don't know what I can do for him to make this better.

So I don't go anywhere. I sit down next to him on the bed and leave his jacket in my lap. He takes a breath and looks at me. "Is this real?" he asks, his voice cracking on the last world.

"I don't understand," I say. I lift my hand and brush it against his cheek, using my thumb to brush away and leftover tears. He closes his eyes and sighs. "What's wrong?"

The corner of his mouth twitches upward and I watch him. He presses his cheek to my palm and run his hand up my arm. He opens his eyes and looks at me. "I am so sorry."

"Tobias please," I say, shaking my head. "Can you just give me a straight answer?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "You don't remember?"

"Tell me," I say. "Just so that we're on the same page." I don't understand what is going on right now. He's confusing me and it's frustrating and I just want to know what's going on in that brain of his.

"When I left the Bureau to come to the city," Tobias says and my heart soars. I gasp as he speaks and I feel the sting of the promise of tears in my eyes. But I don't speak, I can't. "I left you behind and so it's my fault that you died. This wouldn't be happening." He lifts his hand and brushes my hair behind my ear and I bring my lips in to keep myself from crying. I swallow. "If I hadn't left..." he pauses. "We could have had these past few days." I suck on the inside of my cheek, tears rolling down my cheeks. This can't be real. This has to be a dream, right? "So, I'm sorry. I wish that I could have remembered-"

I don't let him finish. I throw myself at him, my lips finding his in haste and we become a messy tangle of limbs and moans. He looks down at me and I can't stop the tears down, I choke out a laugh mixed with a sob and he kisses me.

"I'm here," he whispers against my lips. "It's me. I'm here."


	21. Chapter 21

We lay there for hours, my head resting on his chest, his arms wrapped around my body holding me close to him. We had both cried and we were both amazed that this had happened to us. I couldn't believe that he was here...that he remembered. I had thought that that wish was far fetched and that because David didn't want me to have what I wanted, I wasn't ever going to get it. But here I was with Tobias and he knew me. He knew every part of me like I knew every part of him. His fingers are drawing shapes on my back and I smile against his skin. I pull back a bit to look up at him and he's staring down at me, his expression full of awe. I can't imagine what he went through. I had died. It wasn't just me getting shot and then waking up in the infirmary. David had killed me. That was the fact of the matter. And Tobias had to deal with that. At least I know that he didn't have to do it on his own. Christina had helped him and I'm sure Caleb did as well. But me...I was alone when I woke up and I had thought that I had lost everything.

"What's on your mind?" he asks me, brushing his fingertips across my cheek, that half smile on his lips.

I lift my shoulders in a shrug. "I just can't believe that you're here," I say. "You. Actually here."

He tucks my hair behind my ear. "I can't believe you're here," he counters. "I thought that I had lost you forever."

I move my head up and kiss him softly. "What..." I pause. "What was it like?" I ask. "Dealing with...you know?"

He pauses and I regret asking the question. Of course he wouldn't want to think about that. I had left him more times that I should have. But the last time, that was permanent. Death is a fixed thing and there is supposed to be no going back from that. Ever. At all. But by some means, I am here. If the roles had been reversed, I don't know if I would have been able to deal with it. The thought of losing Tobias, it would have probably driven me mad.

"You don't have to answer that," I tell him quickly.

But he shakes his head. "No, it's fine," he says. He sits up and leans against the wall and I move with him taking his hand, lacing our fingers together. I look at him. "I didn't handle it well." I bite my lower lip. It just now occurred to me that I probably don't want to hear this. Hearing the way my death broke him...isn't something that I should hear. Especially when it was my fault. "I shut people out. I blamed your brother and told him that he should have died instead." I keep my gaze focused on him, willing myself not to look away from him. He needs this support right now and I have to give it to him. "I even..." he stops and closes his eyes tightly. I see his lower lip quiver so I reach out and run my fingers across it to stop it from moving. I don't want to make him cry again.

"It's okay," I tell him. "You can stop."

"No," he says. He swallows and then opens his eyes to look at me. "I was going to take the serum."

I stare at him. "The memory serum?" I ask, my voice incredulous. "Why?"

His gaze softens. "Do you still not realize the effect that you have on me?" he asks.

I feel my chest tighten and I swallow. "I guess not," I say slowly.

"You were gone," Tobias continues. "And not just gone like you had gone to Erudite to sacrifice yourself. Because even with that I had a chance of saving you...stopping you. This time...you were already gone. You had made that decision without me. I couldn't...didn't want to live without you."

Guilt spreads through my body at his admission. I never let myself fully realize the way that Tobias felt. How it consumed him. Because if I admitted that, then I admitted that it consumed me too. And I never wanted to be that girl, whose entire life was changed by a boy. But I was...and he had. He had changed everything about me. He is everything to me. "What..." I pause. "What stopped you?"

"Christina did," he says. "She reminded me, in my darkest hour, that turning into that person wasn't something you would have liked to see of me."

I keep my eyes trained on him and nod. "She'd be right," I say.

He nods. "I know," he sighs. "I hate that I didn't know you when you woke up," he says. "That I wasn't there." He runs a hand through his hair. "I was so confused from the moment you walked into the Pit. Like there was a part of me that knew you, but I didn't know how. And it scared me. And I didn't like being scared. So I pushed those feelings away and I turned on you. When you needed me."

"You didn't know me," I say. "There's nothing that can be done about that."

"I was cruel to you."

I shake my head. "No," I say. "Cruel would have been not listening to me or giving me a chance. But you did and you believed in me. You didn't even know me, and you trusted me almost instantaneously. That's not cruel, Tobias. Far from it."

He smiles at me. "What about you, though?" he sighs. "You were strong. Brave."

"What do you mean? When?"

"When you woke up and everything had changed. Everything being different," he says. "Until Uriah showed up, you didn't have anyone. You also trusted me, Tris. Me, who knew nothing about you except your name and had a gut feeling about you. Me, who was dating Christina...you just...how did you do it?"

I make a face. "It was hard," I say. "I didn't ...know what I was getting myself into. And I figured that if you didn't know me then it would have been okay that you were with one of my friends. But this Christina...this version of her, I don't know her. She's not the same."

"I just want to say though," Tobias says. "How glad I am that your "relationship" with Peter didn't last long."

I close my eyes. "Oh god," I say bringing my hands up to my face. "That was a sick joke right there. It was so bizarre."

"I have to admit, I was jealous seeing him kiss you," he says. "At the time though I had no idea why."

I shake my head. "I was so surprised that I just let him do it," I say. "I was in a daze. And also trying to recover from the news of you and Chris."

He pulls me against him and into his lip. "Well you don't have to worry about that anymore," he says pressing his lips to my temple. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent. "Though there is something else."

I pull back and look at him. "What is it?" I ask.

"We slept together," he says.

I nod. And then I blush. "Yeah," I say biting my lip. "Not really technically me sleeping with someone else because it was still you..."

He smiles at me. "I'm not mad," he says. "A little jealous. Which is weird because it was me."

I bring a hand to my mouth to quiet my chuckle. "You're not serious."

"Totally serious," he answers. "I mean...I know I shouldn't be, because you weren't with anyone else...technically," he pauses. "But..."

I shake my head. "No, I understand," I say. "I just figured that this was the life I was put into that that was it. I was in love with you and you were in love with me...I think."

"You think right," He says. "It's weird to still have that mindset of Four in my head when I'm...me. But yeah," he says taking my hand and brushing his lips against my fingertips. "He was in love with you."

I can't stop my smile because it makes me feel really good. He and I are supposed to be together and this...test or whatever it is just proved that. "You mean you," I say.

He shakes his head. "I mean him. But I'm in love with you too," he tells me.

I grin. "Well not that I need to tell you or anything," I say before leaning in and kissing him. "But I'm in love with you, too."

"Mmm," he murmurs against my lips. "I had my suspicions," he teases me. "But it's always nice to hear."

"I love you," I whisper again.

"Stop talking," He says before kissing me again and this time, I stop talking.


	22. Chapter 22

I barely sleep. I keep fading in and out because I'm afraid that if I fall asleep completely, that he will be gone when I open my eyes. If I went into the fear landscape now, my main fear would be the fear of losing him again. I don't know if I could do it if I lose him. That may make me sound weak, but it's the truth. It's how I feel what I know to be true. My head is resting on his chest and I can hear him breathing. It's slow and steady and his heartbeat is soothing to my ears. He shifts beneath me and wraps his arms around me and I let out a sigh against his chest, my breathing slowing and starting to match his. I feel his lips brush against my skin and I look up at him. He's staring down at me like he can't believe I'm real. I understand the feeling. I can't believe he's real either.

"You okay?" I ask him, my voice coming out in a whisper. I didn't want to break the silence of the room, of the moment, but I couldn't stop myself.

"Yeah," he whispers back, smiling down at me. "Better than okay. Did you sleep?"

I shake my head. "My nerves are jittery...I can't fall asleep." Partially true. "Plus, I'm afraid that if I close my eyes for too long, that you're going to disappear."

"Hey," he says his hands enclosing my arms and pulling me up so that our faces are right next to each others. We are breathing the same air and mine locks in my throat as he stares at me with those deep set eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. Okay?"

I swallow and manage to breathe. I nod. "Okay," I say.

He sighs, so I look at him, biting my lower lip. The situation that we're in, is so strange that I partially don't know who to respond sometimes. I'm nervous that I'll say or do the wrong thing. And once that happens how do you get back from that? "Do you think Uriah hates me?" he asks. His voice comes out in a whisper, the only reason I can hear him is because I'm sitting so close to him.

My heart sinks at his question. I shake my head. "I don't think so," I tell him. "He's...I think he's just happy to be alive. To see his friends, his family. I don't...I don't think he hates you. I don't see how anyone could hate you."

He brushes my hair out of my face and kisses me. I don't know if it's sleep deprivation or the fact that I missed him, Tobias, so much in the past few days that I'm just scared of losing him all over again, but I kiss him hard. His arms are around me again and I've moved to straddling him, my hands on his chest keeping me upright. His fingers tug at my shirt and I pull away so that I can pull it over my head. He looks up at me, his fingertips running over the tattoo on my collarbone. He flips his hand so that the raven on his wrist is visible. We are both looking at it now.

"You really had doubts that he was in love with you?" He asks me. His voice is soft, and questioning.

I look down at the small bird and bring his wrist to my lips, brushing against the dark bird there. I shake my head. "No," I say. I knew you loved me. Even if you didn't know the reason why."

He smiles and uses his free hand to pull me down, brushing his lips against mine. I hum against his lips and he chuckles, flipping us so that I am now beneath him. His lips move from my lips to my neck and I tilt my head up to give him better access. His hands are playing with my skin above my pants and my entire body is on fire from the way he is touching me. My breath comes out in gasps and his breath his burning hot against my skin as he lips move to my tattoo and kiss each bird softly. I arch my body into his, wanting him, needing him and my fingers grasp at the hem of his shirt tugging it up his back. He pulls away from me and my body feels cold from where his fingers have left me. He lifts his shirt from his head and tosses it aside before rejoining his lips with mine. I smile against his lips, his warmth enveloping me with everything that his is. His fingers tug on the waistband of my pants before I feel the fabric pull down my legs. My hands move up his chest and tangle in his hair, trying to get more and more of him with each kiss. His cold fingertips brush against my inner thighs, which are burning with excitement. I tug on his lower lip and he chuckles against my mouth.

"Be patient with me," he says, his words come out in a growl and goose bumps rise on my skin. A sigh passes through my lips and he kisses me again. For me, this will be our third time together. But for Tobias this is our second time. I don't want to make him anymore uncomfortable or jealous with relationship that I had with the Tobias he had been the past couple of days. I felt guilty enough as it is. I nod and his hands move up, tugging down my underwear with slow, teasing pulls. The goose bumps spread through my body, a chill shooting down my spine. I gasp and he groans. "That sound..." he murmurs against my skin, his lips passing between my breasts, his tongue sending shivers through me everywhere that it passes. "Don't stop."

I can't stop, even if I wanted to. And I don't. It's unfair that he knows me so well...that he knows what to do and where to push and what to say to make lose all control. His lips move further down my body as his hands move up to massage my breasts and I moan, bucking up against him as his lips find my inner thigh, teasing the sensitive skin with his tongue. My hands are on the sheets beneath me now, gripping the fabric tightly between my fingers as he hums against my skin.

"Tease," I manage to gasp out as his fingers tug on my already taut nipples. I bite my lower lip.

He looks up at me, wearing that grin of his before pressing fitting his lips to me, his tongue delving into me, moving one hand down to assist in his torture. "Tell me again," he smirks against me and rubs against my clit with his thumb. "That I'm a tease."

I would if I could, but the second he brought his thumb into action, I lost all control over my body. The only thing that is coming from my mouth are gasps and moans in the form of his name. He groans against me as he sucks on me and I bring my legs in to keep him tighter against me. He tugs on my clit with his teeth and I buck up with a whimper. He is panting when he pulls away and when I look at him, he shakes his head and stares at me in awe.

"God you're beautiful," he breathes before climbing up my petite frame, leaving kisses in his wake as he lips finally crash onto mine. I kiss his hungrily, my hands moving up to tangle in his hair again, bucking my hips up against his. He grinds his hips down against me and I groan at the sensation.

I move my hands down to tug at his pants, almost impatiently, and he tugs on my lips as he pushes the fabric constricting him down his legs. He kisses me again, this time, uses his hands to push my legs apart. My breath is coming out faster now because I know what's coming and I crave it, I yearn for it. My movements are desperate and so are his, our bodies move together in sync and I tug on his hair as our tongues dance together.

"Please," I whisper.

He pushes into my with a groan and I wrap my legs around him as his hips move against mine. I hold him tighter against me and we moan into each other mouths. He groans against my lips as I rake my nails down his back.

I would stay like this forever if I could. Just to be with him, like this. All mine.

Forever.


	23. Chapter 23

I wake in the middle of the night, wrapped in Tobias' strong arms. His head is resting above mine so I can feel his breath on my hair. I take in a breath of my own and smile. I didn't think that I would be getting this again. I knew what I would have with Tobias wihtout his memories, but Tobias with his memories is far better than I could have imagined. Waking up here, alone, confused, unsure about everything that was happening around me...I didn't think that I could handle it. Especially when I thought that I had to do it on my own. When Uriah showed up, I thought that I had some semblance of hope that could help me through...everything. Knowing that I had lost Tobias was one of the worst feelings that I could have ever experienced. Thinking that I was alone...I had come to terms with that. That was it. This was how my life was going to be. There was no going back, no reset button...nothing. I was stuck here. And suffering because David wanted it to be so.

But then Tobias sought me out...made me explain because he was feeling it too. And I knew the confusion, the overwhelming sense of doubt that something was wrong...it keeps you up at night. So I couldn't just let it be. I couldn't just stay away from him, even though that was what I knew I needed to do. I had to be selfless for Christina. But I couldn't do it. I love him too much to see him with my best friend. Or ex best friend. I don't know what we are to each other anymore. She hasn't spoken to me since that day she bombarded me in the bathrooms the other day. And to top it off, she's been hanging around Peter. Of all people, Peter. Crazy, maniacal...not the same Peter I knew back the Bureau. The Peter who had saved my life at Erudite. The Peter who had told me what time it was...because I had asked. The Peter who had started to become...my friend. The Peter I had known is gone now. Just like the Christina that I knew is gone.

I don't know what the state is of my brother...but unless he had died after I had died, then he wouldn't have memory of what happened. He wouldn't know everything that we'd been through. For him...a year had gone by. And none of this had happened. We were still taking in initiates...which meant that the Choosing Ceremony and the testing...it was all still happening. For Caleb...an Erudite who was not allowed to see his Abnegation parents, they were still alive to him. They were still here. But for me...they're gone. They've been gone. Something clicks in my brain and I shoot up in bed, tugging on Tobias' arms. He jerks to attention and he's up and looking at him, his hands on my face, eyes searching mine. I can barely see because tears have started to form.

"Hey, hey," Tobias' voice soothes me as his hands brush my hair out of my face. "Tris, what is it?"

"They're coming back," I say, my voice cracking on the last word. "We're all coming back."

"What's going on?" he asks, still not following me.

I look up at him and shake my head. "My parents," I say. "What if they're back too?"

He stares at me and then he comprehends. "Let's go."

He doesn't hesitate pushing the covers off of us. I shake my head. "We can't just go." I emphasis the last word, biting my lower lip.

He looks at me. "Why not?"

I stand with him and draw him into a kiss. "As much as I love you for wanting to go right now to see if I'm even right, we have training this morning."

Tobias sighs and rests his head against my own. "Shit," he mumbles. "I forgot about that for a moment."

I smile. "We can go right after," I say.

"You sure you can wait that long?" he asks me.

I shrug. "I don't really have much of a choice."

He kisses my head. My stomach is pulsing and I don't know if I can make it through the rest of the day. But I have to. I have to be strong and I have to be brave. I have to lose myself in training today. Lose myself and in turn forget...just erase it away for a few hours and then I'll be good to go I take a deep breath and shake off the feeling.

"Shower and then breakfast?" I ask, holding out my hand for him to take.

He smiles. "Good plan."'

The hours pass slowly. Almost too slow, but I get through it. It's easier to do when I know that Tobias is looking out for me. By the time lunch hits, I have started to calm down a bit and that nervous feeling in my stomach is gone. I stretch my arms above my head as Tobias comes over to me with that smile of his. "You hungry?"

"Starving," I answer.

He grins and we leave the Pit and head for the cafeteria. When we turn the corner I see Christina coming our way and my body tenses. At least she's not with Peter. The closer we get, the more obvious the marks on her arm on. Bruises. My body is tense now for a completely different reason. We stop right in front of each other, not saying anything and I feel Tobias standing a few feet behind me, unsure of what to say or do. I look at her.

"Christina..."

"I'm sorry," she blurts out. "I turned on you and I'm sorry."

I shake my head. "No, it's okay, trust me."

"I didn't believe you when you told me about Four...and seeing you guys together the past couple of days, I just...I realized that I was wrong to stand in the way of that," Christina says. "And then I make the stupidest decision and went off with Peter of all people. Crazy, psychotic Peter..."

"What did he do?" I ask, my voice coming out harsher than I had intended. She bites her lip and I tug her hand to pull her down an empty hallway. "What did he do?" I ask again.

"He was...he was just Peter," she tells me. "I'm fine," she says. "I was able to take care of myself."

"This is so messed up," I say.

"He shouldn't even be here," Tobias says from behind me. "I sent him to the fence."

"Well someone obviously changed those orders," Christina says.

I straighten and turn to look at Tobias. "Eric maybe?"

He lifts his shoulders. "I wouldn't put it past him."

I look back at Christina. "Are you okay?"

She shrugs and shakes her head. "I should be fine," she tells me. "I just...Why is everything so messed up, Tris? What did I do wrong?"

I shake my head and pull her into a hug. "Nothing," I say to her. "It's going to be okay. We're working on it."

I pull away. "Come and eat with us, please?"

She hesitates, glancing behind me at Tobias. I can tell that she's still a bit uneasy given the fact that in her mind she had been in a relationship with Tobias up until the past few days. I bite my lip, waiting for her response. "Yeah," she says. "Okay."

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and we head down to the cafeteria to eat. I am glad that Christina and I are talking again. Even if it's uncomfortable for now, I'm glad that she's not with Peter anymore. I don't even know what their relationship was made up of, but I'm glad that she's safe. Christina is as tough as nails. When Tobias and I are in training with the initiates, I know that she'll able to take care of herself. We can't watch her all of the time.

When we sit down, Lynn, Marlene, and Uriah come to join us. I can't help but notice that Uriah sits closer to Christina than Marlene and I'm not surprised, given how close they were in the past. Sure, they told us that they were just friends, but I didn't think that it was all that was there. I wonder how that's going to work out with everyone. I don't want to ask...or be pushy about it. Things must be awkward with Uriah and Lynn after she had told him how she felt about his girlfriend. So I'll keep those thoughts to myself for now. We each lunch chatting about random things, Dauntless things, things that don't' really seem to matter that much to me given everything that's gone on. But I should start making them matter. I need something to distract me and give me hope and peace and just a way to start over. If that's what this is, then I'm taking it for all it's worth.

When Christina is busy talking to Lynn about something, I lean over and look at Uriah. "I need to you look out for her," I tell him in hushed tones.

He narrows his eyes at me. "Why?" he asks. "What's up?"

"Peter gave her those bruises," I tell him. He glances at Christina's arms and I can see the agner building inside of him. The muscles in his cheek tense and he turns back to look at him. "And he's not stable, you know that. I don't know what Peter is up to, but I just want to make sure he's taken care of."

He nods. "Done."

"Thank you," I tell him. "I just...I can't watch her all of the time and I'm nervous about Peter."

"No need to explain," he says. "I fully understand."

After lunch, Tobias and I head back to the Pit to do the last bout of training for the day. We're throwing knives again, because as I know, it comes it handy to be able to throw a knife directly at your target. And then a few hours later, the day is over, and my nerves are back. I have that nervous feeling in my stomach again and I bite my bite to keep myself in check.

"You okay?" Tobias asks me as I starts to gather the knives.

I nod. "No," I say. "But I will be. I don't even know if this theory of mine is right."

"Well it seems to be working out that way," he says. "For the most part at least."

"What if I'm wrong?"

"We'll talk about that when we get there," he says. "Right now, we've got to go get our stuff and take the train. It leaves in twenty-minutes," he adds, checking the clock.

I follow his gaze and I nod. "Yeah, you're right," I say. I set the knives on the table and he comes toward me, taking my hands and pressing a kiss to my temple. "It'll be fine," he tells me.

"Does this make me less of a Dauntless, because I'm going to see my family?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "We both know that you're far more Dauntless than anyone here," he whispers into my ear.

I smile. "Alright, let's go."

After heading back to the room to grab our jackets, we run outside and catch the train just in time. We hop on and my heart is pounding in my chest. And not just from the running. I'm nervous. Because what if I'm wrong? What if I go to my parents house and find nothing there. What if there's another family living in my house? My room, the place that I had been raised. I rest against Tobias' chest and he can probably feel how hard my heart in beating through our jackets. He presses his lips to my head. "Just breathe, babe," He tells me. So I do. I close my eyes. In and out. In and out. I close my eyes and just keep breathing until he's shaking my shoulder. "Almost there," he says.

I pull away from him and I nod, preparing myself for the jump, so I run and land on my feet, stumbling a bit to get my balance again. As I wait for him to join me, I wipe my hands on my pants before offering my hand. My palms are sweaty, but I need the support. And he knows it. He squeezes my hand as we approach my house and I look at him as we stand outside. I take a deep breath and shake my head before lifting my free hand to knock on the door.

I hear shuffling from behind the door and my stomach is in knots and I feel like I'm going to be sick. Then the door opens and I see my mother. Her eyes go from concerned to surprised all at once.

"Beatrice," she whispers and throws herself at me. I pull my hand from Tobias and hug my mother back.

I am selfish in this moment.


	24. Chapter 24

I can't breathe. My mother is alive. She's here. She's alive. I am sobbing into the crook of her neck and she is patting my hair and whispering soothing things into my ear. I can't tell what they are because I'm sobbing so loud that I cannot hear her. It takes me several moments before I finally pull away from her and I use the sleeves of my jacket to wipe away my tears. Tobias steps forward and my mother looks at him.

"I don't know if you remember me..." Tobias says, biting his lower lip. He's nervous too.

My mother doesn't hesitate, but she pulls him in for a hug. "Thank you, Four," she whispers. "For keeping my daughter alive."

"Tobias," he corrects her, his voice light. "Please call me, Tobias."

I swallow and feel Tobias' eyes on me. I shrug. Because it's not one hundred percent true. But he hugs my mother back anyway. And I know that Tobias feels guilty enough as it is. I don't want to burden my mother right away with everything that's happened to me since her death. There's been too much death and anger and in this moment, all I want is to be with her.

"Beatrice?"

I look away from my mother and into the front hall of my old house. Standing there is my father. My heart leaps as I enter the house. My father meets me with open arms, and he hugs me back.

"Please come in," I hear my mother say to Tobias.

I step away from my father and look back at Tobias who is looking at my face, to see how I'm doing. He rubs my back and I nod, confirming that I'm fine.

"Let's go into the dining room," my father says. I see him look at Tobias cautiously, and I wonder if it is because he's dressed in Dauntless clothing or if it's because he was touching me. Either way, Tobias takes his hand from my back and clears his throat as we make our way into the kitchen. I forget that my father has never met him. Or if he had, it was when Tobias was younger. They don't know the story of why Tobias left Abnegation in the first place. Maybe he still resents him a little bit.

We all sit down at the table, the low light keeping the gathering intimate and I take a breath before looking at them. If the theory is correct, my father should have come back before my mother did. And given everyone's situation, they would remember everything that happened before they died.

"So..." I start off. "A lot has happened since you guys...uhm...died."

They nod. "We've started to gather that," my mother says, glancing between me and Tobias. When he had sat down, he pulled his chair close to my own. It's become a habit lately between us to stand close to one another. I don't know why he does it, I do it for that extra added support. The knowledge that he's within arms reach makes me feel better...safer. "What's been going on?"

I have to bring up the fact that we've been to the Bureau. That we know. But I'm nervous of what she'll say...when she knows that I know about her past. And not that she had been in Dauntless. I know who she was before. "We were..."

"We've been to the Bureau," Tobias says. I look at him, surprised that he blurted it out. Then again, I didn't really have a tactic on how we were going to approach this matter in the first place. I didn't even know how much my father knew about my mother's previous life. But given all that they were, I didn't doubt that he knew more than he was allowed to. I was just coming to terms with the fact that my parents were alive. They were both alive and they were in front of me. And as much as I just wanted to stay here and talk about nothing with them for hours, now was not that time.

My mother's eyes widen at Tobias' words and she looks at me. "You left the city?" she asks me, her voice quiet.

I nod. "Yes," I say. "And we met David."

My father's knees hit the table and it shifts. He apologizes and straightens the table out again. He clears his throat. I guess that let me know just how much he knew. Or least it confirmed that he knew about David. "Go on," he says.

I look from him back to my mother who is watching me intently. "What happened?"

And so I tell her. I tell her everything that had happened the moment my father had died. Every detail, the information about Edith Prior that we had dug up. How I had almost died, giving myself over to Jeanine. My parents weren't too happy with me about that. I have to explain my reasoning for at least ten minutes before I am able to move on and tell them more. When I get to my death, my parents stiffen. I hasten to explain to them why Tobias was gone and why I decided to do what I did. And knowing my parents they were proud of me for taking the place of my brother. But they would have been prouder if I hadn't have done it in the first place.

"When did you wake up?" my mother asks me.

"A few days ago," I answer. "I woke up in the hospital at Dauntless with stitched up gunshot wounds, the wounds I had gotten from David. The Choosing Ceremony had just happened and we were welcoming new initiates. I don't know where the year went." I shake my head. "In addition to that, no one seems to remember what happened before. No one except for those who had come back."

My mother rubs her face and lets out a sigh. My heart is racing in my chest because I don't know what she knows or if there's anything we can do to stop it. In her letters to David she said that she wasn't coming back to visit the Bureau. Would she risk going back to find answers? Would finding answers keep everyone from being alive? Would it kill us all again?

"What about your brother?" my father asks me. "Have you seen him?"

I shake my head. "The only time I left the compound was now and earlier in the week when we went to the old fairground. I've been nervous to try to go to Erudite. I don't know what seeing Jeanine will do. What it will spark up."

Tobias looks up. "The only good thing about me not having had my memory right away," he says looking between the three of us. "Is that I know what everyone else knows."

"What does everyone else know?" my father asks.

"The attacks on Abnegation never happened. The reports have never gone out. If Divergents are being hunted down, it's not happening openly. Erudite is being sneaky this time around. People from Abnegation are free to go see anyone in Erudite. We could go see Caleb, to see if he knows anything, remembers anything."

"Do you know when you'll have time to go?" my mother asks.

I shrug. "We've been in charge of training the initiates. Stage one is almost complete," I say. "But we can make time."

"Good," my mother says. She reaches over and touches my hand and smiles at me. "Are you two hungry?"

"No, thank you," I answer with a smile.

"Yes," Tobias says at the same time. "Don't lie, Tris."

I make a face and look over at him and sigh. "Okay, fine," I say looking at me parents. "I was worried all day about coming to see you. I didn't know if I was right. I barely ate anything."

"Would you like to help me with diner, Tobias?" my mother asks.

He looks up at her and nods. "I would love to."

I sit back in my chair as Tobias follows my mother into the kitchen. I feel my father's eyes on me. "I like him," he says.

I look at him. "You don't think he's too old for me?" I ask.

He shakes his head and smiles at me, taking my hands. "He's protected you. Over and over again. He cares for you, Beatrice," he says. 'I couldn't ask for anyone better for you."

I look at him. "Tell me about you and mom," I say. "From before…when you met."

He gets that smile of his, which had been rare in the weeks leading up to my own Choosing Ceremony. Now that they're here, I have questions…so many things that I want to know about them. So many things that I had been curious about.

"We met in one of our classes," he answers. "I was having trouble and your mother helped me. She tutored me in secret, because as I was Erudite, I was supposed to be the smart one. I was supposed to know these things. But she got it. At the time I didn't know why, but she knew things, things that she had learned from her time in the Fringe." So he knew about the Fringe. I need to stop wondering what he knows and what he doesn't know. He probably knows more than I do. "I had seen Jeanine doing an experiment on one of the Factionless. And I realized that that faction wasn't for me. Your mother and I decided to choose Abnegation together. So that we could start our own lives together. Without the pressures of our old factions. We wanted to start fresh…new. And with Abnegation, we could do just that."

"You really love each other," I say. I glance up at my mother who has paused and turned to look at us. Tobias is watching us too, with that smile of his on his lips. The smile that I love, that drives me crazy.

"Of course we do," my father says.

During dinner, we stray far from topics of war and drama. The conversation is light and easy and I feel better than I have in a long time. I'm glad that my parents get along with Tobias. I had been worried that my father would say something. After cleaning up and saying goodbye, Tobias and I leave the house. It will not be the last time that we will see each other, I will make sure of that. It's cold outside, so I zip my jacket up to my chin and Tobias grabs my hand.

"Do you feel better?" he asks me.

I grin and look up at him. "Much better."

"Good," he tells me as he kisses my cheek as we head toward the train tracks. "It's been a while since I've had Abnegation food. Is it bad to say that I've missed it?"

I shake my head. "No," I say. "You're a good cook, you know."

"Oh, your mom did most of the heavy lifting."

I nudge him playfully. When we finally get to the train tracks, I turn to look at him. "What are we going to do about Jeanine?" I ask him.

He looks down at him. "We're gonna take care of her," he answers. "We've got Tori on our side. You know how smart she is."

"Well she was Erudite," I answer. "But then again so was Eric. What are we going to do about him?"

"I'll take care of him," Tobias says. "At least now I won't be worried about him attacking me from behind. I remember everything now. He can't surprise me." I nod and he presses his lips to my forehead. "I love you."

"I love you," I reply. I don't pull away until I hear the train horn.

And then we start running.


	25. Chapter 25

By the time we get back to Dauntless, it is late. There are still members walking around the compound, but it is well past the time that initiates should be in bed. From what I've seen the past few nights, members don't go to bed until late unless they have security jobs. Switching out shifts at the gate require leaving early in the morning to make it on time. Given that I'm now a member and not just an initiate, I will not get in trouble for leaving the compound. Unless of course, anyone were to find out where Tobias and I had been for the past few hours. The factions don't really think of visiting family as acceptable. It _is _faction before blood, after all. And if you cross that line, there is never any going back. At least that was the way that Jeanine saw things. If you go against your faction, then you must not know who you are. And if you don't know who you are, you must be dangerous. I pray that no one finds out, because the last thing that I need is Jeanine or Eric finding it out and using it against me. After we get off of the platform the net is on, we head down the stairs toward the heart of the building. I am about to turn down the hall that leads to Tobias' room, but his hand pulls me in the opposite direction. I don't ask questions, even if I am curious. I know that Tobias wouldn't lead me somewhere dangerous.

We make our way toward the Pit, through empty hallways and countless stairs, heading toward the Chasm and I know where we're going. I get butterflies in my stomach the closer we get and he lets go of my hand to go down the rocks. I follow his moves, and then in a few moments I am sitting next to him on the rocks. I'm glad that I am wearing my jacket because with the water rushing past us, it creates a bit of a breeze. His hand finds mine again and I rest my head on his shoulder.

"What do you think is happening?" he asks me. His voice is low and over the rushing water, I barely hear him. But I feel the vibration of his voice through his chest.

I shrug my shoulders at his question. Because I honestly don't know. And I don't even know where to begin. I assume that Tori has been working on everything, and I haven't spoken to her since she told me that Jeanine was back. "Something big," I say. "If we're all coming back to life..." I close my eyes and breathe in, taking in his scent. He shifts and presses his lips to my head and I smile. "What about you?"

He chuckles and squeezes my hand. "Whatever it is, I'm glad for it." He doesn't need to explain. I don't think there are words to explain how he felt when he lost me. Because if the positions were switched I wouldn't be able to explain it. I would have wanted to serum, too. "Even if this is all a dream...a figment of my imagination, it doesn't matter. I have you."

"You'll always have me," I whisper. I wish that were true. I wish that I could promise that and be with him forever. But no one can promise forever. Plans change, they go wrong. And when things go wrong, people die. I'm proof of that. But whatever this is...sure, people die. But they also come back. If I am just a figment of Tobias' imagination, I don't mind it. It just means that I have this time with him. I have these moments, where it's just him and me. I look up at him and he's got that half smile on his lips. I move with him and as our lips collide, I feel whole. Every time that he touches me, it's like my body is on fire. We break after a few moments and my thoughts are rushing around in my head. They are moving so fast that I can't stop myself from asking him. "So..."

"So..." he says resting his head against mine.

"I'm curious."

"About what?"

"From before..." I say. "When you didn't remember me? You kept looking at me. And I was wondering...why."

"You mean because you're not pretty?" He smiles as I roll my eyes. He _would _remember part of our first conversation here. Even after all of this time, it still surprises me that he knows all of these things that I hadn't realized he'd been paying attention to. "I felt something when you showed up in the Pit that first day. I remember being annoyed that you were late because I didn't know _why_ you were late. And then I saw you and something sparked inside of me. I hadn't felt it before so it was both confusing and scary to me." I bite my lip to keep my smile from getting too big. "When you called me Tobias, I was angry...thinking that someone had slipped up and told you who I was. Keep in mind, the way that you and I had gotten to know each other last year, it never happened."

"But you did throw knives at me," I say.

"That happened for the same reason," he says. "I cut you because I knew Eric wasn't going to let you go unless you were hurt in some way."

"Was I the same way? Still outspoken?"

"I don't think you'd ever _not_ be outspoken," Tobias says. "And because of that, Eric had taken an interest in you."

"What happened to him?" I ask. "In your memory?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. Before I got my memory back, I just figured he was off doing whatever the hell it is that Eric does."

"What about when you had found out that I knew about Marcus?"

He swallows. "I was so angry. There could be no possible way that you would have known about it. I had worked so hard to get to where I was. Strong, brave, smart, _Four_. I had buried my past so deep down that to me, the thought of sharing who I really was with anyone was completely incomprehensible. But that spark was still burning and even when I was angry with you for knowing about me, the thought of you with Peter...it infuriated me. And I knew that I shouldn't have had those feelings because I was with Christina at the time, but they were there. When I found you and him in the Pit and he had you, with a knife to your neck, threatening you," he pauses and I can feel him shaking so I squeeze his hand to try and clam him. It took everything in me not to kill him. And then before...when Peter kissed you...I wanted to choke him. It was..."

"Bad," I say, shaking my head. "So bad."

He laughs and the sound echoes off of the rocks. I nudge him. "Don't laugh at me," I say. "I'm the one who has to live with that!"

"Okay, okay," he says, his body still shaking with laughter. "I'm sorry." I roll my eyes and slap his leg before leaning back against him. "And then everything changed and I was just...completely overwhelmed about how I feel about you."

I feel heat spreading to my cheeks. I know how he feels about me, even though it's never made sense to me. But it's still nice to hear. "What triggered it?" I ask. "Your memories?"

He lifts a hand to gesture to the rushing water surrounding us. "This place," he says. "I remembered when we were here. Right after you found out the truth about me. About Marcus. I was completely vulnerable but you...you still looked at me the same way."

"What way is that?" I ask.

He smiles at me. "It's the way you're looking at me right now," Tobias says. I reach up to touch his cheek and kiss him again. "Last night, I barely got any sleep because I kept waking up to make sure that I wasn't dreaming." He shakes his head.

"Are you dreaming?" I ask.

He looks down at me and smiles at me. "I've never felt more awake."


	26. Chapter 26

After we leave the Pit and head back up to the room, I realize just how cold I had gotten sitting next to the rushing water. I shiver within the thick sweater and Tobias runs his hands down my arms as we walk. Something about the way that he's picked up on the little things about myself, makes me smile. Once we enter the room, I walk over to the bed and pull the blanket around me to keep me warm. I pull my feet up underneath me and I watch Tobias walk over to the fridge. He walks over to me with a piece of chocolate cake and a fork. I smile as he sits next to me.

"It feels like I haven't had cake in forever," I say, with a laugh. Things have been so complicated and busy and stressful that there hadn't really been any time to sit down and eat cake. I make a mental note to see what we can get from the kitchen to bring some over to my parents. They might not take it, but given the history and how the truth had come out, I figured that a piece of cake might be a nice surprise for them. I push my hand out from the covers to reach for the fork, but he pulls it out of reach. He gets a piece of cake before holding it out to me. I stare at him, unblinking. "Are you really trying to feed me?"

He smiles at me, but doesn't answer. I narrow my eyes at him before taking the bite and chewing slowly. He chuckles as he takes a bite of his own. I play with the ends of the blanket, trying to bide my time before I know that I have to speak. Tonight has been so great, so perfect that I don't want to mess it up with the bad things that have been going on in our lives. But that's just it. Life isn't just made up of good moments. It's made up of bad ones, too. It's the bad ones that let you appreciate the good that you have in your life. I have kept the bad thoughts out of my head for the last few hours and it felt nice to just live my life the way it could have been if none of this had ever happened. He offers me another bite and it gives me a few more moments of delay.

"What's on your mind?" He asks me. He knows me too well. Sometimes it feels like he can read my mind. I told him that once, but he told me that he's just gotten good at reading my facial cues. That is part of the reason that I don't look at him for a few moments. I tug the blanket off of me and head to the sink to get a drink of water. I turn around and lean against the counter and look at him. "It was nice, wasn't it?" I ask him.

He sets the plate down on the desk and crosses to me. "What are you talking about?"

I shrug and take a drink. "It was nice to forget for a little while."

He stands next to me, his arms folded across his chest. "You don't want to go back to reality?"

I shake my head. "No," I say. "I really don't."

He lets out a breath and I feel him staring at me, so I turn my head and look back. "What do we do?"

"We do what we've always done," He says. "We prepare, and we fight back."

"But we don't even know what we're fighting." I look away from him, and instead stare at the bare wall on the far end of the room.

He takes my hand and once our fingers are laced together, he squeezes gently, sending a pulsing feeling all the way up my arm. "It'll be okay," he says. "We've done this before. We can do it again."

"But I died last time."

He tenses and I know that I shouldn't have said anything. There are too many thoughts in my head and there isn't enough room so something had to come spilling out. I wish it had been something else that slipped past my tongue. Anything else.

"I'm sorry," I say after a few moments of him not speaking.

"I will not lose you again," he says, his voice hard. "Do you understand me?"

I swallow, and although I don't want to, I turn to look at him. His jaw in clenched and his gaze is hard on me and I can't will myself to look away. My heart is pounding in my chest, but I nod. "Yes." Because though I don't understand what he went through when he lost me the first time, I had experienced my own kind of loss when I had woke up alone in the infirmary. The overwhelming sense of dread in my chest when he had looked at me that first time, not knowing who I was, and realizing that I may have lost him forever.

He closes the space between us and presses his lips to my head. I rest my face against his chest and I can hear his beating heart. It soothes me, like it's always done. His arms envelop me and I close my eyes as I feel our hearts starting to beat together, our chests rising and falling as we breathe at the same time. We don't speak, because speaking would ruin the silence. I pull my head back and look up at him and with my hands on his jacket, I pull him in for a kiss and our movements harmonize together. Without missing a beat he lifts me up and sets me on the counter. His hands run down the length of my body and I feel heat spread through me. I am no longer cold; my body feels like it's on fire. I pull my mouth away from his as I push his jacket off of his shoulders, tugging on the soft fabric of his shirt. He moves his finger along the zipper of my jacket, pulling it slowly down. My eyes are locked on his, my heart pounding in my chest with every movement he makes. He tosses the heavy material to the floor and pulls my sweater above my head, tossing that aside too. We pause in that moment before our bodies collide again and his lips are rough on mine, his teeth tugging on my lower lip and he pushes his tongue past my lips. Our breath mingles together as I tug his shirt over his head, running my fingers across the defined muscles of his chest. His lips are on my neck, leaving his marks behind as he moves across my skin.

"Tobias."

His name comes out as a breath as his hands are pulling my pants down my legs. I scoot forward to press my body against his and we move together, as we always do, like we're on fire and like we will never stop.


	27. Chapter 27

Morning comes earlier than I want it to. I feel like I barely got any sleep. I stayed up late, my mind running in a million different directions. I couldn't hold still. But eventually, lulled by the breathing of Tobias laying next to me, I was eventually able to close my eyes. But then the alarm goes off and he's nudging my bare shoulder with his nose pressing his lips to my skin. I groan and toss the covers over my head. He chuckles and then tugs the material back down.

"Come on..." he says with a smile in his voice, his hands wrapping around my body and squeezing me gently. "We gotta get up."

I shake my head. "No," I say. "Can't we just stay in bed all day or something?"

He flips me around in bed so that I am facing him and he shakes his head, pressing his lips to my cheeks. "We can't unfortunately."

I sigh and move closer to him, resting my head on his chest. "That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"However, tomorrow is Family Day," he says. "Which means that we have a day off from training."

I smile. "Does that mean we can sleep in?"

He nods and presses a kiss to the bridge of my nose. "Yes, that's exactly what it means."

I let out another groan before pressing against him and kissing him before climbing out of bed. The chill hits me and I shiver. "God it's cold," I say before heading toward the lockers to grab my clothes. I toss Tobias his and begin getting dressed.

"That is a very sad sight," he says.

I peek at him as I'm pulling my sweater on. "What is?"

He grins at me. "You getting dressed."

I roll my eyes and pull on my jeans. I cross to him and kiss him. "You are so dumb," I tell him.

He shrugs. "But you love me that way," He says with a smirk.

"Yeah, you're right."

We head down the stairs and stop in the cafeteria to grab some breakfast. I see Tori talking with the others and we walk toward them. The look on her face makes me nervous because I haven't seen her or spoken to her since the last time. And I don't know what has been going hapepning on her end.

"Hey," I say, sitting down next to Uriah who's holding Marlene's hand. I smile. Looks like they're working things out...despite how Lynn feels. I glance at her, but her gaze is focused on Tori and I wonder if she's just ignoring it, or if she has a thing for her. "What's going on?"

"Jeanine wants to meet up," Tori says, her voice low. My heart stops for a second and then I have to remind myself to breathe.

"What?" Tobias asks. "Why?"

She shrugs. "To help us figure out what's happening."

"She said that?"

"Well not in so many words," Tori gives a wry smile. "But she's confused as well. She's agreed to a peace and won't try anything when we go to meet with her. She wants answers about as much as we do. "

They're all looking at me...like it's up to me, like it's my decision to make. Is it because I was the first one to come back? Is it because I am divergent? So I nod, because I want the truth. And I figure the more people we have working on this, the easier it will get. "Okay," I say. "When does she want to do this?"

"Tomorrow," Tori says. "She says that because it's Family Day we'll have an opportunity to gather."

So much for sleeping in. "Okay," I say again. "Tomorrow then. Meet up at the trains first thing in the morning?"

They nod. "Sounds good."

Uriah looks down at the doors and I follow his gaze to see Christina head toward us. I offer her a smile. "Hey," I tell her as she sits down. "What's up?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing..." she says. "I almost didn't wake up this morning and then I realized that I was hungry."

I laugh and toss her a muffin before taking a bite of my own. The conversation quickly changes to one of a lighter mood and I wish that Christina remembered everything. It would be so much easier to include here in everything. Because I know that part of her still resents me for taking Tobias away from her. She says she understands, but I wonder how you could ever forgive someone for something like that.

There is a shout just outside of the doors and we all turn. I am about to get up to head toward the noise when I see him. He is walking slowly into the room and I freeze where I stand. The last image that I have of him is where hey lay in the gravel right after I had shot him. He stops at the end of the table and looks at me. I can't move, I can't breathe; I can't do anything. I hear Tobias say my name, but it's so muffled that I can't be one hundred percent clear that he had been the one to speak. The muffin falls out of my hand and onto the table. What is the last thing he remembers? Does he remember being under the simulation? Does he remember shooting at me and my mother? Does he remember me pointing the gun at him and shooting him dead? Does he blame me for it? His eyes move from me and I follow his gaze to Christina who is staring at him like she had been shocked or something. Her eyes are wide and bright, and I see tears rolling down her cheeks. I look back at him and when I see the slow grin on his face, my knees give out from beneath me and I sit down. Christina stands and they run toward each other and he pulls her against him, wrapping her in a hug.

I feel something wet on my cheeks and lift a hand to find that I had started crying. There is a knot in the pit of my stomach and I feel like I have been sucker punched. I don't know what to do here or what to say. I feel Tobias tug on my hand and I turn to look at him, away from the scene unfolding in front of me. He lifts his hand litsndushes the tears away. "You okay?" he asks me, his voice low.

I shake my head. Because I don't know how I am. I honestly have no idea. I look back at Christina who looks like Tobias did that night he got his memories back. She's sitting across from me and Will is next to her.

"Tris," he says, nodding at me.

"Hey," I say weakly. I take in a breath. "I am so..."

"No," he says. "Don't...don't apologize."

I stare at him confused. "What?" I ask. "Why not? I killed-"

"I was going to kill you first," Will says. "If you hadn't done anything, you would have been dead."

I cover my mouth and close my eyes. "Well," I say, looking at him again. "It's good to see you."

He smiles. "It's good to be seen."

I use the sleeves of my sweater to wipe away any tears from my face and look over at the others. "Can you...explain things to tem?" I ask her. "We gotta get down to the Pit."

"Yeah," Marlene says with a smile. "We've got this."

I glance at her and nod. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

"Crash and burn," Uriah says with a smirk.

I nudge him, rolling my eyes before I look at Tobias. "You ready?"

He nods and we get up from the table, leaving the cafeteria. Once we are outside, I hear my name, and I turn back to see Christina running toward me. Behind her, still at the table is Will.

"What are you doing?" I ask her.

"I'm sorry," she tells me. "About before."

I shake my head. "You've already apologized for that."

"But I wasn't really sorry," she tells me. "I didn't know better. But I know now. I remember now." She glances up at Tobias. "I was stupid."

"Chris, it's okay," I say. "I promise. I just hope you can forgive me for Will."

She looks back at Will and turns back to look at me, a silly smile on her face. "I forgave you for that a while ago," she says. "And this...whatever this is, whatever reason he's here...I don't care. I have him back. And I honestly couldn't be happier."

I smile at her.

"Go enjoy it," Tobias says. "It's a good feeling to have the person you love back in your life."

She smiles at him. "Thank you," she says before running back toward Will.

I watch them for a moment before turning to look at Tobias. "It's a good feeling, huh?"

He steps toward me and kisses me softly. "The best."


	28. Chapter 28

I still can't even comprehend what I'm feeling with the most recent return. I still carry the weight of that day, when I saw Will collapse onto the ground, lifeless. Sometimes it still haunts my dreams. But now that he's back and now that's he here...how does one just let something like that go? How does one just move on from mistakes that had been made in the past? Sure, he seems like he has forgiven me, but how does someone just forgive being murdered? I try not to let the uncomfortable feeling show on my face because I don't want to make this about me, because it's not. This has never really been about me. I'm not stupid or naïve to think that about myself. I just...I punished myself for so long for Will's death that I don't feel like it's something that I could just let go. And I know that Tobias knows. He knows me better than anyone and by the way that he's looking at me...he can see it on my face.

I barely pay attention to what's going on with the group, I am so caught up in my own mind. I only fully understand when I see them all leaving the Pit and I look up at Tobias. "Where are the going?" I ask him.

"Lunch," he says walking toward me.

"Oh," I say. I must have spaced out longer than I thought. "Did they notice?"

"Nah," He says. "You were actually participating and talking. They don't know you well enough to know that something's wrong."

I sigh and move to go sit down. "I'm sorry," I tell him. "I just...I don't know how to handle this."

He sits next to me, reach out and taking my hand in his. "Normal people don't ever have to deal with something like this," he says. "People they killed coming back to life."

I nod and shake my head. "I wish that we were normal," I say. "How are you doing? With the whole Eric thing?"

"Killing Eric didn't exactly have the same impact on me that Will did for you," he says. "Besides, Eric knew what he was doing. Will didn't. There's a difference."

I close my eyes and move so that I'm resting against his shoulder. "What do I do?" I ask. "How do I do this?"

He squeezes my hand and presses a kiss to my head. "With me."

"What?"

"You do this with me," he says. "We can do it together."

I lift my head and look at him. "Kiss me," I say.

And he does without hesitation. His lips are soft on mine and his hands move to my sides to pull me up against him. I let out a sigh against his lips and he pulls back, his forehead resting on mine. "You going to be okay?" he whispers.

I don't answer because I don't have an answer for him. I don't have the truth, I don't have the why. I just have to believe that things are going to be okay. I don't know who is doing this and why, but hopefully we're all one step closer to figuring it out. Figuring out the truth and making sure that everything stays the way that it is. I don't want to lose anyone again, and I don't want Tobias to have to suffer losing me twice. I nod. "Maybe," I say.

He chuckles. "Come on," he says. "Let's go get some food."

He lifts me off of his lap and sets me on the floor and I am always hyper aware of our height difference and how much bigger he is than I am. In the beginning, it made me feel like a little kind compared to him, someone that couldn't be seen as something more than just that, but during our time together, it never mattered. It never mattered to him what I looked like; as long as I was safe. And with Tobias, I always feel safe. He stands and I hold out my hand for him to take and we leave the Pit to head back up to the cafeteria. As we're outside, about to enter, Eric comes toward us, wearing that smirk on his lips and I can feel my blood run cold. The hair on my arms sticks up and I'm sure that he's noticed.

"Well, well," Eric says, eying the two of us. I swallow and tighten the hand that Tobias isn't holding into a fist. "Isn't this sweet."

I glance up at Tobias, whose jaw is clenched and then I look back at Eric. I don't know if Tobias can even speak now, he looks so angry.

"What do you want?" I ask.

"I want in."

My eyebrows come together on my head and I shake my head. "In to what?"

"The meeting."

I swallow. "What meeting?"

He scowls at me. "Don't play dumb with me, Stiff," he snaps. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Don't talk to her like that," Tobias says. "Let's say we are meeting, why would we even let you come with us?"

"Because I want answers, too," Eric says. "Last thing I remember is you killing me. Then I wake in the infirmary a year later.. Tell me, does that seem at all logical to you?"

As much as I don't trust Eric, he deserves answers, just like the rest of us. It wouldn't be fair to keep the truth from him, even if we don't know what that truth is just yet. I sigh and Tobias looks at me. "You can't be serious," he says.

I lift my shoulders up and look at him. "If it were me, I would want to know," I say. "I can't keep something like this from him.." I look at Eric. "We're leaving tomorrow morning. When everyone else is sticking around for Family Day."

He nods. "Okay," he says.

And then he walks off, without so much as a thank you, but then again, I'm not really surprised that he didn't. It was Eric and from my experience, he wasn't really much of a people person. I feel Tobias still staring at me, so I look at him. "What?" I ask.

"You really are selfless," he says.

"Shut up," I say, shaking my head as I move to head into the cafeteria.

He grabs my arm and pulls me around to look at him. "If the situations were reversed, I wouldn't have let him come."

"If the situations were reversed, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I'm serious, Tris," he says. "You're a much better person than I am."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah you are," he says. He leans down and kisses me again. "Trust me."

I bite my lower lip and brush my hair behind my ear. "Okay fine."

He kisses me again before taking my hand again and we walk into the cafeteria again. Twenty hours and counting until the meeting Tori set up with Jeanine. Twenty hours and counting until we get one step closer to figuring out the key to the puzzle. It makes me nervous. I barely eat during lunch and only because Tobias urges me to do so. I try my best to keep up with the conversation, but I can't. Because every time my eyes land on Will's face, he's looking at me and every feeling that I felt the first time I see him, overwhelms me, making me feel like I can't breathe. About fifteen minutes later, I have to excuse myself and I stand outside of the doors trying to get my heart rate back down to a normal level.

I expect Tobias to come after me, but that's not who comes through the doors. It's Will. And I freeze, not knowing whether or not I should run or stay put.

"Tris," he says, taking a tentative step toward me.

I take a breath and look at him, shaking my head. "How can you be okay with what I did?" I ask him, sinking down the floor. "I'm not even okay with it."

He moves to sit down next to me and shrugs. "When I was under the simulation," he says. "I killed people. I don't even remember how many there were, I just know that I did. And I have to live with that, Tris."

"But that wasn't your fault!"

"And this isn't yours!"

"How can you say that?" I ask him. "I shot you, Will. I knew what I was doing."

He pauses and licks his lips. "It's not about that," he says. "It's just...you're..." he stops. "If it makes you feel any better, because I was under the simulation, I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that you were a threat. And I only remembered what had happened when I woke up in the infirmary. I didn't know what had been happened or even how much time had passed, but that I was alive. And whatever had happened, it's in the past. Regardless of what's going on now, I am alive, and you can stop punishing yourself, Tris."

I look up at him. "I don't know if I can."

He nudges me. "I'll help you," He says. "We'll all help you. Just like you've helped us."

I offer him a sad smile. "Well good,," I tell him. "Because I'm going to need all the help I can get."

He chuckles and gets to his feet, offering me a hand. "Come on," he says. "You've got to eat."

I stand up and we head back to your table. Tobias is looking at me, curiously, trying to make sure if I'm okay, I guess. And I nod. He takes my hand and presses a kiss to my palm. We're going to be okay, I think. We just have to figure out the truth.

And then...we'll go from there.


	29. Chapter 29

Fourteen hours and counting. I'm still really nervous about finding out what Jeanine has found out. But I am starting to feel a little better, especially after the conversation I had with Will. There is still that deep rooted feeling of regret within me that I don't think will ever truly disappear from me, but it's dwindling and it isn't quite so bad. The Pit clears out of all initiates and with them gone, it gives me time to let my own thoughts loose. Which isn't exactly the best idea. I have too many of them, and too many thoughts could end up driving a person crazy. I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. I look up when Tobias comes toward me and I offer him a smile.

"You okay?" he asks rubbing my arm.

I nod. "Yeah, I'm good," I say shrugging. "I mean, obviously I could be better, but I'm okay."

"Good," Tobias says. "I want to take you somewhere tonight."

I narrow my eyes at him, confused. "What do you mean?"

He tilts his head to the side and stares down at me. "Can I just take you on a date, Tris?"

"Oh," I say, surprised. The thought of going on a date seems wildly incomprehensible given everything that's happened in the past months. "A date. Like an actual date?"

He smiles at me. "Yeah," he says. "An actual date."

I suck in my cheek, like I'm thinking about it, but when the both of us know what I'm going to say. "Okay," I say. "Fine." He grins. "But..." The grin disappears.

"What is it."

I gesture to myself. "I have to shower," I tell him. "I can't just go out on a date like this. I stink. You stink. That's not very romantic you know."

He lifts his shirt to sniff at it and then makes a face. "Okay fine," he says. "Let's go shower up."

I rest my hands on his chest and grin up at him. "If this is a date, I'm going to be showering by myself. You can pick me up at my room in an hour."

He narrows his eyes at him. "What?"

I smile at him. "Come on," I tell him. "Give me this one thing, okay?"

He leans down and presses his lips to mine. "Yeah okay," he says "One hour."

I watch as he leaves the Pit and once he has disappeared from view I go up to the room where they keep the clothing and pick out a dress. It is getting warmer outside, but there is still a chill so I choose a dress that stops at my calves and a jacket to go with it. I also grab a bag full of toiletries including razors and soap and makeup. I'm not very good at putting makeup on, but I figured for a date, I would give it a try. I wonder how many people go on dates in Dauntless. I don't take time to deliberate, I take my things and go, time was running out.

Once I get back to my room, I lock the door and head into the shower. I let the hot water soak away the stress and nerves of the last couple of days and take my time lathering my body and soaping up my hair. Once I'm out, I towel try my hair and go to the mirror in the room. I stare at my reflection, no longer the skinny girl from Abnegation, but a strong, muscular woman from Dauntless. I run my fingers over the scars on my stomach from the bullet wounds. They were a reminder of how I died, of how my life could have turned out. I lean in close to the mirror and apply the eyeliner, poking myself in the eye a few times before finally getting it right. That was probably the reason I hardly wore the stuff. I brush out my hair and pull only half of it up with a clip before going to the bed where I have laid out my dress. I glance at the clock and feel my nerves spread through me. I finish dressing and am pulling on my shoes when there is a knock at the door. I check myself in the mirror before heading to the door.

I open it and my blood runs cold when I see Peter in front of me. He looks me up and down and I can feel him mentally undressing me. I move to slam the door shut, but he catches me and pushes it out, the force throwing me against the wall. "Hey, Tris," he says stepping into the room. My body is shaking.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him. "Shouldn't you be at the gate?"

"You know, funny thing about that," He says. "Your boyfriend sent me to the gate, but he didn't really have authorization for that, did he?"

I swallow. "Think about what you're doing."

"Oh I have thought about this," He says. "You think that it was easy for me, Tris?" he asks. "You just dumped me out of the blue, for Four. What the fuck was that about?"

I shake my head. "It wasn't out of the blue."

"It was to me," he snaps.

I flinch and take a breath before answering. "You had to have known it wasn't going to last," I tell him. "How many times have you laid your hands on me, Peter?" He doesn't meet my gaze. "How many times have I had to cover your bruises?"

"I don't want to be like this." His voice is so soft that I almost don't catch what he says.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he shakes his head and turns around, leaving my sight. I step out of the doorway to watch him go when Tobias steps up. He follow my gaze.

"What happened?" he asks.

And so I tell him, and when I am finished, he looks down and sighs. "What is it?" I ask him.

"Before everything, when Peter and I came to the city to help inoculate members and I was trying to find my mother with the serum, Peter told me something," he says. "He told me that he didn't want to be the way that he was. He didn't want to be sick anymore."

"Sick?"

"Something is wrong with his mind and he wanted me to give him the serum, to start over."

"And did you?"

"Yeah," he says. "I did."

I let out a breath, shaking my head. "What do you think we should do about him?"

"I think we should bring it up to Tori in the morning, see what she thinks we should do. This Peter, he's still the same Peter he was before; he's just had different things happen to him."

I nod. "Yeah," I say. "I wish this wasn't so damn confusing."

"You and me both." Then he looks at me. "Hey," he says, standing up straighter. "You're in a dress."

I laugh and look down. "Yeah," I say. "I am. Do you like it?"

He grins at me and leans down to kiss me. "I definitely like this," He says. "So...are you ready for our date?"

I nod. "Most definitely," I say with a smirk.

He closes the door behind me and we leave the hallway toward the main part of the building. I hear voices, which isn't really uncommon for this time of night in the Pit. As we get closer, I see Will and Christina, holding hands as they talk to someone. As we get closer, I slowly start to recognize his face. I stop in my tracks and I yank Tobias back with me. He hasn't seen him. But when he sees the look on my face, he follows my gaze and then immediately looks back at me. I feel like all of the blood has disappeared from my face. Christina looks back at him and the look on her face is a mix of horror and excitement. Strange how those two things often coincide here at Dauntless.

"Al," I whisper his name, and he looks up at him.

"Tris," he says, coming toward me

I take a step back, shaking my head. I can't deal with this right now. He had tried to kill me. He had tried to throw me into the chasm. and then because I had chosen not to forgive him, he killed himself. That in turn wasn't my fault, that had been his choice. But I had still felt partially responsible for it. But him being back, and looking at me with those sad eyes of his. "No," I whisper.

He stops and stares at me. "Tris..."

"No," I say, my voice harder this time.

Tobias tugs my arm and pulls me away from the crowd. "Not tonight, Al," Tobias says, turning and pulling me with him.

I don't know where we are going; I am not even paying attention as we leave the compound. Tobias helps me onto the train and I let out a shaky breath as he pulls me into a hug. "Why is this happening?" I ask him. "Is this punishment?"

He rubs my back. "No," He says. "Don't think of it like that."

"First Will; now it's Al," I say, pulling back to look up at him. "What do I do?"

He kisses the tip of my nose. "For now? Nothing. Just try to enjoy tonight, please?" he says. "Can you do that?"

I offer him a small smile, and then nod. "Yeah," I say. "I can try."

"Good," He says. "You might not know this, but I have been trying to put together a date night for a while."

"Really?"

"Okay, so maybe only like two days," Tobias grins. "But still. I figured that after everything you kind of needed it. "

"I don't deserve you, you know," I tell him.

He kisses me. "Yeah you do."


	30. Chapter 30

When we get off of the train, I immediately recognize the Abnegation Sector. We haven't been back since dinner the other night and I figured we would see them again at the meeting if they decided to go. I didn't know if they would even come given the meeting was with Jeanine. I didn't want to push them in any direction that was uncomfortable to them. As much as I wanted to see them again, especially if they weren't going to the meeting, but I was under the impression that tonightI look at Tobias, and he's wearing a smirk on his lips. "What are we doing here?" I ask him.

He squeezes my hand. "I figured that after the week you've had, it would be nice to have a date in a place that you're comfortable with."

"I don't follow."

"I spoke to your parents and they are having dinner with another family tonight. You and I will be eating your parent's house," Tobias says. "They're giving us the night."

I'm not surprised that they would do that...it's incredibly selfless of them to give up with house for the night just so that Tobias and I can have a date. But then again, I wouldn't expect anything less from my parents. "You did this for me?"

He smiles at me. "I did it for us," he tells me opening the door. Once inside, I take off my jacket and hang it by the door. I catch the scent of the stew that is cooking in the kitchen that my mother must have started before she left for the night. Being in my childhood home without my parents makes me feel nostalgic of the times before the choosing ceremony. Of the way that I felt before knowing that I had to leave my family forever. I feel Tobias looking at me, so I turn to look back him.

"Is this okay?" he asks me.

I take a step toward him and offer him a smile. "It's perfect," I tell him. "How did you even find the time to ask them for this?"

"It was when I was in the kitchen with your mother the other night," he says. "She's the one that brought it up actually."

"She did?" I ask her. I make a mental note to thank her the next time I see her.

"Yeah," he says before leaning in and kissing my head. "You hungry?"

"Starving," I answer, and he takes m head and leads me into the dining room.

After we eat, we clean up the dishes and put whatever's left in a container and leave in the fridge for when they come home. I dry my hands off and lean against the counter watching Tobias as he cleans the stove. "I like seeing you like this," I tell him.

"What, domesticated?" he asks with a chuckle.

"Yeah," I answer. "It's a different Tobias than I'm used to seeing."

He glances back at me. "Good or bad thing?"

"Definite good thing," I say. "It lets me see the side of you that I'll be getting when we start our own family."

His hands freeze on the stove and I realize what I've just said. I start sputtering out nonsense words as I try to backtrack. "If, I mean if, you know," I say quickly. "If we start our family, or you know whatever..." I trail off and then drop my head in my hands.

I hear him laughing, so I peek at him through my fingers. "What's funny?" I ask him, my voice somewhat muffled by my hands.

"You're cute when you're nervous, you know that right?"

I shake m head. "Of course you would find amusement out of this," I tell him.

He takes my hands away from my face and I make a face at him. "We're gonna have a family," he tells me. "At least, I want a family."

"But there's just so much shit going on..."

"And we'll deal with it," he says. "And once we take care of that, we can focus on us."

"You think we'll be okay?" I ask him.

"I definitely think we'll be okay," He tells me. He leans in to kiss me and I let him. After a moment, he pulls away and takes my hand. "Come on."

We walk out of the kitchen and into the main part of the house, toward the stairs. I stop at the bottom and glance up at him. "Do you know how long until they come back?"

He glances at the clock on the wall and shrugs. "Maybe an hour or so?"

"Okay," I say, tugging him up the stairs with me. I open the door to my old bedroom and then once he's inside I shut the door behind him. He glances down at me with that half smile on his lips.

"What's on your mind, Tris?" he asks me.

I shake my head and walk over to the bed, sitting down. "For once, not the war," I say, tilting my head as I look up at him. "For tonight, it's just you."

He grins and comes over to join me. He kisses my head and rubs my back. "I'm glad we got tonight," he tells me. "Everything's been a bit crazy lately."

"I know," I say resting my head on his shoulder. "Everyone deserves a night off. Before things get worse."

He rubs my back. "I don't think that things are going to get worse," he tells me. "I thought we had already seen the worse."

"You know what you're right," I tell him. "We've seen enough bad things, and wasted too much time talking about the bad things. We earned this tonight." I look up at him

"Yes okay," he says. "And what do you want to do tonight?"

I glance at the clock. "Well it looks like we've still got that hour," I say with a smile.

"We do," he says with a smirk, pulling me in by my waist and kissing me gently.

I tug his shirt up over his head and move to straddle him, his hands settling on my hips to keep me in place. I look down at him, his dark blue eyes focused on mine. "I love you," I tell him before kissing him again. He moves his hands up my back and his fingers find the zipper of the dress, pulling it down slowly. As his fingers move down my back, I feel shivers spread through my body. His lips are on my neck, his fingers pushing down the straps of my dress until it falls down my shoulders and I feel heat spread through my body. I tangle my fingers in his hair, arching myself against him as he kisses me. He lifts me off of his lap and lays me down on the bed, pulling the dress down the length of my body until I lay completely naked beneath him. He looks over him, his fingers brushing over the scars on my abdomen, and his eyes flick up to meet mine.

"Do they hurt?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "Not anymore," I answer.

He bends down and presses his lips against the before kissing up the space between my breasts and goose bumps surface on my skin. He pulls away and gets rid of his pants before joining me on the bed. I run my hands down his chest and he grins down at me as he moves his hands down my sides, pushing my legs apart. My breath catches in my throat and he looks back up at me. "Are you nervous?" he asks me.

I swallow. "Maybe a little," I tell him.

He leans down and kisses me softly. "I'll be gentle," he says.

**A/N: I know, I know. You wanted a lemon. But it took me a week to write this chapter. I'll have one soon I promise!**


	31. Chapter 31

The next morning, I don't want to get out of bed. It is Visiting Day, and I remember how I felt last year on this day. Nervous, excited, curious to see if my parents would even come even though I had betrayed them. But today is not that day for me. Today holds a completely different meaning, and it is the cause of the feeling of unease in my stomach. Today we are going to be one step closer to finding out the truth to why we are all here. To why we are all alive again. It shouldn't be possible, but those of us who have made our back, have starting coming back to life. And not even the ones that we lost during the war. Al is back and he died by his own hands. It doesn't make sense to me, and I don't know if even the smartest minds could figure out why this is happening.

I lay in bed, not moving, keeping my breathing even so that I can pretend that I am still asleep. I am nervous to get out of bed and to start the day. Because starting the day means leaving Dauntless and going to Erudite. I had made that mistake once before, but this time it wasn't just going to be me this time around. I wouldn't be offering myself over in surrender. But even though the tables have turned and things are different now, I still find myself not wanting to go. However, this could be an opportunity to see how Caleb is doing at Erudite headquarters. I don't know what he remembers and what he doesn't. But maybe seeing our parents could wake that part up inside of him. I don't know what I'd do without him, what I'd do if he didn't remember everything that happened. But maybe it's better than he never suffered the loss of our parents. The less pain he has to feel, the better.

I let out a sigh and immediately I feel Tobias roll over in bed to look at me. We made it back to Dauntless after a few hours at my parents house, and once we got back we passed out. He rests his head on his hand as he looks down at me and I squeeze my eyes shut. If I don't open my eyes, maybe he'll think that I'm still sleeping and then he won't bother me. The longer I can stay in bed, the better. Maybe I can put this off for at least another hour or so.

"I know you're awake," he says, and I can hear the grin on his lips. I try not to give myself away. "You can't really fool me, you know."

He's right about that. We've been together too long for him not to know me so well. I let out a sigh and turn to look at him. "Morning," I tell him.

He smiles at me and presses a kiss to my lips. "How'd you sleep?"

"As well as I could given the circumstances," I answer. "I don't want to leave just yet."

"I know," he says. "But when Tori says first thing, she means first thing. She's not going to wait for us if we're late."

I make a face. "Yeah, I know," I say. "Can't we just...not go?"

He raises a brow at me. I know that we can't just skip this meeting He and I want answers just as much as everyone else wants answers. Not that I even know if Jeanine will know what is going on. I don't trust her, and why should I? After the countless times she's tried to kill me, wouldn't it just be smarter to stay away from her? If we were in any other situation, it would definitely be smarter to stay away from her, but now? Here? Keeping our distance could only cause more problems.

I groan. "I know, I know," I say pushing the covers off of me. "We have to go."

I start to get out of bed, but he pulls me back in so that we are face to face. His dark blue eyes are focused on me, and even now after all of this time it takes my breath away. "They can wait five minutes, right?" He asks, teasingly.

"Depends what you're planning to do in those five minutes," I tell him, my tone matching his.

He lets out a mock gasp. "Tris!," he says with a grin before pulling me in to kiss me. His hands are on my waist and I snake my arms up around his neck kissing him hungrily. I let out a soft gasp as he tugs on my lower lip. I have to fight to pull myself away.

"Stop," I tell him, sighing as I detangle myself from him. "If you keep this up, we will definitely miss te meeting."

He chuckles and kisses me again before getting out of bed. "Okay fine," he says, holding up his hands in defeat. "You win."

Once we are both dressed we head down to the main entrance of the building and toward the train. As soon as the doors close behind us I can see the others gathered inside of the car. They're all waiting for us. Will, Christina, Al, Uriah, Marlene, Lynn, Tori and even Eric. Eric, the guy that I've been afraid of since day one. The guy that hasn't done anything to redeem himself since coming back. But then again he hasn't done anything too horrible since he's been back since I haven't heard anything. I don't know what he wants, or if he wants revenge on Tobias for killing him. I have never been able to figure him out. The closer I get to the group, the easier it is to see the anxiety on their faces. And the closer we get, the more uneasy I begin to feel. Tori reaches a hand out to help me up and smiles at me.

"We thought you two weren't going to make it," she says. "Almost left without you."

"Glad you didn't," I tell her.

I look over in the corner and I see Will and Christina huddle together in the corner. I don't blame them. I would probably do the same if the situations were reversed. Al is in the opposite corner and I can feel him staring at me. It takes everything in me not to turn to look at him. I can't deal with this now. I don't even know if I can deal with it ever. Instead, Tobias and I move to the other side of the car where Marlene, Uriah and Lynn are standing. Tori leans out the car door to start the train and then we're off.

No one on the train says anything. I don't think we even know what to say at this point. Everyone on this train, except for Christina and Tobias have died. We've all come back to life due to something that we just can't explain. I rest my head against Tobias' chest, letting the sound of the train passing on the rails ease my mind as we ride through the city. I feel him stiffen, so I pull away and look up at him. But he isn't looking at me. I turn to see what's caught his attention and I take a step back immediately when I see Al standing there.

"Please," he says. "I just...I want to talk"

I stare at him wondering if this is really happening. How could it be that he could just stand there in front of me, wanting to talk.

"What is there left to say?" Tobias asks.

Al meets his gaze and looks away quickly. That's when I remember that Al doesn't know Tobias the way everyone else on the train does. Well, everyone except for Will. Al died before everything happened. And Will was barely conscious when he died. During initiation no one got to know Tobias like I did. To everyone else, he was intimidating and scary and if you had to be careful not to cross him. Granted, he's still intimidating and scary...just not to me.

"I don't understand anything that's going on," Al says quietly. "I came along because Christina invited me."

I swallow past the lump that is currently growing in my throat, getting larger with every passing moment that I don't speak. I bite my lower lip and look up at Tobias when I feel his hand on my back. Ultimately it's my decision whether or not I talk to Al. It's my decision to tell him what's been going on. Will and Christina know that Al helped in almost throwing me into the chasm. They had protected me and stood up for me when Al had tried to explain himself. He hadn't deserved a second chance. But we're all here now. All having died once...and this is our second chance. To what? To do things right? To make better decisions? To live out our lives the way they should have gone if Jeanine hadn't messed everything up with her desire to eradicate human nature? What other reason could there be? So I look up at Al. Because if this is a second chance, it means that Al was deserving enough to be here. It means he is worth a second chance.

"What." I say. It doesn't come out like a question. It is just a statement and I just want to know what he wants. I don't even know what he expects from me. Does he want to be friends again? I don't know how I could look at his face and not see the way he looked at me when I pulled his mask off. How does one forget attempted murder?

"We don't have a lot of time before we're at Erudite," Tobias says. His voice is hard and I don't blame him. "If you're looking for a heart to heart, you're not getting it. Say what you want to say."

The muscle's in Al's jaw clench and he nods before looking back at me. "Okay," he says. "I just...It wasn't your fault, Tris."

I stare at him, unsure if I hard heard him right. "What?"

"Jumping was my decision," Al says.

"Why are you telling me this?" I ask him. I don't want to talk about this. Not now and not ever. I felt guilty when he jumped because I felt like he did it because I wouldn't forgive him. "You tried to kill me, Al. I'm not going to apologize for not forgiving you."

"I'm not asking you to," he says, taking an awkward step back.

People have started to pay attention to us. I had wanted to keep this conversation quiet, but I couldn't do that anymore. Not with what he way saying to me.

"I don't blame myself for your death, Al," I say. "I just...I felt guilty, but no one pushed you off of the ledge and into the chasm. Not the way that you were going to do it to me." Al looks at me like I've just struck him across the face. "I'm sorry."

He swallows and then nods. "I'm sorry too," he says before turning away from me.

turn to look back at Tobias, making sure that I don't look at the people in the train who are currently staring at me. "You okay?" he asks me quietly.

I nod as I rest my face against his chest again. "Yeah, I'm okay," I tell him.

A few moments later, I open my eyes and see Tori leaning out of the car door. She turns back to look at us. "Okay, we're coming up on the jump," she says. "Be ready."

One by one we jump out of the car and onto the grassy hill. Once I am back on my feet, I brush whatever dirt has collected on my pants before looking up at the building in front of me. My heart starts to race and my palms begin to sweat. This is it.

Now we find get our answers.


	32. Chapter 32

I have never been more nervous than I am right at this moment. Tobias holds my hand as we walk up the steps together, toward Jeanine's office. This main building is empty as everyone else is in the main Erudite building for visiting day. My heart beats hard against my ribs as I try to keep my breath steady. Tobias squeezes my hand and it helps to calm me. I swallow when we reach the landing and Jeanine is standing there. I wonder if she is surprised about the turn out, but I would never ask her point blank. I don't care that much about her feelings.

"So let's get this started then," Eric says, sounding a bit annoyed.

I look at him and narrow my eyes. "You don't get to control this," I tell him. "You don't get to control anything."

He glares at me, but surprisingly doesn't say anything. Jeanine clears her throat and we all turn our attention back to her.

"Shall we?" she says, gesturing down the hall to an open door and we follow.

I keep my distance from the woman, even though I know everything that has happened, and I know that she is not in charge anymore, she had done more damage to me and my family than I would like to admit. I still don't know where Caleb is, but I know that he and I need to talk to each other, to see what he remembers...to see what he knows. Tobias and I sit in the second row of the room, waiting for the rest of the group to file in and I turn to look at him.

"Are you not nervous?" I ask him.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments, but brushes his thumb against my hand. "No," he says looking up and meeting my eyes.

"Why not?"

"Because whatever this is...whoever is controlling this, it doesn't matter," he says. "I got you back, Tris. And that's all that matters to me."

I smile softly at him and lean in to press my lips against his. He rests his head against mine and I let out a sigh. I wish that we could have put his meeting off as long as we could. I wish that we could have ignored the facts and just lived life the way that we had. I could have just stayed quiet and not done anything, but everyone in this room knows that that goes against every thing that I stand for. The door closes and I pull away from Tobias to look up at Jeanine who is coming to the front of the room. She looks just as I remember her. Stern, cold, and completely unforgiving. I follow her gaze to Tori who is standing by the door keeping watch. I would be uneasy around the person who killed me, too. But that doesn't mean I feel bad for her.

"What did you find out?" Tori asks.

Jeanine looks us over before answering. "Unfortunately I did not find much out," she says. "There's not really much I can find inside of the fence. But going outside of the fence would probably be more risky. Uriah mentioned there is a Bureau outside of the city?"

"Yes," I say, sitting up straight. "The Bureau of Genetic Welfare. They've been controlling experiments like this for years."

"I'm sorry, experiments?" Jeanine says, looking confused. "The city is an experiment?"

"Yeah," I say. "We weren't the only one either. But we've been the only one to survive as long as we have."

I proceed to go into further detail about everything that we had learned at the Bureau, keeping out the parts about genetics and pure genes because finding out that the Bureau classifies you as damaged after coming back to life is the last thing that they need. No one needs to know that people think of them as damaged.

"They are dangerous people," I say. "And they've been watching us for years."

"So why haven't they done anything about this yet?" Jeanine asks. "If they know that we know about them?"

"I don't know," I say. "That's what's been stressing me out. I don't know why we're back, or what we're doing here. Or what they want with us. And it makes me nervous because I don't know how long it's going to last."

"You think that they'd just kill us again?"

"They brought us back to life just because they felt like it," Lynn says. "They can take it away just like that."

We're quiet after she says that. Because even though we've all been thinking about it for the past few days, no one has ever said it out loud. Because going down that road and finally admitting to the fact that it could be taken away from us isn't something that any of us really want to think about it. I turn to look at Tobias and I lace our fingers together. The muscle in his jaw is clenched and the one in his temple is throbbing. He doesn't look at me, and I don't blame him.

"So what do we do?" Tobias asks, his voice is hard and tense. "Just wait?"

"That's what it looks like," Jeanine says. "I don't see what other option we have at this point."

"What about going after them?" Eric asks. "Finding out what exactly it is the bastards want from us?"

"And risk dying all over again?" Al asks.

"Don't we risk dying if we don't do something?" Will says.

I close my eyes and take a breath. I didn't think it would be like this. I thought that we would get an answer. I thought that we would found out what was going on. I thought we would figure out the truth. The reasoning behind all of this. Isn't that why we came to Jeanine in the first place?

"Tris?" It's Christina. I open my eyes and turn m head to look back at her. "What do you want to do?" she asks me.

I shake my head because I honestly have no idea. "I don't know what to do," I say. "All of you are right. If we stay, we risk dying, if we go we risk getting killed. There is no finding out what they want."

"Tris, what about the cameras?" Tobias says.

I turn to him. I had completely forgotten about the cameras. I had forgotten about the thousands of cameras that the Bureau and hidden inside every building of this city so that they could keep an eye on their precious projects. I jump up from my seat and grab a marker and begin writing on the white board right behind Jeanine.

"What cameras?" Jeanine asks.

I stop and look at everyone who is staring at me curiously. "In order to keep and eye on their experiments, they have cameras everywhere. I don't know where they are, or how many there are, I just know that they are here and they can see everything. So..." I say before turning to erase everything that is currently on the board. I contemplate for a second trying to figure out what I want to write, before I write three words.

**WE WANT ANSWERS. **

"The cameras are the best way I can think of to send them a message."

"How will you know if they get it?"

I shrug. "We just have to wait." I cap the marker and set it down on the desk. "And I know that we hate the waiting...I hated waiting for this meeting, but there's not really anything else we can do right now. This is it. And because we don't know how much time we have left, make the most of it. Live. We have a chance to do things right this time. Before...we were pushed into the word that Jeanine wanted for us, war. It's different now. There's no one trying to kill us now. We can survive."

I find Tobias's face and can't help but match the smile on his lips. He jerks hjis head to the side and I nod and he gets up and we leave the room together.

"You should be a leader," he tells me as we head down the stairs.

I make a face. "Really?"

"You have a knack for words. They were hanging on every word."

"I was just saying what any of you would say."

"They look to you, you know?" Tobias says. "You're strong and you know how to talk to people."

I look at him as we reach the bottom of the stairs and he opens the door for me. "You really think so?" I ask him.

"Definitely," he says with a grin, pulling me in for a kiss.

"You sure you aren't biased?" I ask.

"If I wasn't in love with you before, you in that meeting made me fall more in love with you."

I kiss him again before he takes my hand and we continue walking. "Do you want to take the train?"

He shakes his head. "I think walking will be good for us," he says. "We have time to live, right?"

"Right."

He squeezes my hand and I can't help but smile at him as we start walking through the city.


	33. Chapter 33

It takes us at least a couple hours to get back to the Dauntless compound. We take our time walking through and exploring the city. I have never really looked at the surroundings of our city, so I never really noticed the simple beauty that was the Abnegation sector. And that had been my home for sixteen the time that we get back, visiting day of long over and the initiates are back in their dorms or getting more tattoos. Anything that would make them look like Dauntless. I feel a little jealous for this group of initiates. They get to experience initiation the way that I wish that I had. They don't have Eric breathing down their necks making them feel like they need to kill each other for a spot to stay. We weren't kicking anyone out this time. They all have an equal chance to do things the way that they want. The only way they would become factionless if they left of their own accord or if they did something that went against the values of being Dauntless.

We stop by the cafeteria to get a quick bite before heading back up to Tobias' room. This is one of the few places in the compound that I feel extremely safe. I've always felt safe here, even that first time when Tobias saved me from Peter, Drew and Al. It was a completely different time then. I love the way that things are now. I'm no longer afraid of not knowing who I am and what I want. I know who I am now, and even though I'm a little unsure of what I am, I still have my life back. I have Tobias back and he has me. I have never had to deal with losing Tobias. I didn't have to go through what he went through after I had been shot. I wish that I could take the pain that he felt away because I can't even stand to think about it. But I'm sure he still has that memory. And since we don't even know how long we're going to be here, it's probably something he thinks about all of the time.

We're standing side by side on the balcony looking out at the city. This city has always been my home. Even if the last few months that I remember, I spent trying to find a way out. This place is home. Even though Jeanine didn't know what was going on like I had counted on, I still feel like a weight had been lifted off of my chest. I can breathe a little easier now. Waiting for the meeting had been the worst part for me, because I think that I had been bracing myself for bad news, but no news is better than bad news right? We're all waiting again, but I feel more in charge now. We are waiting for them to get back to us with response.

"What's on your mind?" Tobias asks me.

I look over at him and let out a breath. "What if they don't answer?"

"Then they don't answer," he says. "We just live."

I close my eyes and rest my head against his shoulder. He presses a kiss against my head and wraps an arm around my waist. "Living doesn't sound too bad."

He chuckles."No it doesn't," he says. "How do you see your life going for the next few months?"

"Hmm," I say, returning my gaze to the horizon. "I see us finishing up with the initiates, for one thing. And hopefully starting a job here at the compound. I don't know what I'm good at here. I was never given a chance to figure that out. Things happened so fast after the final test last year."

"They'll be something for you," he says. "Maybe I can teach you how to use a computer."

I nod. "Maybe, That is something that I really want to learn," I say. "God it feels weird to be back here, doesn't it?"

I feel him nod. "I never expected to be back here," he says. "Not after everything that we've been through together. Here and outside of the city. We've been through so much."

He voice catches and I look up at him. "Are you okay?" I ask him.

He takes a breath and looks down at me. "Yeah," he says. "It's moments like these that I missed the most when you I lost you. Just talking about the future, planning a future. It's just...I never thought I'd get the chance again."

I shake my head slowly and stand on my toes to press my lips against his. He rests his hands on my hips and holds me in place. We stay that like for several moments, our bodies melding together. I don't want to let go. But eventually I have to catch my breath and I fall back on my heels. I rest my head flat against his chest, closing my eyes, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. He rests his chin on my head.

"I like this side of you," I tell him.

"You like me emotional?" he asks, amused.

"I like you honest."

"I'm always honest," He says.

I look up at him and raise an eyebrow.

"Well about most things," he says. "And always to you."

"Uh-huh," I say before laying my head back down. "How do you see your life going?"

"Well," he says slowly, his hands rubbing my back. "I just see us."

His words bring a smile to my lips and I tug on his shirt to pull him down so that I can kiss him. His hands move to my hips to lift me up and I wrap my legs around him, my kiss growing hungrier. He groans against my lips and the sound sends a chill through my body. I pull away and meet his eyes.

"Inside," I tell him, my lips brushing against his as I speak.

He doesn't waist any time getting us inside and onto the bed. We work quickly to rid ourselves out of clothes and then get back to kissing. His hands run over my bare skin, leaving goose bumps in the wake of his fingers. I move my lips to his neck, my fingers running through his hair as his hand moves between my legs. I let out a gasp as he pushes his finger into me, causing me to arch my body up into his . I nibble on his neck before moving my lips back up to his, kissing him eagerly. His thumb finds the sensitive nub, circling it gently as his fingers began to move faster inside of me.

I press my body tighter against his, my hips rocking against the motion of his hand. He moves his free hand up my side and begins the same motions on my breast, his thumb flicking my nipple as he kisses me. I move faster against his hand, gasps passing through my lips and hitting his tongue. He groans and pulls his hand away and I use the time to catch my breath. I don't have long before he enters me, another groan leaving his lips. He enters me fully before pulling out slowly and then repeats the motion, picking up the pace with every thrust.

My heart is pounding in my chest as the two of us move together, perfectly, in sync. I don't think I've been happier.


	34. Chapter 34

The next morning Tobias and I leave the room earlier than normal to head down to the Pit. I haven't exactly done a lot of training in the past few days and my body sort of misses the burn. I don't know what is coming for us or what is going to happen now that the Bureau knows that we are aware. Or maybe they have always known that we were aware. Maybe that was the plan. Maybe it's the reason we know everything that happened...to give us a second chance. A second chance to bring the city back to what it once was. I don't know how everything is going to work itself out again. Or even if it's possible to get that back. Sure, the rest of the city has no idea what had gone on last year, they're clueless. But the rest of us that have our memories? It's hard to just let something like that go. We've been given a second chance and it would be nice to enjoy it, but I don't know how. I don't know what to do. So Tobias heads to the cafeteria to get some food and I continue on down to the Pit.

My eyes find the punching bag hanging from the ceiling and I feel a sense of ease rush through me as I know that this is what I have needed. Something to hit, a way to let out my emotions. To just...get it all out. I grab some chalk and rub it over my hands as I step toward the hanging mass. I shake out my hands to wake up the muscles in my arms before taking the first punch. The muscles scream with pain as the impact sends a jolt up my arm and the rest of my body begins to wake up as the adrenaline spreads through my body.

Just the one hit was enough for me to ignore everything else. I put all I had into the momentum it took to slam m firsts into the bag. I don't know how long I stood there swinging, but before I knew it, arms were pulling me back and I fell against Tobias' chest. There was this strange noise coming from my throat and it took me a moment to realize that they were tears. I didn't know I could sound like that. I lifted a hand to wipe the tears away, but when I saw how bloody my fists were, I stopped. I fell back against his chest as he held me against him.

"You're okay," he says, his voice soothing and I listen to the sound of voice and try to match my breaths to his.

It takes me a bit, but eventually I am able to talk. "I'm sorry," I tell him.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" he asks me shaking his head.

I swallow and shake my head. "I don't know...everything?"

He presses a kiss to my forehead as he steps away to go get a towel. He dunks it in the water cooler before coming back over to me and pressing it to my fists. A hiss escapes my lungs as I feel a different kind of sting with the cold. I look up at him. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he tells me. "Nothing at all."

I suck in my cheeks and then nod. "Yeah, I know," I tell him. "It's just...it's been so difficult."

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses it softly. "I know," he says. He wraps bandages around my knuckles before tossing the now bloody towel aside. We go sit on the mat and I rest my head on his shoulder. "You've never really had time to relax here. From day one everything has been so stressful. Training, the war, the Bureau. There was nothing to control."

"What if I'm not cut out for it?"

"Cut out for what?"

"Relaxation."

He laughs and it makes me look up at him. "What?" he asks, his smile lighting up his features.

"It's so easy for you."

His eyebrows come together on his head. "No it's not," he tells me. "It definitely isn't."

"Then why don't I ever see you stressing out?"

"Honestly?'

I nod.

"It's because it's not stressful to me," He says. "I've told you how bad it was for me when I found out that you had died. I was a mess. Complete and total mess. But you're here now. And like you said, we don't know for how long or when it's going to end, but we've got this time together. And that doesn't stress me out." I stare up at him and shake my head slowly. He smiles at me. "What?"

"Nothing," I tell him before standing on my toes to press my lips to his. "I love you, you know."

"I know," he replies against my lips.

I shove him off and go over to get some water. He follows me and I can hear him chuckling.

"I love you, too, I mean," he says.

I narrow my eyes at him and I take a drink.

"In all seriousness though," He says taking one of my hands. "We're going to be okay."

"Promise?"

He shakes his head. "I can't promise anything, especially when we don't know everything that's going on. But I can promise to you that I'll be here for everything. I'm not going anywhere."

I nod and set my cup down. I reach up and place my hands on his shoulders, taking a step closer. He puts his hands on my waist. "Okay," I say.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I will try to relax."

He grins at me. "Good," he says before leaning down and kisses me.

"That's sweet," a voice says from behind us.

It doesn't take my turning around to know who it is. It's Peter. I haven't really been in a room with him since he held a knife to my throat. I start to turn around, but Tobias is already moving.

"What are you doing here?" Tobias asks, his voice hard.

I look down at his fists and they're clenched. He's going to hit him. Or he wants to. I move after him and grab onto one of his hands to try to calm him. Peter looks over at me, the smirk on his face making me feel sick.

"Oh, I'm just passing through," he says. "Is that a crime?"

"Shouldn't you be working?" I ask him.

"I've got a little bit of free time," Peter says. "I spoke to Eric."

I tense and my eyes search his face for what he knows. What could have spoken to Eric about? Peter doesn't remember what happened. And even then, Eric doesn't really have all of the information. But from what he said at the meeting, could he be trying to gather people to take them down? But why would he want that? Going after them could end up killing all of us again.

"What did he tell you?" Tobias asks. It's a good thing that he spoke because I couldn't find the words just yet. My mind was going a million miles a minute.

"He told me that my assignment had changed," Peter says with a grin. "Said that you guys need some help."

That snaps me out of my own mind. "Are you kidding?" I ask. "We don't need you. And we most certainly don't want you around here."

"I don't think you guys have that kind of authority."

I scoff and pull my hand from Tobias. "We'll see about that."

"Tris where are you going?" Tobias asks.

I shake my head and walk out of the Pit. I don't know where Eric is normally at this time, so I just head for the cafeteria. Normal people eat breakfast right? Eric is certainly not normal, but he's got to keep up appearances. He's no longer the scariest person that I have to deal with it. I see him as soon as I enter and I start toward him.

"Eric!"

He looks up, surprised that I would cause a scene. I stop in front of him and I try my best not to let his hard stare look at me. "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you told Peter that we need help."

"Because you do."

"No we don't," I tell him. "We've been doing just fine without anyone helping us out."

"You're not teaching them how to be Dauntless."

"Oh, you mean your definition of Dauntless? Kicking the shit out of someone until they black out?" I ask. "Oh yeah, that's really brave."

"Why do you think you can talk to me like this?"

"You know why," I tell him. "Find Peter another assignment."

"Or what?"

"Just do it," I tell him. "I don't need anything else to worry about right now. So just…back off, okay?"

He stares at me, his jaw clenched. He doesn't say anything for a few moments, but then he nods. "Okay."

His answer surprises me. "What?"

"I said okay," Eric says. "Do you need me to repeat it?"

"Uh…no," I tell him. "Thanks."

I don't waste any time to leave the cafeteria. I don't know what came over me or why I thought it was a good idea to stand up to Eric like that in front of everyone, but I did. And I think that makes me kind of Dauntless. I turn the corner to head back to the Pit and stop when I see Tobias looking at me, his eyebrows raised.

"Oh…hey," I tell him.

He grins at me. "What was that?" he asks, gesturing toward the cafeteria.

"Just you know…talking with a fellow Dauntless."

"You need to be careful with him."

"I'm not afraid of him, Tobias."

"Yeah, I know," he says. "That's what worries me."

"You don't need to be worried," I tell him. "I'm good, I promise."

He lets out a breath and shakes his head. "Alright then," he says. "Shall we head back down then?"

I nod. "Yeah, that would probably be good."


	35. Chapter 35

I am glad for the distraction when we get down to training. I am glad to have something to focus on other than myself. I have to make sure that these initiates get the right type of training so that Eric won't be right. We're not doing a bad job, no matter what Eric thinks. Even though I have only been trained the way that Eric prefers, I have a general sense of understanding of what to do and how to do it. I will do my best not to let any of them down.

So I'm a little disappointed when training is over for the day, I start to help clean up, but stop when I catch Tobias looking at me. He's been watching me with the same curious expression all morning and even though I have a feeling about what it's about, I can't help myself. I have to ask.

"What?"

"Nothing," he says with a smirk.

"There's obviously something."

"I'm just...wondering what came over you earlier."

"You mean with Eric?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know," I answer honestly. "I think maybe it was just the whole thing hitting me. And we've been under so much pressure and stress the last few days that Eric trying to control this one thing that I have, it tipped the scales."

He crosses to me and takes my hands. "You can talk to me, you know," he says. "If it gets to be too much for you."

I shake my head. "I can't weight you down with everything," I say. "It's not fair to you."

"You and me, we're in this together," he says. "You can tell me anything."

"I know...and I want to."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because there are just some things that I need to do on my own."

He raises a brow at me. "Last time you wanted to do something on your own, you nearly, no you _actually _died, Tris."

"That was a long time ago."

"Not that long ago, actually."

I let out a breath. "Can you just..." I stop and look up at him. He's waiting for me to finish my sentence, but to be quite honest, I have no idea where I was going with it. So instead, I just stand on my toes and press my lips to his. It distracts him for a few moments and he kisses me back, hungrily before he groans and pushes me away.

"That's not fair."

"What?"

He narrows his eyes at me. "Don't mess with me, Tris," he says. "Are you keeping things from me?"

"No!" I exclaim. "I promise. No secrets. Ever again."

"Alright," he says brushing some hair behind my ear. "So what's up? Who do you need to talk to?"

"Christina," I say.

He nods. "Okay," he says. "Go. I'll be fine on my own."

"I know," I tell him. "Just try to relax. Do something for yourself. Get another tattoo, something; anything."

He grins at me. "Don't worry," he tells me. "I can stay busy until you come back."

I stand on my toes and kiss him again before leaving the Pit. Part of me will always feel guilty, even when there's nothing to feel guilty about. Because the choices that I've made in the past, have led me here. They have affected everyone around me and by no fault of their own, they all stood by me. I don't know why they stick around when I make bad decisions, but they do. And I am so grateful that they love me enough to go through all of this shit with me. I head up to the cafeteria to find Christina. And when I spot her sitting with Will, I head for their table.

"Hey," I say.

They look up at me, in unison, and that's when I actually realize it. They are perfect together. Maybe before I didn't realize just how well they worked together, but they were just...good together. I wouldn't have thought that it was love because we didn't have much time together during training, but neither did me and Tobias, but we fell in love. Even before war broke out, I was in love with him. I can't keep the smile off of my face.

"What's up?" Christina asks taking a drink.

"Can we go somewhere? I ask her. "And talk?"

"Should I be worried?" Will asks.

"No," I say quickly, shaking my head. "I just want an hour or so to catch up with my best friend."

"Then by all means," Will grins.

"When?" Christina asks.

"Now?"

"Okay," she says leaning over to kiss Will's cheek. ."I'll see you later."

"I'll be here."

She and I walk out of the cafeteria together and she turns to look at me. "Where'd you want to go?" she asks.

"I'm not sure," I tell her. "I didn't really have a plan."

"Do you want to leave the compound?"

I shrug, I'm not even sure what I want to talk to her about. I just know that I need time alone with her.

"I feel like we could both use some fresh air," Christina says. "The train maybe?"

"Sounds good to me."

We head down the stairs to the exit, just catching the train as it's leaving. We jump on, and I don't plan to get off and actually go anywhere, so I sit down and rest my back against one of the walls. Christina sits across from me.

We are silent as the train rolls down the tracks, the monotonous sound lull my feelings of unease. Even if everything else falls apart in my life, I know that I will always have the train. The train will always run through the city. I turn to look at her. "How have you been?"

She smiles. "Good," she says. "I've been really good."

"Yeah?"

She nods. "Ever since Will came back..."

"I didn't know you felt that strongly," I say. "That the sight of Will could restart everything."

"Me neither," she says. "It was just...seeing him come into the cafeteria that day; everything came rushing back so quickly. I love him."

I don't have any doubts about her feelings for Will, or his feelings for her. I'm sure that if it wasn't real then her memories wouldn't have come back. Her love for Will was that powerful of an emotion. It saved her and it saved our friendship. I know how that type of love works. It's the type of love that I have with Tobias. But I never thought that it had happened between Christina and Will. But that's probably due to the fact I paid more attention to surviving and Tobias. I needed to be a better friend.

"I'm happy for you," I say. "I'm really happy for you."

Christina smiles at me before crawling to my side of the train and sitting next to me "How are you?"

"I'm fine." I turn to look at her. "Why would you ask?"

She raises a brow at me. "Don't try that with me, Tris," she says. "Talk to me. Isn't that why we're here?"

I sigh and rest my head on her shoulder. "Yeah," I say. "I just…it's hard to talk about."

"Just say something. Anything," she says. "We can always go jump off a building if you want."

I shake my head and laugh. "I missed you."

"I missed you more," Christina says. "When we lost you…"

"No," I say. "Don't go there."

"I have to say this," she says. "We were in a bad place. All of us. We didn't know what we were doing or what to do next."

"But you guys figured it out."

"I couldn't tell you what we did," she says. "I don't really remember much after I stopped Tobias from taking the memory serum. It's like I woke up here."

"Yeah," I say. "That's seems to be the general consensus. I don't remember much after David shot me."

"I don't blame you."

"But you promise you're fine?" I ask.

"I promise," she says. "Looking back, it was just weird to think that Tobias and I could ever be in a relationship like that. I can't image how you felt when you saw us together."

"Probably the way you felt when you found out about the two of us."

"Well that wasn't really me who yelled at you," she tells me.

"So you don't think that I've always been jealous of you?"

She laughs. "God no," she says. "If anything, it's been me who was jealous of you."

"Shut up."

"I'm serious," Christina says. "It was like nothing could bring you down. Hell, Eric kicked you out, but you refused to let that bother you."

"I couldn't let it end like that," I say. "It wasn't fair."

"Nothing Eric did was fair."

"I don't know if we can trust him," I tell her. "Sure he seems to be on our side now, but it's just…everything's changing and it's not like we can forgive what he did before. He did some terrible things."

"We've all done terrible things," Christina says. "But whatever this is, it gave everyone a second chance. Not just those who deserved it. Maybe it'll be easier now."

"When did you get so smart?"

She grins. "Must have been in that missing year or something."

"So what now?"

"Do you want to keep riding the train until we get back home?"

I look out of the open door and see that the Erudite headquarters are coming up soon. I feel a sharp pain as I remember Caleb. My brother; whom we've forgotten about, all this time. I don't know where he stands or what he remembers. But either way, I have to go see him, at least to give my parents some peace of mind.

"Can we go see Caleb?"

"Does he know?"

I shrug. "I don't know what he knows," I say. "But I have to find out."

"You don't want to go with Tobias?"

"We're already here," I tell her. "I need to know that he's okay."

She stands and helps me to my feet. "Then we go see Caleb."

I grin at her and take a breath before jumping out of the moving train.


	36. Chapter 36

I don't know if hopping off of the train to head to Erudite headquarters is actually the best idea. I'm sure that when I get back to the compound Tobias will not be too pleased with me taking this risk. After the last risk that I took by myself I died. But this time, I'm not alone. I have Christina. And even though we don't have any weapons to protect us for whatever will come at us when we walk through the doors, I'm sure that we can handle our own. Before jumping, I figured that things would be safe. Things are different this time, I'm sure of it. There is no impending war and no issues between the Abnegation and the Erudite. But I don't know how the relationships are between the other factions and Dauntless.

Christina looks over at me as we walk toward the intimidating building and I offer her a smile.

"It's going to be okay, Tris," she tells me.

"I hope you're right," I tell her as we walk through the glass doors. People look up at us as we enter, startled by our black attire and I have to remind myself that this isn't like the first time I came here to see my brother. I am not just an initiate anymore, and right now the only thing that I have to worry about is the Bureau and what they could possibly do to us.

"Do you know where he'd be?" Christina asks.

"Not a clue," I tell her as we walk toward a front desk.

"Can I help you?" A woman asks us, barely looking up at us from her computer.

"Where is Caleb Prior?" I ask her.

She looks up at me, her eyes wide as she takes in the clothes that I am wearing. She purses her lips and looks back at her computer, typing quickly. After a moment she glances back up. "He'll be right down."

I offer her the same cold smile as I lead Christina over to the steps as we wait for my brother to appear. Christina looks nervous as she keeps glancing around the area, trying to make sure that nothing will catch us off guard. I admire her ability to shut things out and maintain that steel-like persona that is what Dauntless is made up of. I wonder if the people that they were within the last year before they got their memories back, if they are still there. If those personalities still exist within them, was it a temporary fix? Were they prone to go back to the people that they were before? I don't even want to think about Tobias going back to the way he had treated me before his memory came back. I mean, after the first kiss everything was fine, but the way he had looked at me that first time…I shiver at the memory.

"Tris?"

We look up and I immediately relax when I see my brother. I don't know what he remembers or what he knows, but I am glad to see him. I climb the steps between us and throw my arms around him.

"Caleb!"

"What's going on?" he asks me. "Are you hurt?"

"No," I answer him.

"Then what are you doing there?" he asks me.

I take a step down and look up at my brother. My suspicions have been confirmed. He isn't the same Caleb that I had said goodbye to, back at the Bureau. I swallow.

"I just…" I stop. I don't even know what I was going to stay. How do I talk to someone who doesn't remember the past? "I just wanted to see that you were okay."

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "I guess there's no reason."

He sighs. "You shouldn't have come here," he says. "Who's this?'

I feel Christina stiffen at the accidental snub. Of course he doesn't have a clue who she is. In his mind, they never met. I swallow. "This is Christina. She's my friend."

He offers her a kind smile, the Abnegation quality always there for him. "I have to get back to work," he tells me. "If there's nothing else?"

He looks at me expectantly and I shake my head, giving him a quick smile. "No," I say. "There's nothing else."

"Goodbye, Tris."

He nods at Christina before heading back up the steps and I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I take a breath before Christina takes my arm and we walk out of the building together. We walk in silence together toward the train.

"I don't know whether or not I'm offended about him not knowing who I am," Christina says. "He and I spent a lot of time together when we were at the Bureau."

"I wouldn't take it personally," I tell her. "Part of me felt like he didn't even know me."

"Are you okay?" she asks me once we get to the top.

I nod. "Yeah," I say. "I guess. I mean, I don't really know what I was expecting, really. He's like everyone else. They don't have memories of the last year, and in a way, that's a good thing. The shit that happened last year was crazy. If I had a choice, I wouldn't remember the devastation that went on."

"What do you mean?" Christina asks. "You'd really give up the memories? Didn't it all bring you and Tobias closer together?"

I sigh. "You're right," I tell her. "You're always right."

She grins and nudges me as the train comes our way. "You're damn right."

She looks over at me as we ride the train back toward the Dauntless compound and I feel nervous heading back. I am now one hundred percent sure that I will be getting a talking to fro Tobias. I told him that I would be going to talk to Christina, but I didn't tell him we'd be leaving the compound. Even with the city being safer to wander now, I think it still worries him that I'll be in danger.

"I don't think Tobias will be too happy that we went to Erudite without him," Christina says reading my thoughts.

"I know," I tell her. "Will you protect me?"

She grins. "Even if I could take him, I wouldn't get involved in that."

"Well here goes nothing," I say as I jump from the train onto the rooftop. I wait until Christina joins me before heading to the ledge. "You first," I tell her.

Christina all too willingly obliges, letting out a cheer as she falls down toward the net. I wait the normal amount of time before jumping after her. When my body stops on the net, warm hands wrap around my wrists and pull me to my feet. I do my best to avoid his gaze and I straighten out my shirt.

"Tris." His voice is stern.

I glance up. "Oh hey," I say with a smile. "Thanks for your help."

He narrows his eyes at me. "Where'd you go?"

I bite my lip. "How long have you been waiting?"

"Two hours," he says. "I caught up with Will after you left and he told me that you guys left the compound."

"I didn't know that that wasn't allowed."

"Where'd you go?" He repeats.

I look away, trying to bide my time, but it's hard to do when I can feel his gaze on me. My skin grows hot. "To Erudite," I mutter under my breath.

"What?" His voice is even, calm. Too calm.

"I went to see Caleb."

His teeth are clenched and I can see the muscle pulsing in his jaw. "I see."

"Don't be angry," I tell him, reaching out to take his hand. I'm lucky that he doesn't pull away from me. "I wasn't alone. I was with Christina. Besides, it's not like we were in any danger."

"You can't possibly know that."

"I didn't think that Jeanine would try to sic her dogs on us, if that's what you were worried about."

"It's not just her anymore, Tris," Tobias says. "We have to worry about the Bureau now. What if they take you away from me?"

I stare at him, my eyes wide. He sounds completely vulnerable. I hadn't even considered the threat that the people from the Bureau are to us. To all of us that have come back. I swallow taking a step toward him. "I'm sorry," I tell him. His eye are shut, and I know that he's trying to calm down, but the subject is tense for him. I stand on my toes to press my lips to his, trying to help with the process. "I'm sorry," I repeat.

He wraps his arms around me. "I just worry."

"I wish I could tell you not to worry, but I'm a fish out of water here. I don't know what we're even supposed to be looking for in terms of clues or answers."

He kisses me head. "How was Caleb?" He asks me.

"The same as everyone else," I say, my voice bitter. "He didn't even know Christina."

"I bet she didn't take that well."

"She didn't," I say with a smile. "It was a bad idea going there on our own, I know that. I just had to be sure."

"Sure that he was safe?"

I nod. "Can we go back to the room?" I ask him. "I'm beat."

He grins and kisses me cheek before tugging on my arm and pulling me onto his back. "This should help."

"What are you doing?" I ask him, unable to keep the giggle out of my voice.

"Doing you a courtesy," he says, hopping down from the platform and heading in the direction of his room. Our room now, I guess.

"So you're not mad at me?" I ask him, tentatively.

He shakes his head. "A little upset, a lot worried, but it's passing."

"Good," I say, pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. "I don't like it when you worry."

"Worry is a constant emotion when it comes to you, Tris," he says. "After the last time, I can't stop worrying."

"I'm here," I tell him. "And I'm fine."

"I just can't lose you again."

"You won't," I tell him. But even I'm not sure about that. I don't know what answers the Bureau will have for us. Will they come take us away, or is this supposed to be a gift? A second chance? Either way, I can't let Tobias know about my doubts because if he knows that I'm not one hundred percent sure, I don't know what that will do to him.

"I love you," he says turning his head and pressing a kiss to my hand.

"I love you."


	37. Chapter 37

There is complete darkness covering me. I can't see and I can barely breathe. I try to move my hands, but something is keeping me in place. My heart starts to race in my chest. What is this? Is this my death? Have the last few weeks been some kind of dream?

_"Tris…" _

_"Tris…."_

I hear my mother's voice calling out to me. She's laughing.

"_Tris, please,"_ she says. _"Be careful."_

My breath catches in my throat. I open my mouth to call out for her, but something is covering my lips and I can't move them. My eyes sting as tears spill down my cheeks.

_"Tris, be careful."_

I hear a child laughing and my body stills in fear. What is this?

_"Look mommy, I did it!"_

Is that…me?

Something clicks and the noise is gone. I strain my ears to hear something, anything, to hear my mother calling out for me. Hands are on my face and tugs on something on the back of my head. I squint as light surrounds me. No. No…this can't be happening. I look down and see that my hands are restrained in cuffs and there is something gagging me.

There is movement out of the corner of my eye and I freeze.

"Welcome back to the Bureau, Ms. Prior."

I don't remember being scared of anyone the way that he scares me. David rolls toward me in his wheelchair and I press myself back against whatever is holding to up. But it's no use, I cannot shrink back against him. On the wall behind him is a video of me as a child playing in my childhood home with my mother. She looks so happy here. I don't remember this. All I remember growing up is the Abnegation lifestyle. Service others. This is new…I don't remember her like this.

How did I get here?" What am I doing there? What do they want with me?

"You're probably curious as to what you're doing there," he says glancing up at the screen. His face softens and I feel sick when I recall his obsessive love for my mother. Is that what this is? Revenge? He clicks a button and suddenly on the screen is the group of us in the Erudite building. The words "WE WANT ANSWERS" are written behind me. My voice comes through, strong and powerful and I don't recognize myself. How does a girl that small instill hope in people so easily? How is it that those people trust me?

The screen freezes and I am forced to look back at David. He is scowling at me. "You couldn't leave well enough alone, could you?" he says. "You were back where you belonged, a second chance, the whole thing, but you had to bring them together, didn't you?"

I have no idea what he's talking about. I want to ask him so many things, but I am unable to speak due to the gag in my mouth. So I stare at him, with what I hope are questioning eyes. The door opens and I see Matthew enter the room carrying a…very large needle.

"Hi, Tris," he says with a smile. What is he doing here? "Welcome back to life."

I swallow nervously, unable to look at anything other than the device in his hands. "Mmm-hmm," is all I can get out.

"I apologize for that," David says. "Take that infernal thing off of her, would you?"

Matthew steps toward me and tugs the gag out of my mouth. "What am I doing there?" I ask, my voice is raspy due to disuse, but I need to know.

"You wanted answers," David says. "You were so curious that you brought everyone together to figure out the truth."

"You brought people back from the dead, David," I say. "We just want to know to what extent."

"To what extent?" he asks, chuckling. "My dear girl, what reason do you think?"

I stare at him. And then I remember. "Did you do this all for my mother?" I ask him, disgusted. He doesn't say anything so I continue speaking. "You brought her back so that she would be with you?"

He shakes his head. "No," he says. "We're trying to fix things."

"You fix things by changing how people respond, not by bringing people to life again!"

"Would you rather you and all of your friends die again?" David asks. "Because that could certainly be arranged.

Panic spreads through my entire body. "No!" I say. "No. I just…I want to know what it is you want in return."

A smile spreads across David's features. He nods at Matthew who comes toward me and wipes something cold against my arm. "That is what you're here for."

"What are you talking about?"

"You brought them all together," he says. "They know now that their reincarnation is due to in large part to the United States government. And obviously some of those friends of yours know where we are and how to find us, but we can't take that risk."

"So what are you going to do?"

"We made a mistake last time," David says. "Sending you in there with your memory intact, all the information about who we are and what we've done still rattled around in that curious brain of yours. "We're not taking any chances now."

My heartrate beings to pick up as I finally understand what he is trying to say. What he is going to do to me. "You can't," I say. "I'm immune…my genes…"

"That's why Matthew is here," David says. Matthew grins. What the hell happened to him since the last time I saw him? Did David get to him too? "We had your DNA from before, put it away for safekeeping just in case something like this happened. He worked through your genomes and created the perfect concoction of memory serum that works on your genetic makeup."

"You're going to take everything away from me?" I whisper, horrified.

"I'm taking away everything that matters to you," he sneers, nodding at Matthew. I wince as he pushes the needle into my skin. "Your life, your friends, your lover. The only thing that you are going to remember is your name, your family and how you're a leader at Dauntless.

"No," I plead. But the serum is already making its way through my blood stream, making me dizzy, taking away everything that I love.

"You should have left it alone, Tris." David says.

"Please don't do this," I tell him.

"It's already done."

I wake up in my bed, groaning, checking the time. I still have an hour before Four and I are supposed to start training. I hear knocking on my door and I sigh, pushing my covers off me.

"Keep your shirt on!" I snap as I make my way to the door.

Four is staring down at me, his eyes wide with worry? I glare at him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him running my fingers through my hair. "I have to shower and get some breakfast before training."

"Where have you been?" he asks, his voice quiet.

"What are you talking about?" I ask. "I've been sleeping. Like a normal person."

"You've been gone three days, Tris."

I roll my eyes. "Listen, Four, I have no idea what you're talking about," I say. "I'll see you down in the Pit. In an hour."

I shut the door on him and chew on my lip. Three days? Why the hell would he think that I was gone for three days? And why the hell was he looking at me like that?


	38. Chapter 38

After showering and getting dressed, I make my way down to the cafeteria to get a muffin and some juice before heading to the Pit for training. I can't stop thinking about the way that Four was looking at me. It stirred something in me that I hadn't felt since I had seen him for the first time. And then everything changed once training started. He hated me…and for no reason other than what faction I had come from.

I see Christina with Will and Four and they look at me when I walk in. They've stopped talking, and I don't know what they've been talking about, but part of me makes me believe that it's about me. But I have no idea why they'd be doing that. I mean, we lost the connection that we had during our own initiation. They were in love and I hated feeling like a third wheel around them. If Al had stuck it out with us, I think something could have happened, but I couldn't have forgiven him for almost throwing me over the chasm with Peter and Drew. But some days, I find myself regretting the things that I said to Al. Maybe he'd still be here and I wouldn't be quite so lonely.

I turn my gaze away from them and sit down at Eric's table. He looks at me curiously as I sit down.

"What are you doing?" he asks me, his voice harsh.

"What, I can't sit here?" I challenge him.

He narrow his eyes and looks over my shoulder in the direction of Four and the others from my initiation class. "You and lover-boy get into a fight or something?

I pause with the cup of juice halfway to my mouth. "Excuse me?"

"Why aren't you sitting with him?" He nods behind me and I turn to see Four standing just a few feet away, studying the two of us.

I snort as I turn back to look at Eric. "Lover-boy…yeah right."

What the hells has gotten into people? I chew on my muffin as I turn toward the door as more and more people enter for breakfast. Eric clears his throat so I turn back to look at him.

"So, you were gone for three days," he says. "Max isn't too pleased about that."

I cock my head to the side. "What are you even talking about?" I snap at him. "Both you and Four have talked about me being gone for three days and I haven't even gone anywhere. Have you guys been drinking by the chasm or something?"

Eric leans forward. "You were gone for three days, Tris. This isn't a game or a lie or whatever you think it is. You were gone and leadership just wants to know where you've been."

"I've been here," I tell him, my voice even.

He nods, but I can tell that he doesn't believe me. "Okay," He says. "Whatever you say."

I roll my eyes as I get up and leave the cafeteria. It's not long after that I hear footsteps following me. I turn and let out a sound of annoyance when I see that it's Four.

"Please don't try to tell me I've been gone," I tell him. "You and Eric…you've got brain damage or something."

"Tris, please," he says.

His long legs make it easy for him to catch up with me and soon enough I'm struggling to match his steps.

"Please, what?" I ask him. "You were horrible to me during initiation and suddenly you think we're best friends? I don't know if this is some kind of game to you, Four, but you can't just show up out of nowhere and look at me like that."

He stops and stares at me and I stop too, just to prove my point. Initiation had been brutal last year. I struggled more than anyone could struggle and instead of helping me, or trying to assist me; Four treated me worse than he treated anyone else. And I had thought grey was just a color. But I was deeply mistaken.

"What…what are you talking about, horrible to you?"

"Like you don't remember," I scoff. "You and Eric treated me like I was some stupid little girl from Abnegation and in case you _don't_ remember, I ended up in the hospital a lot."

He shakes his head slowly. "That's not how it went, Tris. What the hell are you talking about?"

I cross my arms over my chest. "You're kidding, right?" My voice echoes against the stone walls surrounding us. "You couldn't wait to get me out of that group. You would have been better off if I became factionless."

"I don't want that," he says. He sounds completely sincere. I don't know what's changed and I don't know if I should even believe him. "I've never wanted that for you."

"Yeah," I say. "Well…I don't know why you're even bothering to talk to me now. Working with you on this initiation class has been nearly impossible."

He looks like I've wounded him. "Then why did you agree to do it?"

"Because it's better than working at the Fence…I don't even know any of those guys," I say. Though being completely alone on the fence would probably feel better than being completely alone in the compound.

"Yeah, it's not so great out there," he says.

I'm extremely uncomfortable and nervous. Four and I have never talked like this and I don't know if I like the way his proximity makes me feel. It takes me back to when he helped me off of the net that first day. And the way he spoke to us during dinner that night…he had been so different. He had given me hope that _something_ could transpire between us. But I was a little girl back then. I know better now.

"Yeah," I say.

A couple initiates pass us on the way and give us a confused look. And I realize where I am and who I'm talking to. I can't let myself get sucked into the way that I feel when he looks at me with those eyes of his. I mean, this is Four. This guy was ruthless and scared the shit out of me a year ago. But he always scares me now. What scares me most is how I feel about him.

I shake my head. "It doesn't even matter," I say, clearing my throat.

I turn away from him and follow the initiates down the stairs to the Pit. I can't even look behind me to check if Four is following me because if I look at him, I don't think I'll be able to look away. He doesn't say anything else as we go down the stairs to the Pit. Someone passes me on the way up, and I see them out of the corner of my eye.

"Sorry, Tris."

I stop on the steps and Four nearly runs into me. But I can't bring myself to move. I stare at the retreating figure and I see flashes of Dauntless members pulling his body up from the river when they'd found out he had jumped. I stumble back against the railing as his name leaves my lips.

He turns around, and looks back at me. "You okay, Tris?" Al asks me.

I stare at him and my heart is beating so fast in my chest that I can't breathe. I can't focus on anything but his face. "You shouldn't be here," I tell him. "You're not supposed to be here."

A pained look crosses Al's expression. "I know, I'm supposed to stay away from you," he says. "I'm sorry."

"No," I say quickly running up the steps between us. I stop short because I don't know if this is real or not. "You're really here."

Al looks confused as he glances behind me at Four. "You okay, Tris?" he repeats

I shake my head and fling my arms around his shoulders and hug him. "How are you here right now?" I ask him, tears burning my eyes. "I saw then pull you from the river," I whisper. "You shouldn't even be alive."

"Uh…" Al clears his throat and I pull back from him. "I don't know what to say."

More Dauntless initiates pass us on the stairs. I hastily wipe my tears and shake my head. "Just think about it," I say. "I've got to get to training and then we can talk."

I squeeze his arm and he smiles at me, nodding. "Yeah, definitely," he says. "I'll see you after."

I smile as he heads up the stairs and I turn to look at Four, who is regarding me curiously. I don't know if I like the butterflies his stare is stirring inside of me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks me.

I shake my head. "No," I say. "And even if I did, I wouldn't talk to you. We're not friends, Four."

He sighs. "I know I was horrible, Tris," he says. "But I'd like a chance to make it up to you. To get to know you."

I pause. Could this actually be happening? Could he really want to get to know me for me and it's not just a sick game that the trainers are playing on the innocent Abnegation girl? I shrug, but nod. "Sure," I tell him. "I'll think about it."

I walk past him to head down to the Pit, but I swear I hear him let out a sigh of relief when I do.


	39. Chapter 39

I can't keep Al out my head all throughout training. But it's not just him. It's Four, too. He keeps staring at me and it's hard to concentrate when I know those blue eyes are focused me. And because he's staring, I'm very aware of everything that I'm doing. I can't help but stumble through my demonstrations. I don't know what his problem is. From the way he showed up at my room this morning and then his offering to get to know me…I can't help but think that it's all some kind of joke. He can't really want to talk to me, can he? And what did that sigh mean? Why did he sound relieved that I said I would think about letting him make it up to me? What does any of it even mean?

"Tris."

I mean, if it's a game, I've been pretty good at figuring things out, so maybe I'll be able to tell. I don't know that I've always been good at reading people, per se; figuring out what they've wanted, but growing up in Abnegation trained me in ways that I never thought would be useful here in Dauntless. I spent most of my childhood studying people because it was never acceptable for me to open my mouth. The speak-only-when-spoken-to ideal is a very strong pillar in the Abnegation values. So if he wants to mess with me, I can't let him get under my skin. Though the thought of him under my skin…

"Tris."

I raise my head and see Four staring at me. The Pit has emptied and I've been twirling a knife in my hand for the last ten minutes. Shit. How must I have looked to the initiates? They wouldn't be brave enough to go against their trainer right? No one would say something about how I'm not doing my best to concentrate? I can't risk them moving me to the fence. I would go crazy out there, I just know it.

"Yes, what?" I ask.

"It's lunch," he says, looking at me as if I'm a wounded animal. Where does he get off? "Did you want to go get some food?"

I shake my head. "I'm not really hungry," I say. It's not like I don't appreciate the offer. I just don't think I could keep anything down after the whirlwind of seeing Al. How is he here? How is he alive?

Four is still standing in front of me, that same look on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I tell him. "If you're hungry, you should go. I don't need to be looked after, even if you and Eric think that I do."

"Please stop lumping me with Eric," Four says. "It's…unsetting."

I scoff. "Unsetting how? You two are exactly the same person."

He looks offended. "That's the furthest thing from being true."

"What does that mean?"

"It means exactly what I said, Tris," Four says. "I'm not Eric and Eric is not me."

"You treated me the same."

"I already apologized for that." His voice is softer.

I realize at this point that I'm still holding the knife in my hands and that is probably the reason that he's been looking at me that way the entire time. I put it down on the table and shake my head to clear my thoughts. Yes, that's a good explanation for it. Especially since at the moment I can't think of another reason. I need an answer. And maybe asking Four isn't the best idea, but he's the only one here right now and I don't have anyone else to talk to. I let out a breath.

"Can I ask you a question?"

His eyes are dancing and there's color in his cheeks. Is that…excitement?

"Of course."

"Am I crazy?"

His eyebrows come together on his forehead. "Why would you think that?"

"Al."

He opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but closes it just as fast. Is he unsure how to answer or is he trying to think up a lie?

"What do you remember?"

"What I remember shouldn't be different than what you remember," I tell him, careful not to snap at him. He's answering my questions and after the rough relationship we've had the past year, I don't want to risk him mouthing off or getting pissed at me. Having to train with him is difficult enough as it is. Being in such close proximities has been hard. Especially since this morning…and my body responding to his the way that is has. It's very…unsettling. There's that word again. "Al jumped into the chasm. He killed himself."

"Why?"

His question throws me. "What do you mean why?"

"Why did he kill himself?"

"I don't know," I say. "He didn't exactly leave a note."

He takes another step toward me, so my body reacts and takes a step back. Just because I like him close to me doesn't mean it doesn't freak me out. He notices me reaction, so he stops and looks at me, his lips together in a grim line.

"Think about it, Tris," he says, his voice calm and urging. "Why would he just jump?"

"The stress of testing?" I shrug.

"Think harder." Four's voice is getting more and more eager, excited. Why does he sound like that? And why does he look to happy right now? It's not like we're talking about something amazingly good. This is serious stuff. And because this is serious stuff, I have to concentrate. I have to think about what he's telling me to do. Why did Al jump? Why did Al kill himself?

A memory flashes in my mind of me struggling to breathe as I fight off…someone…at the edge of the chasm. My body is pressed up against the railing and there are hands on my body. My eyes flash open and bile rises in my throat.

"Are you okay?"

I don't respond, because I don't have an answer. And even if I did, would I want to tell Four that I had almost been killed? Actually. He probably knew about it. The same way that Eric knew about Peter stabbing Edward in the eye and did nothing about it. Anger rises within me.

"You knew!" Now I don't care if I snap at him because I'm pissed. Overly-pissed. Even if this is a new memory, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen…right?

He takes a step back from me, holding his hands up to defend himself. "What did I know?" He asks, his voice wary. "What do you remember?"

"You knew what they did to me that night," I say, my voice a harsh whisper. "But you did nothing about it."

Understanding dawns on his face. He drops his hands and shakes his head. "That's not true," he says. "Try to really remember that night."

"Why would I want to think about that night? It was horrible and you did…you did…" I trail off because the scene continues and I see Four knocking the three on their asses, and him taking me back…to his room! What?! I stare at him, open mouthed. "What the fuck?"

He swallows and runs a hand through his hair. "I held back that night," he says. "I could have inflicted more damage on them, but I restrained myself because I though you would look differently at me."

I shake my head. It doesn't feel like _my_ memory. It feels completely alien; not belonging to me. Like a memory implanted in my mind. But the more I think about it, the more I see. I lean against the table, needing the support as my knees start to give out. Four is at my side, supporting me, and leading the way to the bleachers. We sit down together and he pulls his hands from me. I notice my body losing heat as he does, wishing they were still on me. I feel a flush spread through my cheeks at the thought.

"I keep…" I sputter the words out.

"What?"

"I keep having these thoughts and they've come out of nowhere and I don't know if I like them or not."

"What are they?"

I blush a deeper shade of crimson. "I can't tell you."

He doesn't say anything for a few moments. "Can I ask you something?" he asks, using my own words against me. I can't say no, not after what we've just discussed. He saved me from going over the edge and to my certain death that night, the least I can do is hear him out and take him up on his offer at making it up to me.

"Yes."

"Can you not call me Four?"

I turn to look at him, confused. Not call him Four? "What else am I supposed to call you then? I mean, I can't just call you nothing."

The corner of his mouth twitches and I have a strong urge to press my lips there. My eyes go wide and I inwardly chastise myself to get it under control.

"Tobias," he says. "Please call me Tobias."

The name triggers something in my gut and I nod, unable to move my eyes from his.

"Tobias then."


	40. Chapter 40

Tobias. The name repeats itself in my head over and over again. I _know_ that I've heard it before. It's like something is triggering in me, like with the memory of the attack and Four…_Tobias_ coming to my rescue. But the string is dangling too far out that I can't tug on it to get me the complete memory. I can't figure out why I know the name or what it means to me. But the memory is playing on repeat in the back of my mind. How could I forget something like that? It doesn't make any sense to me how an event that big could just be wiped clean. Could it be the trauma of the event that made me forget? How much trauma have I been through? How much could I have forgotten? Is there more to what Tobias has said that could be true? He said that our relationship wasn't the way that I remember it. That he didn't make my life miserable. But if that's the case, then why do I see it that way? Why am I so intimidated by him?

I leave the Pit at the end of the day, escaping from the probing dark blue eyes that have confused me for the entire morning. I hear him call out after me, and hearing my name on his lips causes my body to tingle again. The sensations makes it hard to breathe. But I continue forward, practically running up the steps to the cafeteria. I stop in the hallway just outside the doors because I see Al sitting with Christina and Will. And I don't know what to do.

I had been so looking forward to talking to him and in complete shock that Al was alive and here and I couldn't believe it. But now? I have the memory, and I know what he did to me. Or rather, what he tried to do. I know why he jumped, but it's not my fault. I can't walk in there and pretend like everything is okay between us because…it's not. He's still Al, and even though he's here and alive…with no explanation, I can't bring myself to forgive him. Everyone gets scared now and again, but that doesn't mean you team up with one of the most sadistic guys in the bunch and try to kill the person you call a friend. Life doesn't work that way. At least, that's not how I was raised in Abnegation.

"Tris?"

I look up and see Tobias coming toward me, his head tilted to the side ever so slightly, his eyes wary. "Are you going in for dinner?"

I swallow, not sure of my plan. I glance back at the table and see that Al has now spotted me, a boyish grin on his face. He's waving me toward them, and Christina is looking at me, with a raised eyebrow.

"Does she know?" I ask, my voice quiet, unable to tear my eyes from her.

"About what Al did?" Tobias asks.

I nod, my voice caught in my throat.

"Yes."

I let out a breath. "What do I do?" I ask. "I can't sit there. I can't even…_think_ about being next to him." I lift my arm and see goosebumps. "Look at this. Bodies don't react this way unless you're scared."

"Fear is not the only emotion that your body reacts to," he says, his voice low.

And I feel it down to the soles of my feet. I take in a shaky breath, because my body has already reacted to his voice and where he's standing. I have taken a step toward him, my eyes on his face, my teeth biting down on my lower lip. What am I doing? What is going on?"

"I think I'll have to skip dinner tonight," I say quietly. "Or all meals."

"You're going to stop eating just to avoid Al?"

"I don't see any other way around it."

There is a ghost of a smile on his lips. "You don't have to stop eating because you're scared, Tris. I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why would you make that promise?"

"Because I care about you."

I stiffen. "What?"

"Surely you must have figured that out by now," he says. "If you haven't, I'm obviously not doing a very good job."

"A good job at what?"

"Flirting." He reaches up and brushes my hair behind my ear. My body feels like it catches fire at his touch. I am almost panting at this point. "Stay here, I'll go get us some food."

I watch him go, my mouth completely open. I probably look like an idiot. I want answers. I want to know why my body reacts to him touching me the way that it does. What does that even mean? I've never done anything like this before. I've never even been kissed! But he's going to get us food! What? Why? I glance around to see who's around, and I stiffen when I see Peter coming toward me. I take a step back.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him.

"Hello Tris," Peter says with a grin.

Even before the memory taking up every part of my mind, I was terrified of the boy from Candor who beat me to a pulp on the training mat. And now? It's about a million times worse.

"No seriously, what do you want?"

"I'm here for food" He says. "Why aren't you in there?"

"I'm not hungry."

Tobias comes out carrying two trays full of food, but stops short when he sees the two of us standing there.

"Either Four is starving or you're just a bad liar."

"Can I help you, Peter?"

Peter glances at Tobias and his eyes narrow. "No," he says. "Absolutely not. I just heard a rumor…and I'm glad to see that it's true."

"Which rumor would that be?" I ask him, lifting my chin ever so slightly.

"The rumor that you've lost your memories."

"What?" That doesn't make sense. Why would a rumor like that even spread? Who would even say that? "That's ridiculous."

"Is it?" he asks. "So you remember that the two of us used to date?"

My eyes widen. "What are you talking about?" I demand. "I would never date you!"

Peter's grin gets wider. "We've definitely dated," he says. "The things we used to do…"

"Stop!" I shout at him. "Stop it!"

He can't be serious, can he? Or is this another situation like the phantom memory? Oh god, I feel like I'm going to be sick. I don't wait for him to say anything else. I run down the hallway for my room and lock the door behind me. This is so messed up. I don't know what's going on…this is completely insane! I jump when there's a knock on the door.

"Go away!"

"Tris, it's me."

I never would have expected the sound of Tobias's voice to send such soothing vibrations through me. I open the door and he's ditched the trays of food and is just staring down at me with an expression on his face that's like he can look into my soul. I throw my arms around him and bury my face into his neck and soft gasp escaping my lips when his arms wrap tightly around me. I don't want to let him go, especially not when it feels like I fit perfectly against him. And with that though, I move to withdraw my arms, but his grip tightens.

"No," he murmurs into my hair. "Not yet."

"Please," I tell him. "We have to talk."

He sighs and lets go of me, and I take a step back, pushing my door for him to step inside. And I feel butterflies fly violently inside of my stomach as he steps inside. I shut the door and I chew on my lower lip.

"Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone," I say, moving to the bed and tucking in the comforter and sitting down. "It's kind of a mess."

"This is fine," he says sitting down next to me. "What did you want to talk about?"

I shrug and take a breath. "Okay. What was Peter talking about?"

He stiffens noticeably.

"What?"

"Well…"

"Peter said something about me losing my memories," I say. "And I want to know what he was talking about."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I want you to tell me what he meant."

He nods, letting out a breath.

And then he looks at me.

**A/N: Someone said something about wanting a bit of Four's POV when he was the one with the missing memories. So here ya go!**

I'm standing in the Pit surrounded by initiates. Candor, Amity, and Erudite. Just the one Amity though, which doesn't surprise me at all. That faction is much too happy to have anyone transfer to Dauntless. Hell, if I could have lived in the whole "go with happiness" ideals that they lead at the edge of the city, I probably would have gone for it. But I couldn't, and besides I needed to get away from Marcus and learn to protect myself. I glance at the entrance of the Pit, and silently curse. Tris was supposed to be down here fifteen minutes ago. Now I'm just standing here looking like a complete ass because I can't really start the whole thing if both trainers aren't here. And then I see her, practically running down toward us, and something changes in her features when she sees me. I turn back to the group to start my spiel when she whispers my name. My actual name. How the fuck does she know that? She shouldn't know that. No one know that.

So I turn to glare at her, making her shut up as I look at the initiates and give the instructions. I keep my eyes forward, narrowed, as I do my best to keep my tone even. But I can't stop wondering how she knew to call me Tobias. When I'm finished, and the initiates have started whispering to themselves, I look at her, my eyes still narrowed. "Take them to the dorms."

She looks at me, a gasp escaping her lips and I want to know where she's been this morning. And I'm about to ask her when she says my name again.

"Don't ever call me that," I snap at her. "Take them to the dorms."

I storm out of the Pit and head up toward the main part of the building. I start to head for the cafeteria because I know that's where Christina is going to meet me.

I'm sitting at the table when Christina and Tris show up. God, what does she want now? She keeps her eyes away from me, and I have to admit that I'm pretty grateful for that. There's something about her eyes this morning that's starting to throw me, making me uncomfortable.

"Hey," I say to Christina, giving her my best, focused smile.

I start to eat, pretty much tuning out whatever Christina is saying because most of the time it's not really anything that pertains to me. She keeps up the chatter with Tris, who doesn't seem to be paying any attention either. She brings up the group and my entire body tenses when Christina says the _Stiff._ I can't help but notice out of the corner of my eye that Tris does too. Sometimes I forget that we were ever from the same faction before. It's strange to know that we could have crossed paths. I see Peter coming down toward the table and I feel an overwhelming feeling of disdain in my gut. I have always hated Peter Hayes, but now that he's sitting across from me, the feeling has definitely intensified.

And then…he kisses her. He kisses Tris and she lets him. Why shouldn't she let him kiss her? I mean, word has it they're dating, right? I swallow what anger I can and glare down at my plate. Why am I angry that they're kissing? I shouldn't even care. This is the girl that I didn't even want to do training with, but somehow not? I'm not quite following the train of thought in my mind. It's not really making any sense right now. None of this eyes.

I follow Tris out of the cafeteria, luckily not being stopped by anyone and I see her crying. And seeing her cry tears through me. I stop short and I clench my fists trying to get a hold of my emotions. I told her not to call me Four, but that name coming from her lips sounds wrong. It doesn't fit, not with her and I can't figure out the reason why.

When she tells me about Marcus, I feel like all the air has been sucked out of my chest and I can barely breathe as I stare at her, her eyes wide on her face, staring up at me with tears on her cheeks. How can she know what's in my fear landscape? I've never told anyone, because I don't need anyone associating me with Marcus Eaton. I left that life a long, long, time ago. So I tell her that she must be wrong, because that seems like the only explanation. So she gets up and begins to walk away from me.

And that…is the last thing that I want.


	41. Chapter 41

"And then you disappeared for three days. I had no idea what happened to you or where you went. I just wanted you back and I wanted you safe. But when I came to your room…you looked at me with such animosity I was taken aback. You had never looked at me that way before. I didn't know what to do. I still don't. But I'm trying to take it slow with you."

We have been sitting here for what seems like hours taking about my past. It seems completely surreal. Everything that I remember is a lie. Everything that I thought about Tobias is wrong. Even now, sitting next to him on my bed, with our knees touching, I know there's truth to what he's saying. But I can't see it. The memories I have are still of Four being cruel to me. The stories I'm hearing are anything but that. I keep my eyes on my hands, my heart thumping away in my chest, because I feel like if I look at him, it's going to kill me.

The way he's been looking at me, and his soft touch and voice, I want so badly for the truth to be real.

"And you and me?"

"We were in love," Tobias says. I glance up at him at the past tense, an overwhelming feeling of disappointment spreading through me. "I mean, I'm still in love with you. I'm always going to be in love with you. But I can't do anything with you when you keep looking at me like you're scared of me."

I swallow and look back at my hands. He loves me. How can it be that he can say things like this, and yet I know deep within my very core that he's not lying to me? Everything has changed between us. And not just because I can't remember the relationship I know that we've had. I know the history, he's spared no detail in that, but I'm not her anymore. He reaches out and lifts my chin so that our eyes are locked again. A burning feeling erupts in my gut, spreading to every part of my body. I have never felt this before, and yet the feeling isn't foreign to my body. It recognizes and craves it. So much so that I'm sure my cheeks are turning read.

"But please don't hide your face from me," He says brushing my hair behind my ear. I close my eyes and a breath escapes my lips at the feeling of his skin on mine.

"That's…nice," I murmur.

I can sense that he's smiling, even without looking at him. My body knows him so much better than I would like it to. "Tris."

My name is a whisper on his lips, unlocking the deepest parts of my soul. My eyes flutter open to meet his. "Tobias."

He brushes my cheek with his thumb and I literally have to fight my urge to move closer and climb into his lap. Even with just a glance I can tell that it will be the comfiest place I can be. "What are you thinking about?" he asks me.

Everything about him is drawing me in. Sure, when I first met him I had let myself daydream, let myself imagine, that something could be here between us. But that was a very brief daydream. I thought it was impossible. But now? He's here, in my room, wanting to talk to me. And with every touch of his hand, my heart erupts, sending sparklers everywhere. It's impossible to ignore the way my body feels around him. And because of that, I give in and I move into his lap. His arms come around me and I bury my face in the crook of his neck.

"I'm here," he murmurs as he rubs my back. "I'm always going to be here for you."

"That sounds so normal," I respond. "But it's hard to swallow."

"Give me time, Tris." His voice is pleading. "Please give me time."

I nod. "Okay," I whisper.

He presses his lips to the side of my head and I can't help the small smile at the sweet gesture. "I should go. It's getting late."

I don't say anything as I climb off of him, but when he moves to get off of my bed, I grab his hand. "Can I ask you something?"

He looks back at me. "Of course."

"Please don't think that I'm her," I say.

"Who?" he looks confused.

"Tris." I answer. Then I shake my head. "That sounds confusing, but let me at least try to explain."

He sits back down on the bed with me, his hand still in mine. "Of course."

I'm struggling to keep my eyes on his. There's this huge part of me that feels like what I'm about to say is going to disappoint him and I don't know if I can handle that look on his face right now.

"I don't know if you realize this," I tell him. "But I have a feeling it's going to be damn near impossible living up to this person that I don't remember."

He stares at me for the longest time and I wonder if I've upset him. But then his face breaks into one of the biggest smiles I've ever seen, save Amity farmers. And it's hard to resist smiling back. "What?"

He closes the distance between us and pressing his lips to mine in a soft kiss. My first kiss. Well I guess not really. But the first one I remember. It doesn't last long and he's already pulling away by the time I think to close my eyes.

"Um…" I swallow. "What was that for?"

He's still grinning. "You don't remember?"

I shake my head. "What am I supposed to be remembering right now?"

"I said that to you," Tobias tells me. "When they had taken my memory from me. I told you that I couldn't live up to the guy you remembered me as."

I sit back, astonished. Is it possible, somewhere deep down, that I remembered him saying that to me? I'm sure Erudite would have a field day with that. I shiver at the thought of Erudite and all that they have become.

His eyebrows come together. "Everything okay?"

I nod. "My train of thought took me somewhere I didn't want to go."

"Can I ask where?"

"Thoughts of Erudite and everything they've done."

He scoots closer and takes both of my hands in his, squeezing softly. "They can't hurt us anywhere, Tris. We've got the knowledge and we've got the power. And Jeanine is on our side. I think."

I shake my head. "I don't even remember why I should be scared of her, Tobias. It's more the things that they've done. How is it that all of this has been wiped away like it never even happened?"

He shrugs. "We're working on that. But I have a theory."

"A theory?"

"What if this, you losing your memory, or rather it being replaced is a warning?"

"A warning for what?"

"A warning to stop asking questions."

"Do you think that if we do that, I'll get my memory back?"

He shrugs. "I don't know."

I chew on my bottom lip. "Will you still love me even if I don't?"

He stares at me, the strangest expression on his face. He lifts one of my hands to his lips and kisses softly. "I'll love you always, Tris Prior."

And it's the most soothing thing I have heard all day.

**A/N: I know I'm so behind. Sue me. Not really! Leave comments! They're the best part of my day!**


	42. Chapter 42

The next morning I wake early so that I can get to breakfast before everyone else. After talking with Tobias, I know that everything should feel different. But I still feel the same. I just know different things now. And still, it's complicated. I'm still afraid of going to breakfast when everyone else is going to be there. I told Al that I wanted to talk to him and knowing Al, he's going to hold me to that. But those plans were made before I remembered everything that he was a part of. He tried to kill me.

That must be why he had looked at me the way he did when I was hugging him and wanting to talk to him. He thought that I was never going to forgive him for what he had done to me. And he's right. How can you forgive someone for trying to kill you? I know that it's not very Abnegation about me and not the way my parents raised me, but I'm not as good as my parents are. Were. Wait. Didn't Tobias say they died during the battle?

But with everyone coming back to life…are they still here? Have I not lost them?

I slow my gait in the stone hallway as I try to focus on my breathing. It seems that I have forgotten how to, in the last few moments. I rest my hand on the cool wall, taking in deep breaths. I get my heartrate back to normal and I continue my walk down the cafeteria.

As suspected, it is much too early for anyone to join me in the long hall. I help myself to toast and eggs and bacon, enjoying the silence as I chew. I take this time to think about everything Tobias had told me. Was it really everything though? What if he's keeping things from me?

He says we were in love and that he still loves me. That he'll always love me. But what if I don't get my memories back? What if he gets tired of looking at me and becoming disappointed when I'm not the girl that he wants? Just the thought of that cracks my heart a little bit. I close my eyes and blow out a breath before taking a drink of orange juice. Someone sits next to me when I go to set it down and it slips from my fingers, spilling the liquid everywhere.

"Sorry," Al says, with that nervous laugh of his. His hands brush against mine as he tries to help me clean the mess.

My entire body turns cold at his voice. What do I do? Do I run? Do I attack him? Do I act like everything is back to the way that it was before? Before I found out what he had done to me?

"Hi, Tris," Al says.

I can feel him staring at me; waiting for me to acknowledge him. I take another bite of bacon before willing myself to smile at him. It's an Abnegation smile, not an Amity smile. It's polite, but not too friendly. As a Candor, I'm not sure if he recognizes the difference.

"So you mentioned that you wanted to get together to talk," Al says, continuing like nothing is wrong. But for Al, that's true. He doesn't know anything. He thinks everything is fine. But I still have that memory of the way he looked at me when I pulled his mask from his face. So empty. So unremorseful. Like it was something that had to be done. And sure, he wasn't the mastermind behind all of this. It was Peter. But Peter has always been cold and sadistic and cruel. It must have been easy to manipulate Al in his defense state. After the scores had gone up and I had seen him at the Chasm. He looked small, like crumpled paper. He had never looked like that before.

But still.

It doesn't give him the right to try to kill me. No one should have that right.

"I did say that," I say, my jaw clenching. I wish I didn't have to talk to him right now. I would really rather be anywhere else in the world right now.

"So when do you want to get together and talk…"

The doors slams open and I jump, looking at the intruder. And I have never been so happy to see Tobias. How had I not heard Al shut the door? Was I so deep in my own thoughts that I didn't hear the door close? Why would he want to be alone with me anyway? I shiver as I force myself away from those possibilities. I'm Dauntless. And I'm alive. He didn't succeed in killing me. I shouldn't be afraid of him. Right?

Tobias looks anxious as he comes toward us and sits down on my other side. Al has scooted away from me, nervously. I unintentionally move closer to Tobias.

"You weren't in your room, and I was worried," he says to me in a low voice. "Are you okay?"

He glances over my shoulder at Al, who busies himself with his breakfast. I nod at his question.

"Yes."

"Do you want to leave?'

I glance at him. "You haven't eaten."

"I've survived on much less," he tells me.

He holds out his hand and I stare at it for a moment before slipping my fingers through his. Together we leave the cafeteria and head to the Pit. I don't think I realized how terrified I was in that moment with Al. Because the second the doors close, I can't breathe again, but this time it's because of how hard I'm crying. Shock. This is what shock must feel like. Tobias takes me in his arms and I bury my face in his neck, surprised with how much I don't want to be anywhere else. How could I have been afraid of him? Of this man who loves me?

"It's okay," he says, his voice soothing as he rubs my back. "Try to talk to me. Why weren't you in your room?"

"I was trying to avoid this," I gasp, desperately trying to fill my lungs. "I was trying to avoid feeling like this."

"Breathe, Tris," he tells me. "Just breathe."

"Please don't leave me."

I surprise myself with my pleading. He chuckles and the sound vibrates through me.

"What's funny?"

"Baby I wouldn't leave you even if my life depended on it," he says. "You're everything to me, regardless if you know it yet."

"I know it," I whisper.

He pulls back at me looks at me, his eyes searching mine eagerly. I wish I could tell him that everything is fine. But I can't do that.

"Just because I know it doesn't mean I remember it, Tobias."

He nods. "I know." He lifts his hand and uses the sleeve of his jacket to dry my cheeks. "How are you feeling?"

I shrug. "Like I've just been knocked on my ass several times over."

He grins at me, a dazzling grin. "I'm be worried if you didn't."

It seems so easy with him. I don't know how something I never even knew existed could be this easy; could feel this good. I'm fighting every instinct inside of me to try not to throw myself at him. I'm attracted to him, that's for sure, but I'm also terrified of those feelings. What does it mean and how long is it going to last? I swallow hard, past the lump in my throat and let myself give in. What can it hurt?

"Can I ask you something?"

"You know you can."

"Can you kiss me?" I ask him, my voice small.

His eyes are wide, but he doesn't say no. That's a good thing, right? He leans in, slowly, as if not to scare me and very carefully brushes his lips against my own. A shiver runs through me and I tilt my head up so that our lips our touching with more force now. His hands find my hips and pull me against me as he kisses me. There is no force coming from him. There is nothing scary about this.

And that is what scares me the most.


	43. Chapter 43

I spend the next few days under the Tobias' watchful eye. It makes me feel better; safer, knowing that he's looking out for me. And even though it still scares the shit out of me, I love the way it feels. It's a different, overwhelming feeling. The way my body reacts to his, is something I've never experienced before. I've barely been able to focus on training ever since our kiss. That's due more to the fact that he hasn't touched me since. And I don't have the courage to ask him why.

"Okay, you all did great today. I'm letting you all go early today," Tobias says.

I look at him, as does the entire group. I raise a brow. He never let us go early when I was an initiate. Or maybe he did and I just don't remember. But he doesn't say anything more, just nodding as the group stares at him dumbfounded.

"Do you guys think I'm kidding or something?"

"You're letting us go?" One of the boys asks, sounding dubious.

"Just for the day. I have plans tonight," Tobias grins. "Now get out of here."

Plans? I wonder what he's doing. And why he hasn't thought to include me on this plan of setting them free early today. I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be partners in this type of thing. As the initiates leave, I glance in his direction.

"So you have plans?" I try to sound nonchalant but I'm pretty sure I have failed that test.

Tobias grins at me. "Yup. They're pretty good plans too."

"Oh."

And still he doesn't spill. That doesn't mean he should rub it in my face. But maybe it's really none of my business and maybe he has grown tired of waiting for me to be the girl he fell in love with. My heart aches just thinking about that and I hope with every fiber of my being that I'm wrong.

"Just for future reference, you should probably check with me to make sure I didn't have anything I wanted them to do for training." I'm unable to keep the hurt and annoyance out of my voice as I pack up the knives.

I can feel him staring at me but I will myself to focus on the task at hand. I don't want him to know that his excluding me has hurt me as much as it has. I wish I didn't even know.

"Tris."

He just has to say it once. His voice speaks to some part of me. Somewhere deep within me, something stirs. My hands pause in the middle of their task and my head turns of its own accord to find the eyes that have taken over my dreams.

"My plans are with you, in case you didn't put that together on your own." He's trying to suppress a smile and I know that should make me mad, but it's just not in me.

"Don't you think you should have asked my opinion first?"

He grins. "That would have kind of ruined my surprise."

"What if I don't want to be surprised?" I'm trying to assert my will, to show him that I can make my own choices and decisions, but I'm having a hard time keeping the stupid smile off of my face.

He takes a step toward me and takes my hand, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. "Don't you?"

I swallow. My heart has started to beat more rapidly and I'm having a hard time breathing like a normal person. He hasn't touched me since I asked him to kiss me. Just in that short time my body has missed the way his skin feels against my own. He must sense the tension emanating from my pores. He looks like he wants to say something but instead he tugs on my hand, pulling me from the Pit. I follow him stupidly, not having a clue where we're going. I'm even more surprised when we leave the compound.

"Am I going to need to change first?"

"No I quite like you the way you are," Tobias winks at me.

I roll my eyes at him. "I meant my clothes. And I think I may need a shower."

"Like I said, I like you the way you are."

He releases my hand and I'm about to protest, but I see the train car heading our way. My instincts take over and I'm running after the train. This is natural. This is normal. I don't have to think when I'm running. I'm used to this. Once I grab the handle and pull myself up, my nerves hit me full force again. Tobias is right behind me and in this train car there is no escaping his intense blue eyes.

I lean against one wall while Tobias stands against the other. We're silent for a few moments. My half is because I'm trying to figure out what to say. Everything would be easier if I didn't feel so nervous around him. But I know how he feels about me and that makes everything complicated.

"I've been going crazy these past few days," he says, letting out a breath.

I gaze at him curiously, glad he's broken the silence. "For what reason?"

"What other reason is there but you?"

I'm not following. "What are you talking about?"

He looks like he wants to move closer to me but he stops himself and I really wish he didn't.

He swallows. He's nervous! So it's not just me! "Two days ago you asked me to kiss to you."

My heart falls. He didn't want to kiss me. He was just being polite. I am completely mortified.

His eyes widen at my expression and he's crossing the space between us without hesitation this time. "No, please don't think I mean that badly," he says, taking my hands again. "Tris, try not to interrupt me out or let your imagination run rampant while I'm talking, okay?"

I chew on my lower lip and nod, trying to follow his instructions, but I can barely get my mind to cooperate most of the time as it is. Just because he's asking politely doesn't mean it'll actually listen to him.

"Two days ago you asked me to kiss you and since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."

I'm stunned. He's been like me? "Then why-?"

He narrows his eyes at me, so I bite down on my lip. I send him a telepathic apology.

"I don't want to push you. With anything. You're much too important to me to rush anything. I kissed you because you asked me to and I've been going crazy out of my mind waiting for you to ask me again."

My mouth falls open in what I'm assuming shock. I don't even know what I'm feeling because I'm convinced that I've gone mad and hallucinated his entire spiel.

"I'm done…you can speak now," be chuckles nervously.

I lick my lips. What do I say? What can I say? How do I say it? There are so many things running through my head and trying to string together words that make sense is next to impossible. His face falls and he drops my hands, taking a step back.

My mind jumps into hyper-drive when I lose contact with his skin. " No!" I say, my voice full with passion. I reach out and take his hand. I shake my head. He looks confused. Well good, now it's not just me. "No. I thought…I thought you regretted it."

His eyebrows come together on his forehead and he opens his mouth to say something, so I press my index finger against his lips to stop him.

"Uh-uh," I say quickly. "My turn."

Under my finger, his lips curve up in a smile. I can't bring myself to move my hand.

"You have to realize how this looks to me. One day you're telling me that you're never going to leave me and giving me a heart-stopping kiss and then nothing. For two days." He looks like he wants to say something but he's restrained himself. "So to me, it was unsettling. I thought…that maybe you grew tired of me not being the girl you were in love with."

He kisses the bed of my finger. "May I?"

I nod, moving my finger and resting my hand on his cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere, Tris. You can count on that. As for you thinking you're not the girl I'm in love with? You've got that so wrong. I'm always going to be in love with you no matter what you do or don't remember." He lifts our still connected hands and presses his lips to my knuckles. "Understood?"

I nod sheepishly. "However there's still the matter of, um, the kissing."

Tobias grins. "As far as the kissing goes, I'm going to let you call the shots. I stand by my word of not wanting to push you. So I won't."

I can't help but feel a bit disappointed. " Oh. So you're not going to kiss me?"

"Not until you say the word."

I nod. "Ever?"

He grins at me. "You call the shots, baby," he says. He looks out the window and hits the button to open the doors. "But out there? That's my turf. I'm calling the shots tonight."

I turn and look at our rapidly approaching destination. The sun is already starting to set and is casting a shadow across the land.

But in the distance I see a Ferris wheel.


	44. Chapter 44

I feel butterflies run through me the closer we get to the old fairground. I don't know why I have them. I glance at Tobias and he's watching me with a look full of adoration. I swallow and something sparks in me as I realize it's him. Being this close to him makes me feel like I'm about to fall. Or catch fire. I shiver and turn my eyes from him to look back at our approaching destination. I know that I've been here before. I have very specific memories of being here and winning and zip lining that night. It was all amazing, but the longer I look at the Ferris wheel in the distance, the more I feel like I'm missing out on something. But I can't figure out what it is or at which point in the night it's supposed to be.

"We've gotta jump, Tris," Tobias says, his voice soft in my ear.

"Jumping is good," I answer. I take a step back without looking at him before jumping off of the train. I tuck and roll before getting to my feet again. I turn to watch Tobias jump off of the train and my breath catches in my throat when I realize just how beautiful he is in action. How have I really ignored seeing him like this? How could anyone not look at Tobias and see just how beautiful he is?

I am unable to keep my eyes from him as he joins me. I brush off dust and rocks as we reach the entrance of the long forgotten amusement park and swallow nervously. It's quiet now.

"This is your big night?" I ask, a little disappointed. I figured by the way he was gushing that he had some big romantic night planned. I've never been romanced and I was sort of looking forward to it. "Are we playing a game or something?"

Tobias smiles at me, but shakes his head. "No games, Tris," he says. "I promise."

He holds out his hand for me and I don't hesitate in taking it. A spark runs up my arm and my eyes widen. I chew on my lip as we walk together, past the old booths and rides. I feel anxious again, so the stupid comes out.

"So we're not playing any games," I say. "Not even stuff like this?"

I pull my hand from his and walk to a booth and throw a rock at a stack of silver cans. The rock just bounces off. Tobias chuckles before taking my hand again. "Those things are like superglued together. Totally rigged."

I glare at the cans. "That's not fair."

"That's the way of the world," Tobias says. "The old world."

"Some would say that it's still the way of the world," I say casually.

"I would have to agree with them."

The tone of his voice makes me turn to look at him. He's got a thoughtful expression on his face and it speaks to my heart. Although, my brain is having a hard time translating at the moment. I stop and squeeze his hand, and he stops with me.

"Hey," I say, squeezing his hand again. "It's not your fault that this happened to me."

"I know, but—"

I continue on like he hasn't even spoken. I'm so caught up in my thoughts that I've barely heard him. "And from the rundown you gave, it seems like it's completely my fault that this is happened. It's my fault that _all_ of this happened." Emotion hits me hard and I pull my hand from his, turning to the falling apart booth to keep me upright. I bow my head and a sob escapes my throat.

"Tris…"

I feel Tobias' hand on my back and I jerk away from him, and I take off running. I don't know where I'm going, but I can't look at him right now. Everything is my fault. If I hadn't dropped my blood on the coal, I wouldn't be here. It's possible all of my friends and family wouldn't be dead. Wait. They're not dead. Not anymore. And there are no answers. We wanted answers. But when I asked for answers…

That's why I'm here. That's why I'm in this position. I'm breathless so I have to stop running. I rest my back against metal. I put my hands on my knees and bed over to try to get my heartrate and breathing back to normal. I run my hands through my hair as I look up at the freestanding structure.

"The Ferris wheel," I murmur. My feet start moving of their own accord and I find myself at a ladder. Something in me wants me to climb, get a better view. I look around and thankfully Tobias hasn't found me yet. That's both a good and bad situation. Why hasn't he found me? I shake my head and place my hand on the ladder rung.

As I climb, higher and higher, something clears in my mind. My thoughts are no longer fuzzy and I don't know where these thoughts and images are coming from. I shiver at the memory of fingers on my bare skin. I swallow past through the confusion before making my way higher and higher up on the rung. Once I am at the top and there is nowhere to go but down, I sit down on one of the rungs, my arms linking over to hold me in place.

I don't know how long I sit there for, thinking over everything that I remember and everything that I've been through. And Tobias…he was just there for me from day one. I jump when the rung next to me shifts. I turn and look at Tobias, whose face is covered in sweat.

"What are you doing?" I ask him, panic filling my voice. "You're afraid of heights."

"I saw you up here and I needed to…" he trails off and stares at me. "How did you know that?"

I stare at him and my eyes burn with the promise of tears. "I remember."

His face contorts into what I can only assume is relief and he bows his head, resting on the rung. I see his shoulders shaking and can't stop my own tears when I realize that he's crying. I grip the rung above me and scoot across so that I'm right next to him. I place my hand on his back and begin rubbing his gently.

"What happened?" he asks me.

"I starting climbing…and everything became clear to me. It started falling apart when I ran away from you."

He lifts his head. "Why did you run?"

I shrug. "I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't know what I was feeling and I was terrified."

"I could have helped you."

I shake my head. "I think it was something that I needed to do on my own."

"Don't shut me out again," he says.

"I didn't do this intentionally, Tobias."

He nods. "What happened? Do you remember how it went down?"

I nod. "Yeah," I say. "Well sort of. I woke up back at the Bureau but I have no idea how they got me. I woke to a video playing of my mother talking to me when I was a kid. And it was…" I pause, shaking my head. "I don't know. Some of it is still foggy. Ask me again tomorrow."

He grins and leans over, but stops himself in the process. I raise a brow at him.

"What's wrong?"

"I told you that I wasn't going to kiss you until you asked me to."

I laugh. "That was pre-memory Tris," I say.

He shrugs. "You're the same Tris you were half-an-hour ago. I love you just the same."

I grin at him. "Kiss me then."

He grips the rung tightly as he leans over to kiss me.

"Did I ruin your big night out?" I ask.

Tobias shakes his head. "Nope. This is pretty much what I wanted to happen."

"Me remembering everything?"

"I had kind of hoped we had done it together," he says.

"You helped me, Tobias. You helped me more than you know."

Tobias kisses me again. "Can we get down now? Please?"

I chuckle against his lips. "Yes. We can get down."

"God I love you," he says.

"I love you."


	45. Chapter 45

After we get back to the compound, we go to Tobias' room. Our room. I lay awake in bed next to him as he sleeps, completely wrapped around me. I want to know the truth, and I want to know why they would reward us after I had messed everything up for them. But asking questions lost me my memory. Asking questions lost me time with Tobias. Time that we could have been planning. Together. I hate it. I hate it so much.

My breath catches in my throat as the emotion threatens to take over and I feel Tobias shift.

"You okay?" he asks.

I swallow and nod, though in the darkness I'm sure he can't see me. "I'm scared," I say.

His grip tightens as he pulls me tighter against his chest. "Of what?"

"They know so much," I say. "They're so much more powerful than I knew. And I've been pushing them."

"We'll be okay, Tris," he tells me.

"That's what we thought before," I say. "And look where it got us."

"Hey."

I look at him and my eyes adjust to the lack of light and they focus on his face. He's staring at me intently.

"We're going to be okay," he repeats, his voice firm. "I need you to understand that."

He sounds so sure. And because of that, I can try to believe it. I mean, if I'm with him I can handle anything. The two of us can handle anything. We've handled it for a long time together. I nod and lean in, pressing my lips against his before resting my head against his shoulder. "I can't sleep."

"Then we stay up," he says. "I can't tell you how much I missed talking to you when I realized that I couldn't."

I smile. "You don't have to tell me," I say. "I went through the same thing. I'm sorry that I put you through that."

"Tris, do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Stop apologizing. About anything. Unless it's really your fault, like using all the hot water or something…"

I laugh. "Really?"

"That's the first thing I could think of," he says, his voice tinged with amusement "But please, stop trying to apologizing for things you had zero control over. No one holds it against you."

"What about everyone that died? A lot of that's my fault."

"You've already apologized for that. If you try it anymore, then it loses its meaning. And I know you don't have any false apologies."

"I have a lot to be sorry for."

"You have a lot to be grateful for," Tobias says. "No matter how it happened or why, your friends are alive. Your parents are alive. And you…Tris. You are alive. As selfish as it is, that's the only thing I care about."

"I think that's okay," I say. "That type of selfishness. In our case."

Tobias kisses me again and rubs my back. "Earlier, you said you didn't fully remember what happened back at the Bureau. Has any of it come back to you?"

I nod. "That's part of the reason I can't sleep," I say. 'I keep picturing it in my head."

He stiffens and I know that it's because he hates that he can't do anything about it. I think if he could, he'd go back and kill everyone responsible. He doesn't say anything, so I know that I can continue.

"I woke up strapped to a table with a gag in my mouth, and that video was playing. That's the only good think about their stupid experiment. I was able to see my mother in a different light. I was able to get to know her better," I sigh. "And they were telling me that they brought me back to the Bureau to wipe my memory to cover their tracks. They acted like they were doing us a favor by bringing us back to life, and I'm happy I'm alive don't get me wrong, but I want to know what they want. They have to be watching now and they have to know that I have my memories…but what if they retaliate?"

"Then we just don't give them a reason to," Tobias says, his voice even. He's trying to keep his temper in check but he's mad. I can tell. "We live out our lives the same way we were supposed to."

"You mean in factions."

"I mean, alive," he says.

I lift my head to look at him and his gaze his imploring. He's right. I don't know why I keep trying to fix things. "Alive sounds pretty damn good to me."

We move at the same time and kiss each other the way that I always want to kiss him, no matter where we are. I press my body against his and will everything away. The only thing that matters right now is me and him and that we're both alive and that we both know who the other is. My hands find the hem of his shirt as I tug it up, pulling away from him so that I can pull it over his head.

"Why are you even dressed right now?" I murmur against his lips, my fingers running down the firm ridges of his abdomen. He lets out a shaky laugh as his hands move under my shirt and warm my skin just with his touch.

"I could ask you the same questions, Tris," he says as his hands move lower. "We should remedy that," I say, my breath catching in my throat. "We should definitely remedy that."

"Whatever you say," he says with a grin as he kisses me again.

And this time, with our memories intact, we lose ourselves in each other. Again.

**A/N: PLEASE DON'T HATE ME**


	46. Chapter 46

**A/N: The sorry was for taking 5ever to post a chapter. Please love me.**

I wake up to the sound of the shower and I glance over, disappointed to see that Tobias is not in bed with me anymore. Well we were bound to get out of bed eventually. I turn to check the time and panic sets in when I realize that we have to be down in the Pit in ten minutes.

"Shit!"

I climb out of bed and start scrambling for my clothes when the door to the bathroom opens and Tobias appears wearing nothing but a towel. We've been together so long, but the sight of him still gives me butterflies.

"What are you doing?" Tobias asks.

I turn to look at him after tugging on my tank top and glare at him. "You should have woken me. We have to be down there in ten minutes. And I probably look terrible."

"You didn't get your ass kicked, Tris, we had sex," Tobias smirks. "And you look awesome."

I roll my eyes. "You're such a boy."

"Well I should be," he says. "I'm not even twenty yet."

That sparks an interest in me. I seemed to have missed his nineteenth birthday when the Bureau brought me back to life. I mean, I even missed my seventeenth birthday. "Yeah, when _is_ your birthday?"

Tobias shrugs and heads to the closet to get his clothes. "It doesn't matter."

I bound over to him a grin on my face. I tug on his towel. "It matters to me. I want to do something special for you."

"That's not necessary."

His voice is even and I detect a tone that I've only heard when he was talking to me about Marcus. "What's going on?" I say. He hesitates before saying anything so I grab his hand and give it a gentle squeeze. "Talk to me, Tobias. Please?"

He sighs and leads me over to the bed. I sit down next to him and bite my lip. I hadn't realized that bringing up his birthday would be such a major conversation. "You know about Marcus and you know how my mother disappeared."

"Yeah?"

"My mom died on my birthday," Tobias says. "At least that's how it seemed to me for most of my life…until she reached out to me that first time. And every year, on my birthday, on the _anniversary_ of her death, the beatings were worse. It was like he was taking it out on me or something. And since then, I don't really like to celebrate."

My blood runs cold at his admission. I had no idea that Marcus could be that cruel. No…that's wrong. I absolutely knew that Marcus could be that cruel. But the timing…for his mother to disappear on his birthday of all days? She left to protect herself from her husband. But to abandon her child? I had no idea that it had been that bad. But then again, Tobias has been very good at keeping the things secret that he didn't want anyone to know. I didn't realize that it was so much more complex than I realized.

I close my eyes and rest my head against his shoulder. "Tobias…" I whisper his name.

"I just…I never wanted you to know. I didn't want you to see me like that," he says, his voice cracking.

"I don't. I have never seen you like that. Not even when I saw the truth in your fear landscape. You have always been this strong beacon of light for me. That's never going to change," I tell him. "I lift my head to look at him and kiss him softly. "That isn't how your life is anymore, Tobias. Marcus is not on in your life anymore. And Evelyn…well I don't have any idea where she is, but she's not here either. I am. I'm here and this is our life together. I want to be a part of every life."

"I want that too," he says, his hand caressing my cheek. "It's just hard."

"I know. It was a huge part of your life. I'm not saying we have to forget it ever happened," I tell him. "We'll work on it. Just like with everything else."

Tobias kisses me again and I can feel that pain releasing from his shoulders. "You are amazing," he tells me.

I smile against his lips. "I know," I say. "But you're still a jerk for not waking me to shower."

"I was actually planning on letting you have the day off," he says. Telling Eric or Max that you were sick."

I raise a brow. "You really think that that would be a good idea?" I ask him. "I was gone for three days when the Bureau took me. And from what I remember, Eric said that people were asking where I was. I couldn't give them an answer because I didn't believe them. So, as far as we can see, I cannot take a day off. Not really until training is over."

Tobias looks sheepish. "My bad," he says. "I totally forgot about that. There's just been so much going on."

I kiss him again. "I forgive you," I grin. "You were being sweet. And I love sweet Tobias."

"What about stupid Tobias?"

I make a face. "Stupid Tobias doesn't exist," I say. "Come on, get dressed. We're going to be late."


	47. Chapter 47

On our way down to the Pit, I see Al coming out of the cafeteria and I feel my blood run cold. I quickly avert my gaze so that we don't make eye contact because I can't deal with faking any niceties with him today. Not with everything coming back to me the way that it is. I shake my head. "I can't believe I hugged him," I say. "I can't believe that I forgot what he did to me."

"Hey," Tobias says. "You can't blame yourself for that either. That's not on you."

I sigh. "I know…but it still gets me."

"As it should," Tobias says, raising a brow at me. "You've been put through a lot. We all have."

"I know…and I'm trying to not let it get to me," I say.

"That's why you have me, you know?" Tobias smiles. He grabs my hand and pulls me down an empty corridor before pushing me up against the wall. He leans in close and stares me down. "You're not in this alone. You got that?"

My breath catches in my throat and I feel myself nod. All of my words have gone and they normally do when he is staring at me like this. The corner of his mouth lifts in the beginning of a smile when he sees the look on my face. He knows that I know that he's right.

"That's what I thought," he says before kissing me softly. I lose myself in the kiss and the softness of his lips. It's in moments like these that I forget everything that's plagued me in the past months. It's funny to me because just this morning I was the one who was comforting him and so quickly our roles have been reversed. That's why our relationship is so strong. I smile against his lips as I pull away.

"Thank you," I say.

"Don't worry about it," Tobias says kissing me again. He laces our fingers together he tugs on my arm. "Let's go whip the kids into shape."

"Kids?" I ask as we reach the doors. "They're only a year younger than I am."

"Tris, with everything we've been through, you're so much wiser than they are. I'd say you've aged at least five years."

I narrow my eyes at him. "So does that mean I'm older than you?"

"No, because I've aged too."

"Yes, I can see those wrinkles around your eyes."

Tobias narrows his eyes at me. "No you can't."

I laugh as we enter the pit and the group turns to look at us. I don't know if it's because they wonder why we're so happy when we're clearly not Amity, but from what they've seen of the other leaders at Dauntless, we probably seem the happiest out of all of them. Which is strange to say, given everything that we've been through we have a good reason to be unhappy. But then again, since we're together, and we're alive, that's the best reason to be cheerful. But we'll probably need to watch it. I don't want there to be another reason for any of the leaders to watch us any closer than they did when I disappeared.

"What?" Tobias asks the group. "Are we not allowed to laugh or something?"

He asks the question like a challenge and I can see the light leave their eyes. They're terrified of him. Granted, I don't blame them, they saw how fast he can move and how well he can fight when Zeke came down to demonstrate. I bring my lips together to keep the smile off of my face and try to look as stern as I can. Tobias and I look at each other but then we start laughing again.

"Sorry," I say. "Don't be so serious. Yes, this is Dauntless and you have to be on your guard and you have to make sure you know how to protect yourself but it's not always like that. Dauntless is the faction where you can be free. Completely free with yourself and have fun. No one is judging you here. That's not what this faction is about."

I see out of the corner of my eye that Al has come into the Pit and he's standing, watching us talk. I'm thinking that maybe I should be passive-aggressive about this instead of actually confronting him. Last time I confronted Al he threw himself into the chasm. I don't want him to die.

"Dauntless is about protection. Protecting yourself and protecting your friends. Dauntless is your home now and that's not going to change. You're here because you chose us. And that is something that can never been taken away from you. But in choosing Dauntless, you have to remember not to let fear get the best of you. Because fear can make you behave in irrational ways. And you turn against the people who trust you because of that fear. You can't do that here. Not in Dauntless."

I look up and meet Al's eyes when I finish and I see that he understands exactly what I was saying. Whatever happened last week when I hugged him and I wanted to talk to him and have a conversation and be friends again, that's gone. I know the truth now. I remember how that betrayal felt when I saw his face.

"Cowardice has no place here at Dauntless," Tobias says. Al stiffens at his words and he leaves the Pit. Maybe now he'll stay away. I take a deep breath before looking back at the initiates. "What do you think, Four? Time for a little more hand to hand, or shall we do some more target practice?"

"I think we'll keep the beating for another day and focus on comradery," Tobias says. "Everyone head to the tables and grab your knives. It's an easy day."


End file.
